Letter and Reply 12
Wednesday, October 22nd and Thursday, October 23rd
Letter and Reply 12
Delivered at 2:13 pm, Wednesday, October 22nd.
Dear Billy,
Despite the fact that you say it’s all right that my last letter was late, I’m going to continue to feel very, very apologetic. I’m so sorry. I’m not disappointed that the wait made my last letter more enjoyable, but I’m still sorry that there had to be a wait at all. Don’t argue me on this, I am very stubborn. You deserve ten letters a day.
Did you know that I fall asleep every night thinking of you? My whole body feels comforted, and I know that it’s all because of what has taken place between us, in so short a time. I haven’t been able to pinpoint the kind of bliss and relaxation this is, but know that I never fall asleep to tears or anger. I know that, no matter where I am or what I’ve felt, my heart is with you, and I’m being protected by the gentlest thoughts in the world.
You’ve convinced me, Billy; I won’t send a photo. I’ll just have to reveal myself in person when I’ve decided it’s been entirely too long without your voice or your touch. When I can’t stand to be without the knowledge of your laughter or your hello one moment longer. When it’s finally beyond the breaking point of my patience not to take your face in my hands and place a kiss upon it.
But you didn’t just read that, of course...
I love writing to you. And more than that, I love your writing to me. But I agree that a conversation would be much better. After all, how can I hold you while writing a letter? And further, how could I converse with you without holding you as well?
I wish I could calm your nerves about this relationship we seem to have gotten caught up in. It is very risky, isn’t it? For the both of us, really. We don’t want anything to shatter our hopes; to fall apart. I want to keep you guarded from all of that. I want you to understand that I would never harm you, no matter what the circumstances, and would do anything to keep you safe and at ease. I want you to believe me when I say that, if anything goes wrong – anything – you can come to me and cry in my arms, and I’ll fight it all away.
Don’t worry too much about Dom. He told me himself that he’s enjoying all of this attention. On top of that, I want you to know as much about me as possible. I’m pestering Dom about you all the time, too, you know. We can fill each other in on the rest later. If he tells me something striking, I’ll be sure to ask you about it myself as well.
Speaking of him, I’m not sure Dom is really too set on leaving town himself. He says that he’s become such good friends with you, it would make him miserable to have to give everything up and go home. He seems to have a real attachment to you; like he’s found a friend like he doesn’t suppose he’ll ever have again. I know he’d be camping up in your place, but what if he was to stay? I’d be happy for him, if he came to that decision, but would you want him to keep taking up space around your place? Maybe he could finally get that house of his fixed. Though, I suppose it might be in his best interest just to go back home to his family. They must be worried about him. But I don’t think he’d ever really forget about this place. Based on what he’s said to me, at least, he doesn’t seem to want to let go.
Am I a poet? I didn’t think so. Though, if you’ll say so, I’ll believe every word. I never really thought I was writing anything very poetic. I just write what I think of you, and it all comes out…well…not even nearly to what I feel. I don’t think I could ever put down in words all that I feel for you, Billy. In that sense, I must be somewhat of a failure as a poet. Isn’t it the mark of an accomplished writer to be able to describe emotion in words? I’m afraid I can’t even place the half of it, Billy. You are far too beautiful and far too sweet. You deserve so much more than I can give, but I’ll still give everything. If I must transcribe every word in the English language down onto paper to compose a sonnet for you, I would do it ten times, so you could see only a part of what you mean to me and a fraction of how much you ought to have. Anything, Billy; anything you want from me is yours. I want you to have everything.
I will treasure your heart above all things. I’ll never let it out of my hands. I’ll keep track of every heartbeat and press each one to my lips.
Falling Hopelessly,
MS
Delivered at 4:34 pm, Thursday, October 23nd
Dear MS,
We won't argue about the late letter anymore. The time has been forgotten about, and only the letter itself remains. We will move on.
I dreamt about you last night. In my dream you had a face, a face I recognized, but when I woke up, the image was gone. All I could remember was the way I felt around you. I woke up disappointed you weren't there.
You have calmed my nerves slightly, at least for the time being. I have a feeling that if anything were to turn out as less than we thought it would, I still wouldn't lose you completely. I know, above all else, you are a friend.
Are you sure that Dom's considering staying on? I'd ask him myself, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I think his coming here was what the house really needed to make it a home. If I could say it with tact, I would offer him my home... indefinitely. I like him here. I don't want him out of my life forever.
You are my poet, I know that much. And it doesn't matter other than that. I want your words all to myself, anyway. I want you all to myself.
There to catch you,
Billy
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