Letter 34
Friday, December 19th, 2003
Letter 34
Delivered at 1:48 pm, Friday, December 19th.
My Billy,
If there is anything I could say to make you write back to me, please write back and tell me what it is. I miss you, love. I know I've told you before, but it's been nearly a week now since your last letter. If Christmas Eve arrives and I can't be with you, what will I do? I'm afraid that that would be the end. Please tell me I'm wrong; that won't happen. Tell me that you still want to be mine, not just another heart shutting itself from this world. I want to give you so much.
I know you deserve to have someone who will be there for you. That's why I'm still counting the days. I know that on Christmas Eve I will be there for you because I promised you I would. Do you even believe that promise anymore? If you don't want me to come to you, just say so. I need to know, Billy, please.
I know thhat even if you told me never to write again, to give up my ideas of being with you or caring for you, I wouldn't cherish you any less. But I would at least know to stop hurting you. Am I doing that?
I only have five days left to decide. Though I've already resolved to care for you for the rest of my life, I'd like to know if you would criticise me for this. It's not such a bad life, really; even if you don't return the emotion. You still make me much happier than I was before. Really, I mean, I don't think I've ever realised the full potential of hot chocolate until now. Nor did I see the potential of my heart for dreams, losses, and achievements; its potential to hold so much of you in such a small space.
Billy... I miss you. You have to see what that means. I only have five days. I need you back.
There are too many things I have to tell you in person.
Yours for Keeps,
MS
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