Chapter 6
Outside Of Me
I spent the
next couple of weeks drifting in and out of consciousness. How long I was out
for, I didn’t know. All I knew, or cared to know, was that I was in the
Intensive Care Unit of Newcastle District Hospital, and would probably be there
for awhile.
I
finally woke up completely at the end of March. I didn’t open my eyes right
away – the first thing I was aware of was the sound of my own breathing. I
slowly opened my eyes to see my mother sitting by my side, holding my hand.
“Mum?”
I asked hoarsely, squinting at the bright light. I saw her smile.
“Welcome
back, Taylor,” she said softly. “We thought we lost you there for a while.”
“What
happened?”
“You
collapsed in the back of Isaac’s car after the skirmish game.” She gently
pushed my hair off my face. “Don’t try and talk. Just rest.”
“Did
I nearly die?” I asked. “Tell me the truth.”
After
a few minutes, Mum nodded. “You came extremely close to it.”
My
mind flashed back to two weeks previous. Collapsing in the back of Isaac’s
car…hitting my head on the car window…waking up for about ten or so minutes in
the emergency ward. Losing consciousness again and having to be revived.
“I’m
sorry,” I murmured. “I shouldn’t have gone out.”
“I
don’t want you blaming yourself.” She kissed my forehead gently. “Go back to
sleep.”
I
nodded drowsily and drifted back off to sleep, my mind whirling so fast I
barely had a chance to comprehend any of my thoughts.
- x -
A
few days later, Dr. Rivers was discussing my impending operation with my
parents. I was supposed to be sleeping, but in actual fact was hovering in the
state between being asleep and being fully awake, and so could hear every word
they spoke. First issue – the unsuccessful operation I had undergone
approximately eighteen years earlier.
“I
understand that Taylor has already undergone this operation,” Dr. Rivers said
to start off. “I also understand that an allergic reaction prevented it
proceeding any further.”
“That’s
correct,” Mum agreed.
“I
see. Well, that presents a few problems. Before we discuss this issue any
further, I think it may be a good idea to wake him. He will have the last word
on any decisions we make, being that he is legally an adult.”
Before
anyone could do as Dr. Rivers suggested, I opened my eyes and spoke. “I can
hear everything you’re saying, you know,” I said.
“Well,
in that case…”
Pretty
soon, I knew what would happen to me. And it wasn’t something I voluntarily
would have wanted to hear.
“They’re
gonna do what?” I asked incredulously. “They’re gonna stick a tube down
my throat?”
“Precisely.”
“But…won’t
that hurt?” I asked tentatively.
“You’ll
be unconscious both when it’s put in and removed,” Dr. Rivers explained
patiently. “You will have a sore throat for a few days, yes, but that is all.”
Her expression softened. “Taylor, I know you’re scared,” she said.
“Scared?”
I raised myself up on my elbows. “I’m not scared! I- I’m fucking
terrified!” I practically yelled.
“Jordan
Taylor,” Dad cautioned. I tensed, expecting to be slapped upside the head, but
relaxed after a few moments.
“Sorry,”
I apologised. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. “I don’t want to go
through with it,” I confessed. “I honestly don’t. I know I’ve been
through it before, and I have the scar to prove it. But it doesn’t mean that
I’m any more comfortable with it.”
But
then I remembered what Mum had told me. Not living for much longer. I was
already eighteen. The realisation was chilling enough to jolt me back to
reality.
“I’ll
do it,” I said softly, closing my eyes.
