Monday
Tonight, as I sat on the park bench waiting for my head to explode, I had one moment of clarity in which I learned two things:
1) I have to find my dad.
I just have to. As angry as I am, as much as I hate him for abondoning me on the most awful, vunerable day of my life, I don’t want to die without seeing him one more time. I don’t know what I’ll say to him. But there’s something I want to know, and I feel like if I can look in his eyes-just for a moment-I’ll know what his betrayal meant and if there’s any love or trust, or any possibility of it, between us.
2) I have to have sex.
Oh, come on. Don’t be so shocked. I’m seventeen years old. I know the rules about being safe. If my life weren’t in very immediate jeopardy, maybe I would let it wait for the exact time. But let’s face it-I might not be around next week, forget about happily ever after. Besides, I’ve been through a lot of truly awful things in my life, so why should I die without getting to experience one of the few great ones?
Who am I going to have sex with?
Do you have to ask?
All right, I have an answer. In that moment, when my fragile mindset was shattered, the face I saw belonged to Sam Moon. Granted, he hates me. Granted, his girlfriend hates me even more. But I'll find a way. 'Cause he's the one. I can't say why; he just is.
I wish I could convince myself that CJ wouldn't make good on his threat. But I heard his voice. I saw his face. I know he'll do any crazy thing it takes.
I won't go down easy. But I'd be stupid not to prepare for the worst.
Am I afraid? No. I'm never afraid. But the way I see it, dying without knowing love would be a tragedy.
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
