My Intentions Have Fallen Out of My Hands
Monday, September 22nd, 2003
My Intentions Have Fallen Out of My Hands
A Dom Entry
I did it.
I can't believe I just did it.
And Mission Two is still in the air as yet.
I got up this morning, showered, dressed, and went to work as usual. But when I got to the office, I came down to unusual business. It didn't take me long to find one of the typewriters in the back of the mailroom. Old and ruddy, the bloody thing. I finally got it working, after only staring and scratching my chin for minutes. Sat down, started typing up the letter. Ink smudges everywhere. My luck I put a big thumbprint right smack in the middle.
I started to write without knowing what I wanted to say. I was waiting for the creative genius to flow. I was afraid of sounding too much like myself. After all, I wanted it to mean something. But all I could think to say was "I love to see you". Which is true. I do love to see him. But how much?
I didn't say how much. I don't really know how much I love to see him. I don't even know how much I actually feel for him.
All the while, this bloody nagging thought kept creeping into my head - that I shouldn't lie to him. Even if I could be Shakespeare for as far as he knows, I shouldn't stretch any of it. He may find me out... in the end, anyway... Then what would I tell him? Had I been writing him? I mean me? Or had I been pretending to be something wonderful for him?
He's probably read it by now.
I was so bloody nervous. I couldn't even stick one folded piece of paper into an envelope. My hands wouldn't quit shaking. I cut my finger on the sealing edge, but it wasn't too bad. No excuse for staying up in the office anyway; keeping myself as far away from his house as possible.
I did end up going to his place. Hell, am I glad he wasn't home. I practically threw the post on his porch and ran off.
I need to lie in bed for a while.
I've never been so tense in my life.
I wonder what he's thinking now.
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