Something More Than Dreams to Watch Out for Each Other
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
Something More Than Dreams to Watch Out for Each Other
A Dom Entry
It feels quiter around here. You know.
I mean, it isn't really, because now I can finally play my music as loud as I want. That is, before Billy convinces me to turn it down... Actually "distracts" is a better word. Distracts me with tempting kisses as he twists the nob. And with a little time, we end up making love in the way we can't help doing... Then the house isn't quiet at all, really.
It's so lovely, that. But it's still... It's not the same here. It's emptier. No, that isn't the right word either. I'm not empty. I'm so, so full with every feeling I've ever wanted. Just one look at Billy and it happens again. My friend has become my lover. My lover has become my fiancé. And soon, my fiancé will take my hand, take his vows, and become a part of me that can never be taken away.
That's why Mum cried at the airport today as she was saying goodbye. Of course she needed to cry, to tell us that she would miss us. But I think she knows something else that I've only begun to consider. That...this is it. Billy and I. And when the wedding comes... When the wedding comes, Billy is going to take that place inside of me, fill that little space that's been waiting to be filled for so long now. He's going to be my family, in a way that Mum, and Dad, Matt, and anyone else never could. I think Mum's jealous of that, in the happiest way she's known. She loves Billy. If I have to belong to anyone, I should belong to him. I think that's what she was saying, when she gave me that hug in the middle of the airport, full of sobs and smiles and multiple "goodbye"s. And when she hugged Billy... She didn't want to let him go. For some reason, that picture was so much sweeter than I had expected it to be a few months ago.
Dad was nothing but sincere smiles. No tears. Not that I've ever seen him cry, or ever expect to. Just that smile. Letting me know he's proud of me. Despite everything I've done. And it's not even the "that was a great goal, son"-proud. Not the "you handled that doctor's visit like a man"-proud. It was something a little more like... the "Billy is perfect for you"-proud. The "I want you to get married"-proud. And it feels...really good... Being let go. My dad's never smiled at me like that before. And he hugged me strongly. Which, I think, is another way of letting go. I think he knows I'm ready to start my own family. With Billy. We're strong enough. We're going to have a family together and keep each other safe, and there's no reason Mum and Dad will ever have to worry.
We're ready. I've never been more ready to marry Billy since I asked him that question. And after watching the plane fly off until we couldn't see it anymore, Billy and I walked out of the airport together with our hands entwined between us.
This is our family. Our new family.
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