Forgive and Forget (Sort of)
Monday, December 8th, 2003
Forgive and Forget (Sort of)
A Billy Entry
While I was driving home after the disaster that was Saturday evening, I wasn't sure that I'd ever be able to look at Dom in a kindly way ever again. He came home that night hours after I left the Alibi, and I tried to pretend that I hadn't been wondering where he'd got off to, that I wasn't the slightest bit worried. But I was. After all, with the mood he had been in, I couldn't be sure what state of mind he was in, and he was out alone on his bike, and, well... I worry. It doesn't matter how mad I was. I still wanted him to come home safe.
However, that didn't stop me from expressing no interest whatsoever when I finally heard his key in the lock. I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, because I had no idea whether or not Dom would go straight to bed or stay up wandering around the house, and I didn't want to risk running into him. I wanted to avoid a shouting match if at all possible, and I knew that would be the only thing to result from one glance at him.
I avoided him at all costs yesterday, though the anger had died down, replaced with a good dose of confusion. None of this adds up. I still can't wrap my head about what went on that evening, and I'm hoping that Leon will be able to tell me when I go to visit him later this week. I thought about going to see him yesterday, but the truth is I'm still mortified about what happened, although I can't say I really believe it's my fault. Still, I'm embarrassed for the way Dom acted, and I'm hoping to put a few days between that and seeing him again.
Still, that didn't stop me from wanting to go. And I did. Desperately.
Today is Dom's birthday, and I spent the majority of the day wondering how exactly this was going to be in any way pleasant for him. And then I realized that a man's 27th birthday doesn't come around every day, and I needed to put aside my pride and help him have a good one, despite my own feelings. When I got back from work, I made a quick stop at the store to pick up some ice cream and a brownie mix, and then I went home to make brownies. I also wrapped up the shirt I'd bought him, and practiced putting on a pleasant face in the mirror.
It worked, I think. Really, once he got home and I saw the face he's been wearing for the past two days, I let it go. I'm still confused as hell. But it's apparent I'm not going to get the answers from Dom, and I still have to live with the bloke. And he's still my best friend. And fights between best friends do happen, but they also are forgotten about. I'm not saying I'll forget this one, but I'm willing to put this behind me, until I can get more concrete answers.
So with ice creams sundaes and a candle in a brownie we rang in another new year for Dom. And the smile I had on my face was genuine.
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