Samantha Carter had no idea how long she had been standing in that room for after her father had walked out. She just felt so helpless. Her father thought he was doing her a huge favour by pulling some strings to get her into the NASA program. He was right—at one point it was what she had always dreamed of doing. But that was then. Things were different now. What she was doing with the Stargate program was far more rewarding than the NASA space program would ever be. But how could she explain that to her dying father when all he thought she was doing was deep space telemetry?
So wrapped up in her thoughts was she that she did not notice that her commanding officer had come into the room until he tapped her on the shoulder. “Are you okay, Carter?”
Startled, she sniffed, and surreptitiously wiped her nose before turning around. “I’m fine, sir.”
Jack O’Neill may be many things, but he could see through her brave act. “I know you, Sam,” he said gently. He was about to hand her his handkerchief, but noticed that she already had one. He settled for gently taking her by the elbow and leading her away from the window. “I don’t think this is because of our cancelled ceremony, but you’ve been here for hours. If it about your father?”
Sam’s blue eyes widened; both at Jack’s astuteness and the fact that it was now twilight outside. “What makes you say that, sir?” she asked quickly. Too quickly.
Jack shrugged. “Well, you’ve never mentioned him, for one. And yes, I know that we don’t really talk about family relationships and all, but I know that our parents can always find away to get to us, even when we wish we’d grown past it.”
She managed a smile. “I wish it were just that, sir.”
He indicated the chairs that had been set up for the aborted ceremony. “You wanna talk about it? It helps, believe me,” he added when she hesitated.
The irony of Jack O’Neill saying that produced another smile from her, and almost without realising it, she found herself opening up to her CO. “My father has cancer… lymphoma. He just told me.”
“Sam…” Jack brought his hand up to her shoulder. “I’m sorry, I don’t…”
“That’s not even the worst part,” she went on as if he had not spoken. “Dad wanted to pull some strings to get me into the astronaut program at NASA. He knew it had always been my dream, and he wanted to give that to me before he… But I had to tell him not to do it. I told him my work was too important and I didn’t want to leave. He just couldn’t understand what was so fascinating about deep space telemetry that I would give up my dreams for it. And I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him why I won’t leave. I couldn’t tell him that my job is way more rewarding than the space program would be. I couldn’t tell him, and he didn’t understand…”
The breakdown that she had been keeping at bay since Jacob had walked out finally hit, and she started sobbing. Jack just drew her into his arms and rocked her gently. He said nothing because he knew that no words were needed. He knew she just had to get it out.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she said finally, drawing back.
“Don’t be,” he replied. “You needed it. It’s not good to hold it in. Trust me, I know.”
“I just wish that I could tell him. I hate the fact that he wants to do this for me, and I can’t tell him why I don’t want it.”
“Secrets sometimes suck, don’t they?”
Before Sam could answer they heard a third voice. “There you are!” They turned to find General Hammond coming towards them.
“General,” Jack said in greeting.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere…” Hammond began, then stopped as he saw Sam wiping away her tears. “Jacob told you.” It was not a question.
“Yes sir.”
“Don’t worry, we both know Jacob. He’s got a lot of fight left in him.”
“Yes sir. Thank you sir,” Sam straightened, drawing further away from Jack now that they were not alone. “I didn’t realise how late it was.”
“Yes, they want to lock the place up. We were getting concerned when we found you hadn’t left.”
“I just needed to think. I didn’t mean to worry anyone.”
“I know that.”
“Okay,” Jack rubbed his hands together. “Now that we’ve found each other, who’s hungry? I vote for pizza.”
The question broke the tension, and served as conversation as they left the building. Sam found the weight from her heart had lifted. Jack O’Neill was right, it had helped to talk about it; and she knew that he would always listen when she needed it. That helped a lot.
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