The Carnage Continues

We were eating in the cafeteria (AGAIN!) when Laurie saunters up sucking the flesh of an orange off the delicate, though withered, skin! She accentuated the noises of dececration and then promtly ran away to further embarass the corpse by throwing it into the trashcan with common refuse! COMMON REFUSE I SAY! AGGHHH! PAOA hunted Laurie down and kicked her in the shins. Then she ran away. We would have liked to pop your eyes out with my thumb and then piss in the holes (Pepper, obviously Kjersti has lent you my Sandman. Tell her I want it back. -- Erin 8/22/02) but sadly this was not feasable. We shall punish her thoroughly for this evil!

The August Funeral

Erin did such a good job mantaining things here at the PAOA headquarters that the rest of us crusaders had little to do. But then- ::nifty James Bond music plays:: the rest of us ate lunch.
It was a fairly normal, quiet day. Well fairly normal and quiet for the first day of a Febreez-y fresh school year. PAOA was eating lunch quite happily. If I recall we were all starving and eating hamburgers -- even Kjersti, because she came from a land where it was cold and there was a famine (no, not Norway, her house). Anyways, it was then we smelled it: the unmistakable scent of a freshly killed orange. We demanded to know who slaughtered it. People gave us weird looks and whispered to their friends. We interrogated them again in loud voices. They gave us even weirder looks and ate their food like cattle chewing the cud. Suddenly! Kjersti saw a hideous and heinous sight. Next to her left foot was the remains of an orange. PAOA gasped and gathered round. We lifted it up from the nasty cafeteria floor and wrapped it in the sacred white shroud of a paper napkin.
With great haste we disposed of our dirty dishes and grabbed a white plastic spork with which to dig a grave. However, we were trapped on campus and had no means of escapeing to a place where people would be more inclined to let us dig holes. Well, inclinations be damned we dug a hole! We went to the prettiest place on campus and we found a mighty tree and dammit if I didn't dig a hole in what smelled like a mix of horse manure and peat. We made a shallow grave, placed the orange and shroud into the earth, and sang Amazing Grace in Cherokee. I was about to run to find some much needed hand sanitizer (Bath and Body Works Juniper Breeze scent!) but then! Hark! The iceman commeth! Actually twas no iceman but a teacher renowned for her talent at inforcing the rules and regulations we joyfully ignore and rebell against. PAOA was worried...what if digging a hole was in some way "evil"? But no! We explained our holy crusade and she laughed! She agreed with our mission statement! The day was saved thanks to some fast mumbling by Kjersti and earnest nodding from me! Still, the funeral was a sobering and heart-heaving event.