Black and White, and The Grey In Between!

By PassionFish

Disclaimer and Rating – see separate pages!

Chpt1 -- Buffy

Beginnings...

I'm not sure how this started.

I just know when.

A month.

A month yesterday.

I was crying.....and he came to me....huh!

Actually comforted me.

And I let him.

At the time I'm not sure which of us was more shocked.

I look up.

I'm almost there.

This used to be my place.

At least that’s how I used to think of it.

Now it's 'ours'.

I don't mind. Not really.

I sit down, push off and allow my feet to skim the ground as the swing slowly rocks back and forth.

This is how he found me that night.

Except then I wasn't looking forward to (or expecting for that matter) him to be there.

I'm kinda glad that he was though.

Since then we've met here.

We've got a plan now.

But we have to wait.

Only another week now.

And it'll all be over.

He comes with me now on patrol.

I didn't ask him to.

But I didn't complain.

I'd never tell him....but I....well, I kinda like his company!

I hear a twig snap and smile to myself.

This vampire can walk on egg shells and not crack one.

So he did it for my benefit.

"Hey Spike."

Chpt2 -- Spike

Beautiful and pure...

She sits exactly how she did that night.

The moon slides over her hair, creating a shimmering effect of different highlighted tones.

Satan only knows why I did it.

But I gotta admit, I'm kinda glad I did.

Tonight she’s Miss. Calm herself.

Beautiful and Pure.

That night was a different story.

I can feel the anger boil up as a recall what had happened to her.

Her hair muddy, clothes torn.

The scent of blood in the air.

And fear.

So I held her, rocking her back and forth on the swings till she stopped crying.

Took her home and put her to bed.

I stayed with her until first light.

Before seeking shelter in the sewers.

I would have killed him that night if she hadn't made me promise.

So now I have to wait while we follow our plan.

Still, I can't NOT meet her.

She looks like she’s lost in her thoughts.

Not wanting to frighten her (which is a bloody strange reaction for a vampire to a slayer) I purposly step on a twig to let her know I'm here.

She looks up and I see a wisp of a smile on her features.

"Hey, Spike."

She beckons me gracefully, purity and beauty at its height.

I smile back.

"Hello pet."

I move behind her and begin our ritual.

I reach out my hands and pull back the swing, before letting it go.

Her hair flies out behind her as she glides through the air.

Beautiful and Pure.

Chpt3 -- Spike

Dru...

As I hear her approach I sink down into the wheelchair.

Probably wouldn't do our plan much good if the opposition realised that ol' Spike could now walk.

My beautiful black goddess enters bringing with her a....dog?

Yep, a dog.

"Here you go, love, you look a bit pastey."

Oh, fuck me backwards, she wants me to eat it.

Bitch!

"Do I look like a vamp who eats puppies?" I glare at her.

Dru doesn't seem perturbed by my out burst.

Pleased with it would be a better description.

"You need to keep your strength up, pet."

She sits on my lap, stroking my head like I'm a fucking dog.

"You're weak."

I growl loudly and fling her off my lap.

She crashes into the wall, crumbling down to the marble stone floor.

The dog, by some miracle, is unharmed and quickly scampers off.

Dru looks up at me, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, making it look like she's just fed, but messily.

Her eyes flash and she growls playfully at me.

"There’s my nasty William. Come to play with mummy, rruff, rrruff! There’s a good dog."

She’s about to crawl over to me, when the wanker starts to call her.

Actually, bellows for her to come.

She scampers to her feet and is about to run off to obey when she stops, reaches into her dress and pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

Before I can work out what she’s about my hands are trapped together.

"There you go." She pats me on my head and I growl again.

"Dru, take these off. NOW!"

"Don't be a bad boy, we'll have lots of fun later. My Angel's going out to play with the icky slayer tonight so I want to make sure you can't run away from mummy."

"DRUSILLA!"

My anger's lost on her and she leaves.

I rattle the restraints.

They don't budge.

Fuck!

Wait a minute, what was that about the slayer?

My brains' slow on the uptake, still too pissed off to work out why it bothers me but the answer is simple.

Plan or no plan, he's not coming near her tonight.

I don't care what it takes.

Chpt4 -- Buffy

Blind Trust...

My mouth smiles out at Xander and Willow as they dance away to the fast music.

It doesn't reach my eyes.

I know that.

But they're too far away to tell.

They wave at me to join them but I mutely shake my head and hold up my drink as a reason.

They leave it and continue to dance.

I don't really want to be here.

Normally, by now, I would have met Spike.

I hope he's not worried.

Huh, don't be stupid Summers, of course he's not gonna be bothered.

Its not as if he cares.

He's just waiting out the plan till he can get Dru back.

Pause...

Bitch.

Deep breath.

In.

Out.

Okay, drink empty now.

Xander and Willow return and I tell them I'll be back in a minute.

Xander tells me to get him a coke.

I give him the mental finger but smile and nod and turn and walk.

I get knocked into someone at the bar.

"Sorry." I mutter, blindly turning away, trying to meet my destination.

"Don't mention it, pet."

"Spike!" I can't stop the happiness in my head escaping out into my voice.

"I'm glad you're happy to see me, now be a dear and come out here."

His voice is tight but his eyes are alight and mischievous.

He turns

And I follow.

Blind trust I'd think they call it.

Blind trust in my mortal enemy.

Fucking insanity would be a better description.

Chpt5 -- Spike

Handcuffs...

She's laughing.

Actually laughing.

I haven't really heard her laugh before.

I mean I've heard her laugh, but not like this.

This, this uncontrolled, joyous sound.

I grin at her goofily before catching myself.

"Very funny, pet."

"Yeah..it...it really is!"

I growl low in my throat, playfully and watch her giggles sober slowly, but that cheeky smile remained on her face.

"If I must!"

She takes my hands in hers and if I could actually breath I'm sure it would catch in my throat.

"I kinda like you all at my mercy!"

Oh my God.

Her touch is so soft, so gentle, so warm.

"Okay, this might hurt..." She murmurs.

Good!

Okay, mate, think NOT so happy thoughts!

"Stop wriggling!"

"I hurts!" I hear myself whine.

She slides her fingers under one of the cuffs and I can hear her count under her breath.

"One...two...There you go."

I hear a click and the cuff drops from around my right wrist, hanging from my left.

"One down..." I mutter hoarsely.

Fuck...she hasn't moved her hand from my wrist, I don't even think she knows she's doing it.

"Oh! You're hurt!"

Her fingers are rubbing in small circles over the red, raw skin.

*Kiss it better?*

"What?!"

Fuck he'd said it out loud.

"Just...uh...noth-oh..." I watch, my jaw drops, she's actually doing it.

Her lips just brush my wrist, barely even a kiss.

I can hear her heart beat, pounding away, like a bird fluttering its wings as it tries to get away from the jaws of the beast that’s caught it.

I'm still staring at her lips as she pulls away.

"Okay...numero duo!" She mutters, and even in the dim light at the back of the bronze to where I've led her, I can see her face is a flame.

Her fingers are shaking and it takes a little longer but the second cuff soon falls to the ground.

"Play good now." Buffy murmurs to me, and turns away, ready to merge back into the club.

"Wait..."

She turns to me, a slightly apprehensive smile on her lips, "What now, Spike?"

I look over the top of her head as I hear a soft, slow love ballad come on.

"Want to dance, pet?"

She looks up at me and for a second I'm sure she'll refuse.

Then she smiles.

That slow, sweet smile that always turns me inside out.

"Okay."

Chpt5a -- Buffy

Dancing....

Ohmygod!

Ohmygod!

Ohmygod!

We're dancing.

He's touching me.

Holding me.

Well, his arms are loosely draped around me.

We're not really touching.

Not really...but....

His hands feel cold but they're warming me.

Inside.

The song changes, becoming sexier.

I don't want to pull away, but I should, soooo.....

"Come 'ere, love."

Oh god, no-one should have that sexy a voice.

His hands slide around my waist, sending shivers through me.

I hear him growl as he pulls me close.

I feel like I'm touching every part of him.

I can feel the play of the muscles down his body through his clothes as he moves us to the music.

One hand is just on the swell of my bum, the other in between my shoulder blades, he's anchoring me to him.

Like he's afraid to let go.

There’s a deep throbbing beat rolling around the room and I can feel my body echo it as we rock back and forth to the music.

It's nice.

Tender.

Erotic.

I wonder why he came here tonight.

I know we were meant to meet but its not like we finalised it like or date or anything.

More like an unspoken agreement.

So why is he here?

I ask him.

"Angelus."

I stiffen.

I can't help it.

"Dru said he was coming to play with me?"

"Yeah."

He growled the word, anger in every letter.

"We have to get of here then, too many people around."

Slayer brain on.

No time for anything else.

"Okay, pet, get your stuff."

I nod and turn away when he pulls me back and kisses me.

It's soft really, gentle.

His mouth moves slowly over mine.

Teasing my lips open.

I read that in a book once.

He lifts his head and presses another kiss to my forehead, pushing me in the right direction.

Right.

Business Buffy.

Oz has arrived but the others are nowhere to be seen.

Good.

It's easier to tell him I'm going.

He just accepts it.

He looks calm.

That’s what I need.

Calm and Focus.

I grab my coat and head over to where Spike is standing.

"Showtime."

Chpt6 -- Spike

Forget...

She's not crying.

Not anymore.

She seems almost peaceful.

She fell asleep about twenty minutes after the plane had taken off.

She was very tired.

But the sedative I put in her drink helped.

Well, we didn't have to wait for Acathla.

Angelus changed the game plan.

Apparently Angelus never got over the whole watch-Buffy-dance-in-the-Bronze-through-the-shadows thing.

He wasn't expecting me to be her dance partner.

Neither was Dru.

We're on our way to Canada.

I had, have, a house up there, somewhere...

I'll deal with it once we're there.

Angelus is dust.

Since we're not floating around in molten lava, I think its safe to say Acathla's still just a big rock.

I don't know where Dru is.

She was there, then she wasn't.

Fucking weird, I tell you.

Had no time to dwell on it though since I had a devastated slayer on my hands.

I think it as less the fact that she'd killed him.

The prick had certainly made it easy for her.

The shit spewing from his mouth....

I can feel my self begin to change, when Buffy nuzzles me in her sleep, reminding me where we are.

She didn't tell anyone.

Didn't want to.

Just wanted to leave.

So we did.

I'm sure Canada's nice this time of year.

We just need time....to forget.

Just forget.

Chpt7 -- Buffy

Moving...

I heard this song on the radio today.

Not even sure what it’s called.

It was all about a mobile home.

No wait not an ACTUAL mobile home but a girl who was always moving from place to place.

That's me now.

I don't mind so much.

We keep moving around.

Huh! I think Spike's taken it upon himself to show me the world.

Four months now.

That’s how long we've been away from Sunnydale.

I can't even say home.

I don't think I ever thought of it like that, anyway, even when it was good.

We stayed five weeks in Canada.

I only remember the second.

He kept me safe though.

Fed and watered as mom would say.

The forth week was nice.

Better.

He was sweet.

That’s all he is to me these days.

I hate to think about it but I know why.

I think he has left over looking after vibes from Dru.

I don’t want to be a substitute for the loony.

God! I hate her.

But, fuck it, I need someone to look after me for a bit.

The night before we left for Australia (by boat) he took me out.

I'd been cooped up for ages, just moping around the tv and fridge.

We went to the local cinema.

I say local, but it was about a fifty mile drive!

When we got back it had snowed.

I don't know what made me throw the first ball, but after that it was full out war!

No quarter given or asked.

I smile at the memory.

After three weeks in Australia (which I think, given the large amounts of sun was more due to my 'too cold' comments then Spike's fondness for the country - still he had another house there.) it was Italy for four more.

We're now in the South of France.

It's our last night.

It's bloody ridiculous.

I'm even thinking in the plural.

And I'm saying bloody!

I feel silly sometimes, like its all too surreal.

He's my best friend.

And I always wanted to see the world.

So I'm not ready to return.

Not yet.

Just a few more weeks.

Of paradise.

Our paradise.

Chpt7a -- Spike

Buffy Things...

She bites her nails.

She hides it too.

Its...cute.

Also, for a girl who has been around murder and violence for the past two or three years its fucking hilarious that she gets scared shit scared when she sees a spider.

And won't sit back down until its gone.

Or let me sit back down.

She cries at old movies.

Since television started the only female I've been around is Dru and her version of emotion is slightly different from Buffy's.

It’s different to how badly humans can be affected by things that aren’t real.

Chpt7b -- Buffy

Spike things...

He reads poetry.

And he hides it.

Its....sweet.

Also, he keeps blood in our fridge, which is a little weird for a bad ass vamp to do.

Although, I think what’s worse is the fact that he crumbles weetabix up in it.

That’s not so sweet!

When he concentrates, his brow furrows just slightly, but the skin doesn't roll up.

It's like he has stretchy skin that has no effect on itself or its surroundings.

Oh, yeah...

He sings in the shower!

Chpt8 -- Spike

Bad Ass...

Hello Texas!

Cowboy boots and hats everywhere.

Fucking ridiculous.

Buffy loves it though.

She's already gone shopping.

Almost dark though, so she should be back soon.

Speak of the goddess...

"Look what I found!"

She shoves a flyer under my nose.

And drops her bags on my foot.

"OW!"

"Sorry, love."

She doesn't sound sorry, but she looks happy so I let it go.

"Yeah, right." I mutter.

Not quite.

I concentrate on the paper in my hand.

GOTH NIGHT!

"Goth Night? IN Texas?"

She comes back in, changed out of her 'shopping clothes' in to her 'comfy clothes'.

"Yep, wanna go?"

"Do I get a choice?"

"Do you want me to go alone?"

Fuck, she always knows what to say.

"No." I mutter reluctantly.

"There’s your answer!" She smiles and moves across the flat to the kitchen, preparing us lunch.

"I bought a special dress." She says in a teasing tone as she shoves her pizza in the oven and my blood in the microwave.

"You mean I bought you a dress." I grouse, but we both know I've given in...as though there was ever any contest!

"The point is, I have the dress, you have...well, you and we haven't gone to a club since...since..."

Her voice is cracking.

Shit!

I quickly move round the counter to go to her but the microwave bleeps and she turns away.

I sigh.

Fuck.

"'Course we'll go pet." I say with forced cheer.

"Great."

Fuck.

---

Fuck.

"Pet, maybe we should stay in."

Buffy shoots me her 'demure' look but doesn't quite manage to pull it off since she's standing in what a very generous, or mentally insane, person described as a dress.

"Come on, Spike."

She grabs my wallet off the side counter and drops it in my pocket grabbing the car keys and heading to the door.

"Better come quick, or I'm driving."

"No bloody chance, love."

Chpt9 -- Spike

Arguing...

Where the fuck was she?

A pretty looking girl with dark make up saunters up to me.

Her blackened pouting lips open but before she can speak I start, "Sorry love, cant say I'm interested."

"Fuck you, then, cowboy!" She struts off, grabbing the nearest farm boy before dragging him off to the centre of the dance flo-

THERE she is!

God, I love watching her dance.

Even though this isn't her usually crowd her body moves instinctively to the beat.

That 'dress' should be illegal.

What the fuck is this anyway?

Oh, yeah, Korn.

Fucking good kids.

Some of the better ones, I mean some of the shit that comes out these day-WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!

I don't even notice that I'm moving.

Others seem to though, because the crowd parts.

Clever kiddies.

The Big Bad's pissed now.

This blokes got his hands all over her.

I move up behind her, my arm moving around her, slamming her into my body and away from the grabby lothario.

My other hand shoots out before she can stop it, slamming into the punk's face.

God, I love the sound of breaking bones!

"SPIKE!"

I growl, ignoring her as the kid gets up.

"What the hell d'ya think ya doin' mister."

Oh my God.

I think I'm gonna heave.

Who the fuck still talks like that?

"If you want to stay attached to your hands keep them OFF my girl!"

"Spike! What the hell are you doing?"

She's wriggling in my grasp but I'll be damned if I'll let her go!

"We're leaving."

My voice is flat.

Low.

Dangerous.

Even to my own ears.

Good.

"No...SPIKE, get off-"

"NOW!"

I growl.

My face changes.

I can't even stop it.

My eyes flash dangerously.

The whelp backs off.

As do about thirty other people.

Good.

---

She's beautiful.

I never thought anyone could be so...

She teases me like no-one ever has.

Yet, she's so naive.

Shit, I think I'm in love with her.

Could my life get any more fucked than this?

I don't even know how it happened.

One minute we're arguing about that wanker from the club and the next I'm kissing her.

She's asleep now.

Worn out.

I lean down and press a gentle kiss to my mark on her neck.

I've never marked a mortal before.

I want to talk to her about what it means.

I don't want to wake her though.

She's sleeping so...peacefully.

For the first couple of months she had nightmares.

They're less frequent now but usually one every week.

Not this week though.

I'm gonna make sure never again.

I love her.

Chpt9a -- Buffy

Making up...

The sun has just risen over the rocky mountain outside the window of our flat.

I can't see it exactly but I can see it's reflection.

Its amazing.

It looks likes someone’s just dipped the sky in a fiery pink.

I think all Spike's poetry is starting to rub off on me.

He's sleeping now.

He looks kinda boyish in his sleep.

The only thing that gives away his bad ass image is the scar on his eyebrow.

I want to touch it, touch him.

But I don't want to wake him.

His vamp side needs to sleep around sun rise.

I woke up about ten minutes ago.

I don't think I've ever felt this relaxed.

This content.

I feel...amazing.

Maybe I need a thesaurus but that’s the only word that I can think of that describes last night.

Maybe not the beginning fighting bit, but defiantly the making love bit that followed.

Definitely making love.

Not just sex.

And he marked me.

I mean he bit me and said, "Mine. You're mine."

Okay, now I know I was never research-girl but I'm pretty sure that this means something big for vampires.

I really wish I had Willow to talk to about it all.

And, yegh, yes, I wish I had Giles' books to look it all up.

Maybe I'll talk to Spike....maybe...

Well, no, maybe I won't.

I bet he'll bring it up though so...

It's weird I feel like the final part of me has slotted into place.

I wasn't...happy.

I haven't really been happy for a while.

It got from bad to worse after Angel turned in to Angelus.

But then, after that night by the swings.

It started to move from worse to bad.

After the 'big finale' I was just numb.

But the last two months the feelings been starting to come back.

Its been like my whole world has been tingling slowly to awareness.

Last night though....

OMG, last NIGHT!

My whole world feels like its been thrown into awareness.

And it feels....amazing.

Okay, yeah, I need another word.

But that really is how I feel.

I think I'm falling in love with him.

How whacked is that?

But...

It's true.

Chpt10 -- Buffy

Bundle of Joy...

I love this place.

We've been here a week.

We stayed in Texas for five weeks after that night.

Hmm, that AMAZING night.

I can feel myself blush, feel my own breath quicken as I recall that night.

In front of me Spike turns and shoots me that sexy smirk which doesn't help me control my current condition.

No fair.

NO-ONE should have that sexy an expression in his repertoire.

I pout at him.

He growls.

God, I love that sound.

No, bad Buffy.

Get back on track.

Okay!

After Texas was Germany for about a month.

Then France again, for another month.

I liked France a lot.

But here is pretty too.

Not as warm, but after living on a Hellmouth for two years I can live without too much heat!

We're in England.

In Europe!

I've never been to Europe before.

Well...actually, until a few months ago I hadn't been out of North America before!

In this town called York.

Actually I think its a city.

Doesn't matter, its really pretty!

There's something new.

Something....unimaginable.

I mean he's a vampire, he's not even alive!

Even if I do lov- oh!

Damn, I fallen in love with him!

It's all his fault!

He doesn't even act like a vampire anymore.

Not like the one I was so scared of when he first came to Sunnydale last year.

What do they call it?

Oh, yeah!

'Bundle of Joy'

Well, that’s what we have.

I'm glad he's turned away again so he can't see the smug smile I'm positive is on my face.

It's wonderful.

Amazing.

Except....

I haven't told him.

Chpt10a -- Spike

Impossible...

I don't think I'm ever gonna move again.

Whoever heard of a lethargic vampire?

And what the hell is that sound?

She's worried, I know.

We've been lying here for half an hour now, and I still haven't regained the feelin' in my legs!

I don't think unlife or life's ever been this good.

Get back on track mate!

That sound.

My arms are wrapped around her and she moves them, so that my hands are covering her abdomen.

"What's wrong, pet?"

"I...uh, I have to tell you something. I'm not sure you're going to...like it, though. I mean I like it. I love it, its wonderful in fact..."

"Buffy, pet, slow down." I slot my words in quickly, she's defiantly worried now - she's stuttering!

"I'm...I'm..."

She grabs my hands again and presses them against my stomach.

"You..you're...you're..."

Oh, fuck-a-duck!

Now I'm stuttering!

"Can you hear it?" She asks timidly.

Oh Fuck Me.

That sound.

Impossible!

Chpt11 -- Spike

Payback...

I didn't even fucking notice them until it was too bloody late.

They said it was payback.

I'll never forgive myself.

She's sleeping now.

The nurse gave her some morphine for the pain, and some tablet to make her sleep.

They said it was bloody fortunate that nothing else was damaged.

But she'll always have the scar.

And I'll always have the reminder.

I'll never forgive myself.

She...she lost the baby.

They said it would have been quick.

Instantaneous.

He wouldn't have felt a thing.

Sixteen bloody weeks old.

Four months.

Fucking miracle of nature and her never even got to...

I growl, my face changes.

My cut, bruised face.

There were fifty of them.

Fifty!

Angelus' childer.

Stupid prick always was...

"Spike?"

Her voice is gravely, weak..

"Yeah, baby, I'm here." So's mine.

I clasp her hand a little tighter, bringing it up to my lips.

Her eyes fill with tears.

"I'm so sor-"

"Shhhh...it wasn't your fault."

Her fingers move carefully across my cut, swollen lips.

Then over my features.

Her touch is so soft and gentle...

And weak.

I growl again.

"I love you."

"I know you do." She whispers the words, tears falling freely down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry."

"Once I'm out of here, I'm blowing up Ireland."

"Okay, pet."

"Bastards."

I move up next to her on the bed, carefully avoiding the tubes and wires flowing too and from her body.

I lie down and she curls up to me as best she can without jolting her stomach.

Her face tucks in to my neck.

Licking at the mark she put there two months ago.

"Oh god..."

She's crying again.

Fuck, I don't know what to do.

I want to go out and rip off all their cocks and shove them down their throats.

But I don't want to leave her.

I can't leave her.

"I love you...I love you....shhh, baby, everything will be fine....I love you...." I keep up the litany until her cries taper off an her breathing slows.

"I love you, Spike."

I'll never forgive myself.

Chpt12 -- Buffy

Blood...

I've been in the hospital for two days.

I was out on the third.

I heal quick.

I don't like hospitals.

Neither does Spike.

My...my son has been dead for three days.

Seventy-Two Hours.

Four thousand, three hundred and twenty seconds.

Four thousand, three hundred and twenty seconds of pure pain.

I've never felt like this before.

Two hours till sundown and its just pumping through by veins.

Pumping, surging, flowing.

Violence.

Sheer, unadulterated violence.

Two days ago I promised Spike I was going to blow the whole fucking country to hell.

Since then I've found some clarity.

There's are nest.

There were fifty vampires that night.

Fifteen made it home undead.

I was never one to draw out the fight.

Well, except with Spike.

But he's different.

Speaking of my lover, or rather his moniker.

I think I'm gonna take a leaf out of his book tonight.

I lift the object in my hand up to the light and stare at it dispassionately.

Tonight we're out for blood.

And I intend to draw it out.

It's all about blood.

And tonight, I'm avenging my son's.

Chpt13 -- Spike

Going home...

It's been six weeks.

We left that night.

Neither of us wanted to stay in Ireland.

We're back in America.

New York, to be precise.

We're working our way back to good ol' Sunnydale.

Heading home.

Just waiting for her to tell me she's ready.

The first week was hell.

In no weak sense of the world.

I barely remember it.

All I remember is the need to take my mate away from there.

It's not getting better.

It's getting bearable.

---

We've barely spoken since it happened.

But, tonight we made love for the first time since...

No.

Stop.

I told her I loved her.

And she smiled at me.

She hasn't smiled in a nearly a month.

I could write for an eternity just about how it feels when she smiles at me.

I mean really smiles at me.

It's like the whole world isn't there, just her and-

"Spike?"

I look down.

She's smiling at me.

Again.

She must have been watching me for a while because her smile is a mixture of loving and teasing.

"I'm ready to go home. I mean, if you are."

"Whatever you want, m'love." I murmur into her hair as I draw her back down to my chest.

"I love you."

I hear her mumble and feel her lips press gently into my side.

God, I love her.

"I love you too, baby."

"Good."

I chuckle at her child-like tone of voice and roll her underneath me, pressing my lips to hers.

We'll head home tomorrow.

Anything to make her happy.

Chpt14 -- Buffy

When I wake up...

My eyes open slowly to the shaded sun that enters our room.

I feel peaceful and contented.

All I've really felt since he told me he loved me.

Obviously not the first time.

Not when we found out....NO! Stop it.

I mean the second time.

In New York.

We've been back a couple of weeks.

Sharing my old room.

'Sharing' sharing.

It seems strange.

Not sharing a bed with him obviously.

But being back here - in my room. Having sex under my mother's roof.

Mom seems okay with us, it - whatever 'it' is.

We haven't spoken privately yet.

I know she wants to but can't get me alone.

I know she watches us. Watches Spike watch me.

Since we returned he's barely left my side.

Not that we were really apart before but now he's more....possessive.

She doesn't realise what he went through before - with Miss Ho of the century.

She doesn't realise why he does it.

I know why though.

I close my eyes and turn in his cool embrace, resting my head on his chest.

I smile as his arms wrap around me again.

He cools me from the inside.

Keeps me calm.

Keeps me safe.

Keeps me his.

Chpt15 -- Spike

Mine...

The watcher still doesn't know she's back.

Neither do her friends...yet.

I think she'll tell them in a few days.

Wonder how they'll react - probably not well...wankers.

Well, I won't let them hurt her, I'll keep her safe - just like I have these months.

We're living at her mothers'.

She wanted to be here specifically so we're here.

Don't think Joyce appreciates my presence in her home but fuck it - not her choice.

Ironic.

She seems to know all about the whole slayer gig.

Guess the slayer's pet Scooby’s let her in on the big secret when Buffy left.

Don't know if she knows I'm a vampire though.

We don't exactly chat.

Didn't need an invite since I already had one, so it didn't come up then either.

I want to find a house for us, where it can just be the two of us.

I don't want to share her.

She's mine.

...And I'm her's.

Chpt16 -- Buffy

Facing them...

It wasn't easy.

Tears, threats, anger...

I'd almost forgotten that he used to be my enemy.

They hadn't.

I'm crying.

I don't want to but I am.

He's rocking me on his lap, whispering to me - begging me to stop.

Telling me it'll be okay.

I don't feel like I can live here anymore, in this house.

I know mom hadn't done anything...yet...

He doesn't like it here - he doesn't say so, but I know.

I think maybe we'll go to the flat.

Yeah, I'll give them time and give us space from them.

"Spike?"

I sniff, raising my head from his shoulder to look in to his oh-so-blue eyes.

He gently kisses me before replying, "Yeah?"

I sniff again, trying to find the words.

"I want to go."

"Where, pet?"

He brushes back some hair from face. His touch is always so gentle. Not like a demon.

"Back to the flat...I don't think I can live here any-"

My voice brakes as sobs return and he cuddles me back against him.

Attempting to dull my pain at my friends lack of support.

Even Willow...

I leave the thought, concentrating on evening out my breathing.

As I calm I look back at him, pleadingly.

Not an expression anyone's used to seeing.

"Can we go back? Please?"

I watch as his lips descend on mine, softly kissing me.

He pulls back and there’s a smile on his face as he answers.

"Sure, pet."

I breathe out a sigh of relief and replace my head on his chest.

My eyes are beginning to droop.

Tired from the exhaustion of crying.

He gently lifts me, carefully taking me to our bedroom, softly placing me under the sheets.

I remember why I'd forgotten.

It was easy.

Chpt17 -- Spike

Home Sweet Home...

As predicted the idiots didn't take it well.

She cried for hours.

I wish I could just go back and rip their throats out.

I hate seeing her cry.

Kills me all over again each time she does.

I'd kept her happy for weeks until...

My face morphs at the fact that they broke the happiness I created for her.

But we're back at the flat now.

I'd brought her here a couple of times before it all happened.

To get patched up.

To tell the truth, I'd forgotten about it.

She hadn't though.

Obviously she liked it.

That's why we're living here.

For now.

For as long as she wants.

I look up as she walks into the room.

She just smiles at me, walks over and kisses me.

I wonder if she even knows my face has changed...

"Mmmm, I'm hungry." She moves into the kitchen, smiling still.

I'd do anything to see her smile at me.

And she knows it....I'm so whipped!

"I'm glad we're home." She says, taking my hand and gently pulling me towards the bedroom.

I smile.

"Me too, pet."

Home sweet home, eh?

Chpt18 -- Buffy

Something new...

Faith is dead.

A new slayer was called.

She's not in Sunnydale though so he's safe...

I've started to patrol again - what is it they say about old habits?

Sometimes he comes...

Well, he's always there but sometimes he just follows me.

When I need some alone-time.

I never see him.

But I can feel him there.

No Scooby’s though.

Not for three weeks.

To be honest, three-bliss-filled weeks!

Mom's visited a few times.

Well, closer to fourteen.

It's weird.

In a town as small as Sunnydale you'd have thought we'd have seen Xander or Willow or Oz or Cordy or Giles.

What did Cordy say my first day here?

Oh, yeah - "We don't have a lot of town here!"

Ain't that the truth.

After New York this is isn't small.

Its tiny!

Which is even more of a reason...

At least one of them once, if not all together.

But no.

Not a whisker.

I don't really care, but I can feel a showdown a-coming!

Coming soon to a cemetery near you!

We went to the Bronze the other night.

They were having a 'Goth Nite'!

Spike decided it was fate.

But vetoed my ever wearing that dress out of the house again!

First time since we've been in Sunnydale.

It hadn't changed.

It was kinda like that night that started all this off.

But this time we went to our warm, safe home.

As appose to the hell that followed the last time.

Found out something else today.

Something new...

I wonder if he'll know...like last time.

Chpt19 -- Spike

Hope...

"What’s wrong, love?"

She's worried, I can tell.

She's been fiddling with the covers for thirty minutes for one thing...

I pull her to me, back to chest, kissing her neck.

I swirl my tongue around my bite mark and as expected she shivers.

I still can't stop touching her.

My arms are wrapped around her waist, hands resting on her stomach, close to her breasts.

I hear her take a deep breath, her hands cover mine.

I frown...what is she doing?

This is familiar.

She slowly moves them down to her lower abdomen.

De-ja-vu much? Christ, I even sound like her in my head!

"Buffy?"

That’s when I hear it.

Two heartbeats, instead of one.

"Buffy?"

I can't keep the hope out of my voice.

She turns on to her back, a shy smile on her face.

"Spike, I....I'm pregnant."

Chpt20 -- Buffy

Happy...

He's not moved, I'm a little worried.

"Spike?"

One of my hands move to gently touch his cheek.

As I make contact his eyes focus on mine.

Before I know it I'm on top of him and he's hugging me.

So tightly that it hurts a little.

He loosens his grip on me and pulls my lips to his.

When he pulls back my head is in his hands and he's smiling.

His eyes are slightly glassy.

I frown as I see tears.

"Spike?"

I can hear the worry in my voice.

"I love you, Buffy."

Though I see tears I see happiness.

He rolls so I'm on my back, peppering kisses down my neck, across my chest.

I can still feel him smiling against my skin and I smile.

He's happy.

And that makes me happy.

Chpt21 -- Spike

This time...

We're lying in bed.

She's asleep in my arms.

Hmm...worn her out!

She's just starting to show again.

She's different this time. Happier about it all.

I don't think she minds the bump - its only little, but I can tell when we make love.

She minded it all before because of him.

Because he forced her away from her home.

Her family.

'Couse he was never there for her the way she needed him to be.

Well, I'll always be there for her.

She knows that......doesn't she?

I pull her closer and whisper into her hair, "I'll never leave you."

"You better not!" She mumbles, moving her arm from over my chest to resting on it.

I chuckle.

I slide my hands across her stomach and on to her abdomen.

I delicately trace the scar the dagger left.

It feels like it gets smaller everyday, which is good.

This time will be different.

This time we'll have our baby.

This time nothing will go wrong.

This time everything will be..."Perfect."

Chpt22 -- Buffy

Visitors

Its Monday.

Willow came round today.

Its been nearly a month since I told them all.

It was her that hurt the most....or maybe Giles.

Spike wouldn't leave us to talk alone.

I could tell she was shocked.

Both of the fact and that I didn't say anything.

Like I said - I know why.

She apologised.

A lot.

We decided to take it slow - try and rebuild our friendship.

She said she'd meet me for patrol tomorrow.

Guess that’s something to look forward to.

She says Giles wants to see me...if I want to.

Guess that’s Wednesday booked.

I didn't tell her.

I'm about three months along so I show in tight tops.

But I was in my 'comfy clothes'

So she didn't see.

Or at least she didn't say anything.

I don't know if I'm ready to tell my mother.

Yet.

Its too soon.

Chpt23 -- Spike

Scans...

We went for her first scan today - after the witch left.

There was an all night clinic just outside of town.

Good thing too since I wasn't looking forward to burning to a crisp.

Anyway, everything’s normal.

Ten fingers, ten toes.

No fangs or ridges and its not sucking the slayer's blood so that’s a good.

I really need to get my language back.

Having said that I heard her say "Bloody Hell!" the other day so I must rubbing off on her too.

The doctor gave us a picture - its on the mantle.

I'm looking at it right now.

My son.

Mine.

She walks in, smiling at me, carrying a cup of blood.

I know she hates it when I feed so I bought some blood bags.

Don't even say it 'couse I know.

Believe me I know.

But when she straddles my lap and starts kissing me I don't give a fuck.

Mmmm, defiantly not.

Chpt24 -- Buffy

Watcher...

Giles is here.

Sitting opposite us.

I know he's not comfortable with Spike but I don't care.

I watch as he moves to the edge of his seat.

"H-how have you been?"

He stutters; he's worried.

"Good...you?"

He nods his head as he replies, "Yes, f-fine."

His eyes dart up to Spike and then back to me.

I don't even have to look to know where Spike's eyes are focused.

Giles seems shocked by it: that he watches me.

Having said that they all do.

Not that I care.

Funny - My Watcher is watching my watcher watch me!

Chpt25 -- Spike

Kicking...

I softly kiss her neck as she calms, my demon back under control.

I listen to her erratic breathing as it slowly slows.

My eyes are closed, trying in turn to regain my equilibrium.

She pushes gently on my shoulders and I carefully roll off her.

Before I can even pull her into my arms her petite form is already curled up to mine.

Her body fits so perfectly against mine.

Perfect.

I slip my hands down her back and resting on her stomach.

The bumps' more prominent now, I still think it looks cute!

I can hear her dropping off and I close my eyes since I'm quite fatigued myself.

That's when I feel it.

Little vibrations against my hands.

Like a wuss I jump and pull my hands away.

Chuckling at my actions. I hear the slayer's light laughter.

Her hands reach back for mine and puts them back on her stomach.

Then it happens again.

It's kicking.

The baby's kicking.

Our baby's kicking.

My baby's kicking.

My eyes have gone glassy...must be something in the air.

Yeah, mate. That'll cut it!

Chpt26 -- Buffy

Stand up and shout...

Ugh!

Xander came round today.

To our home.

Since I didn't tell him where we lived that means mom or Willow or Giles told him.

Willow.

We're getting on tonnes better these days.

We actually talk.

I mean like best friends talk.

Her about Oz.

Me about Spike.

I think its easier for the two of us because her partners a werewolf.

And mines a vampire.

We're closer anyway.

But I haven't told her about the baby yet.

I haven't even told Giles.

A few weeks ago I started training with him.

It's not that I felt I needed to.

Like I'm not ready to face whatever crap the Hellmouth feels like throwing at me.

I just...well, I miss the whole watcher/slayer connection thing.

I mean, I love fighting Spike.

But before I realised I was pregnant again, it always ended the same way.

Sex.

Not that that isn't great.

Its perfect.

Yummy....

Whoa, zoned there!

The last three months, though, he's too scared that he'll hurt me.

He blames himself for what..what happened before.

Anyway, Xander.

He was kinda quiet.

No maybe quiet isn't the right word.

Subdued might have been better.

Like a certain red-haired witch and glasses-cleaning watcher had threatened extreme pain would be the result if he was to act his usual idiot self!

Not one to break tradition Spike wouldn't leave us alone to talk.

For once I was grateful of this fact.

He'd been getting better.

But with the big four-month mark coming up he's as protective as ever.

It'll be next week.

Friday.

We're going out.

I've promised everyone a night, the six of us, a night at the Bronze.

Then we're meeting mom and Giles at home - well, her home.

I just have to tell Spike.

And I will....

Soon...

Probably...

No, defiantly...

On Friday.

Coward!!

--

"No!"

Oh, God.

I knew I should have told him before.

I stand up and shout.

"I WANT to go out! I haven't been out with my friends in months. Baby, I love you but I need us to pick up my old life and merge it with our new one. I'll be fine."

I'm shouting at him.

Screeching, almost!

But I'm pissed off!

"I want you to have your old life back as well, pet, but what if something happens and I can't protect you...like last time."

Oh.

"We can't hide here forever."

He pouts.

Good.

He's playing with me.

Not so mad anymore.

"And who's gonna dare come near me with the Big Bad snarling over me?"

I smile at him.

He smiles back.

And kisses me.

Chapter 27 – Spike “Old Flame...”