You Can?t Compare Apples and Oranges:

The Truth Behind the Idiom?The Tale of a Superior Breed

  Picture a man dragged out and abandoned in the desert for forty days and forty nights without food, water, or shelter.  Now, picture his rescue.  A helicopter touches down in the sea of sand, scooping up the man, who is bordering on death and insanity.  After returning home, the man enters the kitchen to obtain some much-needed refreshment after this long period of torture.  He spots the fruit bowl over in the corner and discovers that he has options.  A single apple and a single orange lie on the table equidistant from the assailant.  Which will he pick?  Which is logically more helpful to him in the state of starvation?  Which has more raw beauty? 

            This is not to say that I (or anyone else involved in this site) support the consumption of oranges for life-sustaining purposes (though it is a good bit more humane if they naturally fell from the grove), but let?s be honest, folks, what other fruit has the nutritional value of even a single citrine orange?  Not only can one get 100% daily value of Vitamin C, but it?s also packed with fluid, which would perfectly quench the irrepressible thirst of a parched desert-dweller. 

            What shape is more perfect than a sphere?  None, I tell you truly!  It has infinite lines of symmetry and when given texture, contact with these perfect objects of perfection can be a perfectly sensual experience.  In addition to all of this, the orange is perfectly organized into the small sections, which house their ultra-sweet fruit and perfectly shaped seeds.

            Then there was the apple?it?s so irregularly shaped.  Often hard, if they are not allowed to ripen, apples can be bitter and dangerous to the soft-toothed.  Apples have a stem and a large core that prohibits the consumption of the entire piece (did I mention that I am willing to turn a blind-eye to the massacre of these trashy beings?).

            In conclusion apples are disgusting and freaks of nature.  However, oranges are beautiful and glow with citrine goodness.  Can you compare them?  Well?yes.  Does any good come from this comparison?  Absolutely not because there is clearly no contest!