Alone in a Home Built for Two
Sunday, December 7th, 2003
Alone in a Home Built for Two
A Dom Entry
I got home at 10:30 last night. I don't remember where I was those two-and-a-half hours after I left the Alibi, but I know it wasn't with Billy. I think I would have remembered some shouting. Or would be able to recognize some bruises.
But for now, I don't really have anything to show for last night. Other than the fact that I think Billy hates me and has been avoiding any word with me since then. I'm already getting used to the silence around here. And Billy's narrow glances.
He thinks I ruined everything. I think so, too.
I should have left when Leon arrived at the Alibi. I should have just let them work things out; sooner or later Billy would have realised that Leon isn't MS. But I didn't leave. And now Billy hates me, I think. At least... he doesn't care anymore. That's the last thing he said, anyway. He doesn't care.
I don't know if I'm scared. I don't think so. I did get to tell Leon who Billy thought he was. I don't know how, but I'm kind of depending on him now to break the news to Billy. Leon's probably the only one Bill will believe around here anymore. Doubt he'd want to hear it from me again. And I don't want to say anything.
I think I've broken his heart. Not for MS. But for me. If he had a heart for me at all.
I don't want to write a letter. I'll be sitting at the typewriter knowing that every word I type, for Billy, is coming from Leon. And what do I say, anyway? Should I mention Saturday at all?
I don't want Billy to find out about Leon anymore. He was happy before I got involved. He's happy around Leon. And, shite, now he's going to get hurt because Leon has to tell him everything. Because I told him to. He's going to get hurt, and he won't want to come to me. He's going to hate me.
I don't think I'll survive this. He doesn't want to be my Billy anymore. I can't stop wanting him.
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