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Sunday, November 16th, 2003
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A Dom Entry
Billy said that he was "love struck."
Shite, what if he's in love with MS? Do I egg him on like I know I inevitably will, or should I stand back a bit? It doesn't really feel like I have much of a choice.
Love?
I can't remember the last time I was in love. Well, yes, I can, but I try not to, and it was so long ago that I'd rather just leave it there for the rest of my life. I don't want that coming up now anyway. Not around Billy. Hold it, does that mean that I might...?
No no no... It's just MS. MS is the one who's obsessed with Billy.
Hell, that's not true.
But I can't be in...you know. Not with Billy. I just have to be his friend. I have to talk to him, sympathize, tell him about MS. I'm playing my role. I'm not...I don't feel anything more than slight affection for him.
Very slight.
You can't even tell, it's so small, it's hardly there.
And that's why I can't stop smiling around him. Or laughing at every little joke. Or blushing everywhere. Or giving him sodding chocolates and teddy bears just because I know what he'll look like when I say, "And by the way, look what he sent you."
I need to call home. I need to talk to Mum or someone who will listen to me and make sense of this. But, no, Mum wouldn't want that. I could just imagine it. "Hey, Mum. How are you? Yeah, so, I really have this thing for this one guy I think and I was just wondering what you thought about it..." No. No, no.
And I can't talk to Billy. And I'm really sure that Marty would enjoy having a chat with me about my interest in pursuing lonely, single males.
And the house is still down. And I still have to call someone about that.
And I still have to tell Billy that I'm staying.
I'm staying...
Does that mean that I...?
No. No, that's MS. And I'm not MS. I'm not... We're just very similar. MS is in love with Billy, and Dom is not. That's the difference. Right. But we can both think he's inhumanly beautiful.
Yes.
Yes, he is.
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