XMG

Reality: O-626-O-7
Unknown Location
Present Day

The waves crashed against the shore as XMG’s eyes fluttered. He had been lying unconscious on his back for over 20 minutes. He opened his eyes, finally realizing that he was awake and alive. The last thing he remembered was fighting Apocalypse and Jack Frost on a bridge with Angel and the alternate version of XMG himself, Rigley. Now he was apparently lying down on a beach, still shirtless and still wearing leather pants, but his shoes were gone.

He leaped to his feet, ready for any attack that may come from any direction. He paused, shaking, looking up and down the beach. XMG relaxed his tense and rippling muscles and sighed; the beach was empty, nothing but sand, sun, and water. Red water. The water that was washing down the shores was a dark crimson. Not just portions of it, like blood in water, but pure blood. Tides of blood rushed in and out of the beach, staining the sand. XMG realized suddenly where he was and broke out into a fierce run, not knowing what he was running from. He remembered now what had happened, Angel and Rigley had become possessed and Angel had killed XMG. XMG was dead. Once again he was back in hell.

He ran off of the beach and through trees. Behind the trees was a village, with small houses made of straw. Tears began to develop in XMG’s eyes as the villagers peered out of their houses at the boy. All of their faces were hideous, they had horns, long beards, scaly skin, all of their faces were hideous because all of them were demon. XMG closed his eyes, and kept on running, not caring where to, not caring what happened, nothing was going to stop him from running. SMACK! He dropped on his back, onto the ground. He had run into something…no not something, somebody.

He opened his eyes and gasped. Standing before him, adjusting his suit was yet another Jaik Bluze. His glasses shined in the sun, creating a glare. “J-Jaik?” He stuttered dreamily.

“Yeah kid?” Jaik answered. His voice was the same one XMG had known so many years ago. The voice of a man XMG had been told was dead.

“Is this hell? …Is this hell Jaik?” Jaik stared back at XMG, expressionless. XMG stared back at Jaik, for what seemed like an eternity. Neither man spoke. Neither man moved. They just stared.

“IVE FOUND ONE!!!!” Jaik suddenly boomed, calling somebody. XMG leaped back up to his feet as he heard stomping from behind him. He spun around to see a large demon, who appeared to be a sort of half-man half-goat. The goat man ran towards XMG, smiling and blowing a fit of low laughter through his nostrils. XMG brought his fist back and struck the goat-demon-man square in his goat-demon-man nose.

“Baaaaa!” The demon fell to his knees, holding his now bleeding nose. “You’ve really asked for it now, LOSER!!” He whined, blood dripping from his nose and onto the floor. Drip drop drip drop. This man was bleeding a little too much for somebody who was only punched in the nose. He was bleeding like a shot man. The blood was doing something that XMG remembered fairly well. His own blood used to do the same thing, what seemed like ages ago. Steam started to rise off of the blood as the blood took shape. The familiar chant of “Rigga Shimma, Rigga Shimma, Rigga Shimma!” started up as many foot tall purple beasts stormed out of the steam and began chucking tiny spears at XMG’s legs. XMG yelped, turned, and ran. He had no idea what was happening here and wasn’t very keen on finding out.

So he ran through the village, passing more huts and glaring demons. He had lost the Rigga Shimmas but not his own sense of loss and dread. Life. After being dead for 4 years XMG had discovered that life was a gift. Every day of being alive was a gift, because when its gone and your burning in hell you can never get it back…unless of course your resurrected by some irritable and cryptic guy with wings, but that barely ever happens. So Angel had brought him back to serve a purpose that he never discovered and now he was dead again. He had gotten life back and lost it. It hurt. It was worst than never being brought back in the first place.

XMG had been running for around 3 minutes when he couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t take the loss and ducked down into a patch of bushes away from public view. He rested his head in his arms and sat. Even if it was for less than a day, being back had changed him forever. He had helped kill the being that had tortured him for 4 hellish years. He had faced off against Apocalypse and Jack once again. He had gone back into what he used to do so well: Kick evil ass. He couldn’t go through this, not again. He couldn’t spend another eternity in hell; he decided that right then and there that he would escape even if he had to take all of hell back with him. Now first off he needed to f—

“You there!” A voice boomed from behind XMG. XMG groaned, he had heard that voice before but hadn’t yet put a face to it. “Identify yourself or pay the dire consequences!” XMG turned around slowly looked up at the tall, muscular, green skinned stranger and groaned.

“Awwww Gokitalo!” He whined. “God, this really is hell isn’t it?!”

“You know my name!? Why is that, strange one!?” Gokitalo jumped. Gokitalo was an off again on again member of The Resistance in XMG’s world. There was something about Gokitalo that always really irked XMG, but he could never put his finger on it. Was it his tendency to appear suddenly in the middle of bad situations like he had no idea where he ever was? Was it his tendency to suddenly go off in the middle of battles attacking anything including teammates? Was it the fact that he was a big ‘ol dork whose hair was always up like that but he had never been seen using the slightest bit of gel? Whatever it was XMG was sure happier when Goki was an off again member of the team.

XMG squinted his eyes and crinkled his nose in annoyance “Get out of here Gokitalo!”

“Wrong! You get out of here!” Gokitalo begun to float off of the ground and glow with yellow energy, he was looking mighty pissed off. “I dwell here and protect this area and all of the comics domain! I and…” Gokitalo suddenly burst into the sky, surrounded by a fireball of yellow energy. XMG stared up in disbelief as Gokitalo suddenly exploded in an amazing blast of multi-colored fireworks. The sparks banded together and formed words. Gokitalo’s voice boomed as XMG read them aloud: “THE FLATULENT HEROES™” Gokitalo suddenly appeared in front of XMG once again, making the blue hero shriek and wave his arms about.

“What the fucks the Flatul…wait…did you say flatulent?” XMG asked

Gokitalo nodded.

“Like poop and shit flatulent?”

Gokitalo nodded.

XMG stared expressionless at the equally stoic Gokitalo. He blinks, sighs, turns, and begins to walk away. “Alright Gokitalo, Ill see you later man. Have fun with your super fart group you fucking weirdo.” XMG hears Gokitalo let out a loud, awkward grunt but doesn’t have enough time to turn around. A blast of energy strikes XMG in the back and sends him flying several feet through the air. XMG yelps and flails his arms around before he lands fast first in a puddle of mud.

XMG feels a boot slam hard on the small of his back, (which was already in horrible pain from the energy blast) and cries out in surprise getting a mouthful of mud for his troubles. “Evil doer, you must never turn your back on a member of the Flatulent Heroes!™” Gokitalo boasts. With a surprising burst of strength that knocks Gokitalo off of XMG’s back and onto his ass, XMG springs himself out of the mud and onto his feet. Gokitalo flips up to his feet only to be hit with a left and right jab combination by XMG. Gokitalo stumbles backwards but quickly regains his balance and hits XMG with a powerful punch to XMG’s jaw, making XMG slide backwards several feet and clutch his jaw in pain. Gokitalo then ducks down on one knee and thrusts his right palm out. A round yellow ball of energy flies towards XMG, hitting him in the chest and knocking him far backwards. XMG hits a tree, chopping the tree down with his body. The tree begins to topple over, as XMG lands hard on the ground behind it. Gokitalo brings his arms back and yells, the yellow fireball of energy surrounds him again and he flies up and catches the tree. With amazing strength he tosses the tree into outer space. Gokitalo loses control of his body suddenly, and begins plummeting back towards the ground, being pulled by an unseen force. XMG is standing there, in direct path of the falling Gokitalo. Gokitalo lands on his feet directly in front of XMG, and tries to lunge at him. He gasps when he discovers that he cannot move at all. XMG smiles and starts swinging wildly, adding tk to his punches to give them extra speed and strength. His punches become too quick to see as Gokitalo’s head is knocked in several directions a second. Finally XMG releases his telekinetic hold and Gokitalo drops to the ground panting, he is bleeding from the mouth and has little tic-tac toe squares on his cheeks.

“You’ve done it now.” He pants. He suddenly jumps backward, landing on one knee he brings his arms back behind his left side and closes his fists together. Yellow energy sparks up all around him, all being sucked into his fists like a vacuum. “KAAAAAAAAAAA…” Gokitalo chants, energy sucking faster into his fists. XMG stares in disbelief, he is shaking and making short moaning sounds. “…MAAAAAAAAYYYYY…” XMG is still standing there, frozen in fear. “…HAAAAAAAAAA…” XMG suddenly shakes his head. What the hell was he doing sitting there like some dumb ass rabbit in some stupid fucking headlights like that? He stormed up to Gokitalo, fists clenched. “….MAAAAAAAAYYYH—OWWWWW!!!!” XMG punched Gokitalo with one powerful punch directly in his nose, busting it open. Then XMG hit him with another swing directly in the jaw, knocking him clean out.

XMG looked down at the unconscious Gokitalo and kicked him once in the side. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that…man that felt good…like all my problems have been lifted from my shoulders. I think this is a new day for me…no, not the end. The beginning. The beginning of a new chapter in my life, err…my…afterlife, WHATEVER! IVE NEVER FELT SO GOOD IN MY L-“ XMG’s monologue was interrupted by a hand clasping over his mouth. The hand was clutching a rag. A rag soaked in something, something that made XMG light headed. It was pretty cool for a second. That is until the unconsciousness.

Scotty 2 Hotty wormed against the floor as XMG’s eyes fluttered. He had been tied to a chair, unconscious for over 20 minutes. XMG opened his eyes finally realizing that he was awake. The last thing he remembered was fighting Gokitalo (AND WHOOPING HIS BITCH ASS!!!) on a trail. Now he was apparently tied to a chair in a dark room. He was still pretty beaten up, still shirtless, still shoeless, still serviceless.

He struggled in his shackles. They were cold and unforgiving. It wasn’t rope, it was chains. They obviously knew whom they were dealing with.

“So…I see you’ve awakened.” A voice said, as the figure dramatically stepped into the light. XMG had no idea who the fuck it was.

“…I’m sorry am I supposed to know you?” XMG asked. He was tall, but not too tall, muscular, but not too muscular, blonde, but not too blonde, it was kind of brown actually. He smiled at XMG through bright perfect teeth, which lit up his face, and big brown eyes, which…looked…at him. He was wearing a brightly colored spandex costume, which made him look kind of…queer? XMG had never seen a demon that looked like this. Something was up. He glared at the stranger. “Who are you?” He growled.

The hero glared up into the sky, staring at something which XMG couldn’t see and doubted was even there. “I’m…” He spun around in a full 360 and when he faced XMG once again his muscles were rippling, almost busting through the bright yellow and green spandex, and his fists were clenched. His face had an odd half grin, half glare, and half creepy distant stare on it. What the hell was he doing? “…The JLAvenger!” He stood frozen for several seconds in silence.

XMG stared. “…wait I’m sorry, I kinda spaced out there for a second. You’re the what?”

The man stood, poised. “The JLAvenger!” he boomed. He sounded as if he were voiced by Adam West.

XMG showed no reaction.

“Of The Flatulent Heroes!™”

XMG blinked. “Oh, so your Gokitalo’s partner in the shit group? How’s that working for you? Your group I mean. Not you’re shit, because I don’t wanna know about your bowel regularity. And not Gokitalo, because well I don’t really give 3 fucks about him.”

JLA slapped XMG across the face with one glove covered hand. “That’s enough of your potty mouth, evildoer.” XMG spit on the ground and stared back up at JLA, glaring. “Now you’re the one who infiltrated our fortress of solitude! You and your partner, whom we have also obtained!”

XMG blinked again. “Partner?”

“Yes! Your partner, your cohort, your colleague, your associate, your spouse…no wait, not spouse…well actually by the looks of you…”

XMG was about to raise his voice when a light in the back of the room suddenly flicked on. Across from XMG, chained to another chair with duct tape covering his mouth was XMG’s old pal Rigley. Blood was covering the right side of his face and he was struggling in his chair, trying to rock his way to freedom.

“Rigley?!” XMG screamed. “What…what happened to his ear?”

“Some of the boys saw Reservoir Dogs last week. But don’t worry they didn’t cut it off…” JLA’s hand shot out to Rigley’s head and he appeared to be grabbing at the space where his ear should be. Rigley screamed and struggled through his taped mouth and shackles. “...its just a bran muffin!” JLA grabbed the bran muffin from Rigley’s head and took a bite into it. XMG stared in pure confusion as the wound on Rigley’s head cleared up and his ear was all…attached again.

JLA grabbed the tape surrounding Rigley’s mouth and gave it a good yank. It came off with a ripping sound, and a yelp from Rigley.

“You pansy ass sparkly footsy wearin piece of crap! Ahll tear you a new asshole as soon as I get outta here, I will!” Rigley screamed as he fidgeted wildly in his chair.

“That’s nice muffin ears! Now its time to dance!” JLA screeched as a disco ball suddenly dropped from the ceiling. JLA busted out with the glow sticks and started waving them around behind his back. All XMG could do was stare in shock, unbelieving that the demons who imprisoned them wore bright costumes, snacked on the bran muffins in people’s heads, and combined disco and techno in a crazy combination which I will call Techco.

Suddenly, just as quickly as it had all appeared the disco ball and the glow sticks vanished and JLA spun around to face XMG. “And now in 10 words or less who are you and what are you doing on this humble island evildoer!?!”

“Who am I?! Who are you!?! What the hell kind of hell is this!?! Where’s the torture? Where’s the hellfire and brimstone?! Where’s Sam Kinison!?!” XMG screamed, his patience had danced its way out of town.

“Flatulent Heroes Roll Call!” JLA boomed. Suddenly the air was full of streaks of lightning and a song, which greatly resembled the original Power Rangers theme. Gokitalo flew through the air blasting blasts of energy in every which way, the blasts peculiarly never hit anything.

The Energy Blasting, High Flying, Green Skinned, Amazingly Annoying Hero! He is this world’s #1 nerdy alien hero! He is Gokitalo!

Jaik flipped through the air, snapping his fingers and dodging bullets.

The Angry, White, Over-Powered, Wolverine! He is the reality warping Jaikbluze! A slim, lanky man dressed in a yellow and blue spandex costume wearing a ridiculous looking mask which had 2 rabbit ears sticking garishly out of top of it, spin kicked through the air. He suddenly turned into a potato and dropped on the floor.

The Meta-Morphing, Oddballing, Potato Transforming into, Not Wedge being Maniac! He is the shape changer NotWedge!

Lastly, the huge goat man leaped into the scene smashing satellites, meteors, giant rocks, and anything else that got into his way.

The Super strong, Super Intelligent, Monster bleeding, Half-Man Half-Goat Warrior! He is the goat genius XMG!

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me! This goat freak is me!?!” The blue XMG hollers. “And that doesn’t look at all like NotWedge! That looks like a tweaked out Easter Bunny!”

Rigley looked even less amused. He was just shacking his head slowly back and forth. “Well this is just…wow...this is just dumb.”

The JLAvenger turned to XMG. His face was serious, locked in that far off stare again. “So…now that you know who we are, evil doer. Tell us….who…are you?”

XMG took a deep breath; he was tired of playing games. The way he saw it, the sooner he told them who he was, the sooner they did whatever they wanted to do with them, and the sooner this would all be over with. This hell was far worse than the last one. At least the last one didn’t have creepy NotWedges leering at you and licking their lips. “My names XMG, just like your goat man. That’s Rigley, he’s XMG too. We came to this hell dimension with another guy…”

“Why do you keep saying that? Hell dimension?” Jaik interrupted.

“W-well Jaik, that’s a good question. Hmmm, I’m gonna have to go with A) Because everybody here looks like a fucking demon!”

“OH!” JLAvenger announced as he hit himself on the head, with his palm. “You must be referring to our island’s annual ‘Everybody Dress Up Like A Fucking Demon To Freak Out Anybody Who May Be Transported Here During A Near Death Experience Day’…well good.”

“Good?” XMG inquired. “What’s ‘Good’?”

“Well this years EDULAFDTFOAWMBTHDANDE Day was a smashing success.” JLA smiled. “So tell me XMG and Rigley, what exactly was your near death experience?”

XMG sighed. These guys were apparently on the side of good. They were good guys. All head splittingly stupid to the point where your forced to seriously consider a murder suicide, but good guys all the same. “Alright…we were tracking Apocalypse and my—“

“APOCALYPSE!?!” The Flatulent Heroes all cried out in unison.

XMG blinked. “Yeah. Apocalypse. You’ve heard of him?”

NotWedge stepped forward, his voice was high and awkward like that of a boy going through puberty. “Heard of him?” He snorts. “He’s only one of the greatest and most feared villains in the entire Marvel Comic Books Universe!”

XMG shook his head quickly, and blinked again. “The Marvel whatta who what what?”

In perfect harmony, the jaws of the flatulent heroes hit the floor. NotWedge passed out in a cartoonish manner.

City Of Atlantis 49 Minutes Ago

“You were ordered to stay out Namor!” King Fen of Atlantis paced back and forth on the platform of his throne. He was a huge mammoth of a fish man. He was in the 7-foot range and was built like a brick wall. He wore nothing but the aquatic green swimming trunks, which were the trademark of the males in his kingdom. A garish golden crown, which looked more like a studded Viking helmet was placed loosely on top of his jet black hair which was only slightly longer than his beard and dragged behind him on the floor. He looked like a shaved bear stuffed into a Speedo, a very angry shaved bear…as I would imagine any shaved bear would be. The bronze statue of him glared straight ahead, as strong and confident as always, much more confident than the true king of Atlantis was now.

“You were ordered to stay out Namor, but yet you continue to show up like this! You put not only your life but also the lives of my people in jeopardy! You have been exiled from The City of Atlantis, Namor but yet you insist on believing that you continue to dwell here!” Fen stomped his foot as he boomed these last words, making a small crack the marble floor below him. He stomped over to his son, whose limp, barely conscious body was being held by the two strongest men in the kingdom. Even near death, Namor was a very dangerous man. He got that from his father. Fem knew that because he damn sure didn’t get it from his mother, the whore, the land dweller. He grabbed his bastard son by his chin and forced him to look directly into the eyes of the king. In Namor’s eyes there was no fear, and not just because he was too beat up to comprehend something like fear but because they’re never was. Namor feared nothing, one of the things that made him so dangerous.

“Are you listening to me boy!?!” Fen took the small knife in his left hand and slowly cut deeply across Namor’s cheek. Namor groaned and squirmed in the guard’s arms. The sound of steel cutting through flesh echoed throughout the angelic marble walls of the mostly empty throne room. The statue beamed.

Namor was wide-awake now. There’s nothing like a sharp blade digging into your mouth to give you that extra jolt needed to start your day. He panted, the guards kept their heads down to hide their shock, the king trembled with fury. “You were a mistake boy. Your outcast now. You’re an outcast just like you’ve been your entire life. Deal with it.”

“And whose fault is that father!?!?!” Namor screamed, at the top of his lungs. Blood rushed to his face, making his pale complexion a lot darker. “Was I the one who had an affair with the land-dweller, father?! Was I the one who insisted on taking the child down to Atlantis to live as an amphibian prince?!”

The king threw an almighty punch at his son, which cracked against his cheek, knocked him right out of the guard’s arms and planted him against the wall. Namor cracked onto the ground, sprawled out and moaning. The king stormed up to him once again and grabbed him by his hair, forcing him to look up at his maker. “You will never speak in that tone to the king again! You were too amphibian to live on the shell with those Land-Dwellers!”

“And now I’m too much of a land dweller aren’t I father?” Namor hissed. “Too much of a land dweller to live with the amphibians?”

Fen grabbed Namor around the throat and tossed him into the air. His limp body flew looked like a crash test dummy as it flew through the air, force and gravity carrying it until they finally crashed it into the door of the throne room. Namor’s body bounced on the cold hard floors as it hit the ground.

“Don’t you call me by that name again! I have no son!” Namor lifted his head slightly to curse at his surrogate father, but couldn’t forge the words. Instead he just coughed, blood spurt from his mouth and dribbled down his chin. “Now get out, boy. Get out and stay out. If ever see you again I will not be quite as generous to your existence.”

Fen lifted his hand to say something else, something like “You were a disappointment” or something of that sort. However his words were cut short by the quaking of the floor, of the very walls of the king’s throne room. “We don’t get earthquakes over here.” Fen announced. No. No they had never had an earthquake before and they weren’t starting now. This was something else. Something from behind him, something coming towards him, something powerful. Fen turned around and looked up at the statue of himself. The statue beamed out directly ahead as always. The wall behind the statue opened up with a boom, sending chunks of marble flying. Suddenly Fen locked eyes with the eyes of his bronze effigy.

BOOM

It was the last thing Fen’s eyes ever locked with besides the bloodied marble floors of his throne room. And that’s only if you count the white fluid mixed with the rest of his crushed body as eyeballs.

Namor’s eyes widened, a lot wider and locked on the eyes of the man standing on top of the statue, which was lying on top of his father’s body. The man was staring at the door, staring straight ahead much like the statue that stood in that same spot a mere second ago. He wore black leather pants, black boots, no shirt, but a nice set of chest armor. The man was tall, incredibly well built, his skin was sort of pale but that’s okay because what he lacked in pigment he more than made up for with that huge fucking sword which seemed to be glowing with black energy. The man also had an impressive saintly set of wings. He smiled as a ghastly red smoke approached in from behind him.

The guards who had been staring in shock finally regained their senses and reached into their waistbands for any weaponry. “No more” The winged man boomed, with a calm voice. His eyes never changed, never left the door but his left changed. It morphed into a long slim silver gun barrel. Flames shot from the gun barrel incinerating the guards where they stood. Their ashes scattered across the area of which they had just been standing.

Namor stared up at Angelpocalypse. He stared him right in the eyes, a wicked shade of bright blue. It was like the eyes were there, but nobody was inside of them. They just stared. If they say that the eyes are windows to the soul, than this man had none. Namor knew that if he wanted to get out of there alive he would have to move. He would have to move fast, much faster than that red smoke which was rocketing towards him.

Flatulent Heroes HQ Present Time

“OH YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!” XMG shouted in protest. In the past couple of minutes XMG, Rigley, and The Flatulent Heroes had gotten everything straightened out. They were all good guys all fighting the good fight. XMG and Rigley did so with The Resistance, a group of super powered mutants who protected the earth from such threats as: The Revnant, Ms. Ivory, Qabari, The Midnight Sons, and The Aggressor. The Flatulent Heroes, who were all supposedly experts on everybody and everything with super powers had never heard of any of these people, much less The Resistance. XMG had a problem with this.

“So…so The X-Men have a ‘comic book’ correct?” XMG asked again.

The Flatulent Heroes nod in unison.

“And The Fantastic Four who are all fantastically dead where I come from?”

The Flatulent Heroes nod in unison.

“The Hulk?”

Nod.

“Avengers?”

Nod.

“The motherfucking Sentry?”

Nod.

XMG let out a slight snort of anger and begun pacing again. Rigley chuckled lightly and continued eating his tuna fish sandwich. He was getting a kick out of this. “And you’ve never heard of The Resistance?” XMG asked, still holding onto a cling of hope that one of them might say yes.

They all shook their heads no.

XMG put his hands on his hips. “You’ve never heard of Sabre?”

They shook their heads.

“NotWedge?”

“I’m NotWedge!” NotWedge announced triumphantly in his highly high and highly annoying voice.

“Shut up NotWedge!” XMG yelled. NotWedge hung his head in shame. “Sister Perpetua?”

They shook their heads.

“Tokay?”

They shook their heads no.

“Beast Simp-“

“BEAST!” they all yelled in unison. XMG nearly fell on his ass. “You’ve….you’ve heard of Beast?”

The goat XMG stepped forward. “Oh yes. Dr. Beast McCoy is a cult favorite among comic’s fans. His bouncy personality, genius IQ, and blue fur make him one of the most beloved characters in comic’s history, as well as my idol. Baaaaa” XMG smiled and stepped back.

Blue XMG blinked. He was silent. He took a deep breath and made and made an attempt at rationalizing this. “So…The Resistance…we’ve killed Apocalypse, we’ve saved the world from Qabari, we’ve saved Paris from a bunch of giant fucking bugs, we’ve saved the mutant race from a super-sentinel, and THE ONLY ONE OF US YOU’VE HEARD OF IS MOTHERFUCKING BEAST, MOTHERFUCKING SIMPSON!?!”

“Well actually X, they said he was Dr. Beast Simpson.” Rigley smiled, taking another bite of his tuna fish sandwich.

XMG spun around. “You know your really not helping. And while were on the subject of you not doing things, lets talk about you not being possessed anymore!”

Rigley swallowed the last piece of tuna fish. “No. Lets talk about you licking my…”

Rigley’s was cut off before he could say “nuts” or anything closely resembling it by a bright blue light, which lit up The Korova Milkbar. The Heroes all shield their eyes.

“Jeezus who ordered the bright muthafuckin’ light!?” Rigley shouted.

“We did.” Neo said as the light disappeared. Standing there with an arsenal huge enough to choke a horse were The Midnight Sons: Neo; blue energy shining brighter than usual, Justin; wielding that same axe that he used hours ago to murder Rigley’s cousin, Gene; fists clenched, smiling, loaded to the teeth with weaponry as always, Rip-Off; Looking much more heterolimbful than the last time we saw him, Deacon Frost; A huge invulnerable man with long black hair pulled back in a ponytail, and Jose Carne F De Cañón : a new recruit who wasn’t very tall, was very Spanish, and wasn’t very polite looking.

The Flatulent Heroes just stared not knowing who the hell these people were. XMG and Rigley did however, and they both did the only thing they could think of. “Shiiiiit.” They said in unison.

Jose lifted up his right hand and pointed it towards the group of heroes. His hand started to glow with yellow energy.

“Scatter!” XMG screamed. The heroes scattered just in time to avoid the blast, which struck where they were standing and made a small crater. Rigley and Gokitalo fired back with blasts of energy. Rip-Off growled and lunged towards the group. Jaik snapped his fingers and materialized an axe to combat that of Justin, unaware that Justin had killed him hours ago. Neo and XMG leaped at each other. Neo went for a spinning kick but XMG ducked. While crouching, XMG went to tackle Neo but Neo caught XMG when he rammed into him and shot 2 tentacles, which looked like blue electric cables from Neo’s stomach into XMG’s.

XMG’s mouth widened as he looked up at Neo. The big blue Neo ceased to be Neo and commenced being big blue Apocalypse. XMG’s father smiled back at his only son. A smile on Apocalypse’s lips was never ever a good thing, and that proved to be true this time as well. Behind Apocalypse a wall burst down, sending tons of concrete rolling to the ground. Hordes of demons flocked into the room through the hole in the wall. Demons with horns, demons with long tails, demons with pitchforks, demons with sharp nails, red demons, green demons, bloody demons, mean demons, all kinds of demons you could imagine. All staring at XMG, all growling at him, all ready to torture him. Apocalypse cackled as XMG closed his eyes, a long, deep, wicked cackle.

XMG’s eyes opened wide as the knife slowly began to puncture his skin. Neo was on top of him, slowly forcing a knife into his chest. XMG gasped. “Apocalypse!” Neo froze. XMG panted. “Apocalypse is back, Neo. Apocalypse is back.”

Neo stared straight into the eyes of his target. All of the hatred for XMG had disappeared long ago, now he was only following orders. But some occasions called for the orders to be altered, and if Apocalypse was back this was one of those times.

“Apocalypse?” He mused. “No. No. No you’re lying. Apocalypse is dead.” He didn’t want to believe it. “

So was I Neo.” XMG said as he rubbed his chest. “So was I.”

“OH YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!” Jose shouted in protest. In the past couple of minutes XMG, Rigley, The Flatulent Heroes, and The Midnight Sons had gotten everything straightened out and were now assembled in The Flatulent Heroes’s ballroom like dining room . The Midnight Sons were still assigned to kill XMG and Rigley and while they were there they figured they would kill goat XMG as well. However Neo knew all too well the threat that Apocalypse posed to this and any world of which he dwelled, so as field leader he had called a temporary truce between the sides, at least until Apocalypse had been dealt with. His troops needless to say were not happy over that.

“Dis piece of scum essecuted my family right in front of me and you are asking me to work with him? No way esse.” Jose’s eyes watered as he crossed his arms in objection and turned away.

“I’m not asking you, Jose. I’m ordering you.” Neo commanded. The rest of his troops were silent.

Neo turned back to XMG, who was staring straight ahead dead serious. “Do you have any idea of how to locate Apocalypse?” He asked.

“No.” XMG shook his head, still staring off into the distance. “Rigley what do you remember from when you woke up?”

Rigley crossed his eyes, thinking, “Woke up on the beach...these guys attacked me…that’s about it…”

“Well then he must be near the beach! Assemble Flatulent Heroes he couldn’t have gone far!” JLA declared pointing a finger in air.

XMG rolled his eyes. “Oh of course he couldn’t have gone far. I mean we’ve only been here for what, an hour and a half? And he’s only an all-powerful High Lord currently possessing a body of an extremely powerful man with wings. No, no they couldn’t have gotten far at all.”

CRASH

Glass shattered, everybody turned towards the windows on the right side. A pale skinned man wearing green swimming trunks leaps through the broken window, looking mighty angry. He had a large purple bruise on his chest and his face was covered in dried blood, the same blood that was caked throughout his wild hair. This was a man who wasn’t having a very good day.

“Namor.” Jaikbluze said as if it was a punishment. Namor stalked towards them, dragging his left leg. “Your not welcome here Namor, and frankly we have no time for this at the moment so get out before your tossed out.”

Namor reached behind himself and pulled his father’s knife, still covered in his own blood from the back of his swimming trunks. “You started this, all of it. Now I am exiled from my home, a home that is now destroyed. If you dims had never existed I could have prepared them. I could have prepared them for that winged beast…” Namor collapsed to his knees, shaking. “…that savage”

Everyone was silent; realizing whom Namor was talking about even though most of them didn’t know whom Namor was.

Rigley was the first to open his mouth. He stepped forward and asked, “You know where he is?”

Namor unexpectedly bounded to his feet. He made slashed quickly at Rigley, trying to cut down his face. Rigley grabbed Namor’s hand and squeezed hard making him drop the knife. Namor purposely toppled over onto his other hand so that it balanced him up, in a half cartwheel like fashion he kicked Rigley in the face. Rigley let go of Namor’s hand and held his nose. As Namor snatched the knife from the ground and the others began to rush forward to subdue him, Rigley shook off the kick to the face and thrust his fists forward like he was double punching air. He shot a mildly powerful blast of energy at Namor, which hit him in the chest and sent him flying through the air for maybe the 5th time that day. He crashed through a striking wooden dining table with a crunch.

Gene stormed up to him with crossbow in hand. Namor was beaten, bloodied, bruised, battered, broken. He was panting and staring up at Gene blankly through his grayish-blue eyes. His eyes still had the fury that was still thriving through his soul, but his body had given up the fight.

“Where is Apocalypse?” Gene demanded

“You will get no information from me.” Namor croaked.

XMG stormed over and grabbed XMG by his hair, which was hard and sticky from the blood. “WHERE IS HE!?!?!”

Namor let go a deep cry, “I have no idea of whom you’re talking about!”

“Bullshit!” XMG yelled. His voice was full of emotion. It was full of rage, quite possibly the most powerful emotion imaginable. “I think you’re lying! Now tell us where the winged bastard is or else the next time you want that knife you’ll have to pick it up with your mouth…because I’ll have broken your hands...”

“The winged beast.” Namor croaked. “What do you want with him?”

“The same thing as you I’d imagine. We want to kill him.”

“You wont stand a chance”

XMG pulled harder on his hair. “I think we’ll manage.” He said.

Namor groaned. “He took me on and lived. The men who have done that I can count on one hand.”

“Is that with or without every single person in this room?”

“Our battle is not yet over, surface dweller.”

“Well then after we kill Apocalypse you and I can have a go and you can try and kill me. Your gonna have to wait in line though, half the people in this room are ahead of you.”

Namor swallowed. “Apocalypse…the one you speak of has slaughtered my kingdom. If anyone will have his blood it will be I.”

“Hey!” The goat XMG yelled. XMG turned his head, to face him. “Namor is from The Kingdom Of Atlantis. It’s a mile out into the sea and then a mile down from a certain point in the island. If he went to Atlantis and he isn’t on the island than there is only one other place he could be.”

XMG dropped Namor who fell back onto the broken table. “Can you take us there?” he asked.

“No!” a voice from across the room shouted. “But I can!”

Only half of the people recognized the man, yet everybody screamed his name. “FORMER WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT AND TAG TEAM CHAMPION SCOTTY 2 HOTTY!?!?!” “That’s right my lil homiez! Never fear, Scotty 2 Hotty is here! I hear you dawgz is havin trouble wit’ yo transportations! Well I’ve got da perfect solution B-Boyyyyyz! But be careful, it may be a little SLIMY!”

The bleached blonde white rapping wrestler then proceeded to do his trademark move “The Worm”

He hopped 4 times on his right foot in a circle. “W-O-R-M!” the crowd shouted.

Then Scotty dropped down and wormed against the floor. The crowd made crazy fish noises.

Scotty then leaped back up to his feet, and instead of finishing his trademark maneuver with a chop like he usually does he pointed into the sky and shouted, “I choose you Wormymon!”

A mighty roar was heard in the distance. Everybody turned towards the door, as something big approached. No. Make that something huge. Neo and Gene slowly started to walk towards the door followed by the rest, (except Namor who was still lying, half unconscious on the broken table.) Neo opened the door and was not amused. Out in front of the door was a worm 6 stories tall. It was green and was dressed similar to Scotty. It had a black and white striped vest, dark sunglasses, and an upside down visor which enabled his bleached blonde hair to stick out through it just like Scotty’s.

“Thanks Scotty.” Gokitalo said and flew up onto the Worm’s slimy back. He was followed by Scotty and then by the rest of the Flatulent Heroes.

XMG, Rigley, and The Midnight Sons just stared in silence.

“Okay das it. Its bad enough I have to work with the motherfucker that killed my family, but I’m not getting on the back of any damn worm.” Jose said, crossing his arms.

Rigley looked up at it and blinked. “Well ah for one like it.” He pushed his way through the crowd of Midnight Sons and patted Jose on the shoulder. “And look on the bright side. Maybe if you’re nice to ‘em the little guy wigger will let you put em in yer tequila. Somebody help me up.”

XMG used his tk to float Rigley up onto the worm’s back. He shook his head and mumbled to himself, “I’m tracking down and murdering my dad and my evil twin on the back of a giant worm with 13 other guys…half of which wanna kill me…my life is different than most.” He shook his head.

Turns out that Jack Frost and Angelpocalypse weren’t as hard to find as the party thought they would be. All you had to do was follow the path of destruction. And the path led them straight to the Hoover Dam. Turns out that this wacky world’s version of the United States had no California, Oregon, or Washington and the Pacific Ocean flowed right up into the Hoover Dam. The area had already been evacuated minutes before The Worm arrived. Anybody who already wasn’t in their cars driving the hell out of town had been killed trying to defend the dam against the winged man and that cloud of red smoke.

The worm rushed through the water like a 6 story, 5-ton Jet Ski. The unlikely heroes could see Angelpocalypse hovering over the Dam flapping his wings, surrounded by the red smoke, which was Jack Frost. They had known that they would be arriving shortly and had been waiting. Their stomachs turned.

“What’s the plan!?” Neo asked XMG, speaking louder to compensate for the sound of the water slapping against the front of the worm.

“Protect the dam! Don’t die!” XMG answered.

“That’s all you have?!”

“Hey you’re the leader type, not me!” XMG said as he looked into the eyes of his father, who was floating nearly 700 feet above him. “Alright I’m taking you all up! Brace yourselves!”

XMG concentrated and in no time all of the inhabitants of the worm were racing through the air. They landed on the flat area of the dam, over looking the water. They stood, some nervous, some excited, some terrified, one horny. Angelpocalypse stared down at them in silence.

XMG stepped forward, “I gotta hand it to you dad! At least you’re consistent! I mean you always had a thing for monuments!”

“I’ve been waiting for you son and I must say I am fairly disappointed with you! It’s a shame it has to end this way! I gave you chance after chance after chance to fulfill your destiny and this is the way you turn out!”

“Funny…I don’t believe in destiny!”

Angelpocalypse shook his head. “Just another way in which you differ from I, your awe-inspiring father! I cannot believe that my only son turned out this way!”

“Yeah about that…you’ve been alive for how long and I’m the only kid you’ve ever had?! What did the rubber break or did you just not get laid very often!?”

Angelpocalypse just stared.

“Yeah just what I thought! I mean who would do it with your ape looking ass?!”

“Yo mama!” Poccy boomed and chuckled. He suddenly jolted in the air and screamed. “Kill me!” Angel screamed, taking back his body for only a second.

“What’s happening?” XMG asked his company on the ground.

The goat XMG stepped forward. “Well if I’m not mistaken Apocalypse is taking control of that body. You see, possession is meant to be a temporary thing. You can only be in possession of somebody’s body for so long until you get stuck in it permanently. But right before it happens, the hostee will come forth in bursts, trying to regain his body, usually to no avail. It would appear that this is happening now”

“Oh.” XMG said. “ATTACK!”

Jaik snapped his fingers, anybody who wasn’t already doing so or who had the power to fire anything was suddenly holding powerful laser cannons. They aimed their cannons up at Angelpocalypse and fired. Then Gokitalo and Rigley shot their energy blasts, multi colored blasts of energy filled the sky in front of them covering the area where Angelpocalypse was floating with the beautiful symphony of color and energy. Suddenly a red blast shot downwards from the sky hitting Gokitalo in the chest.

“AHHHHH!!!!” Gokitalo screamed and dropped to his knees. NotWedge and Rigley stopped firing and looked down at him. Gokitalo glared back up at Rigley, his pupils glowing red. Rigley pointed his fists at Gokitalo and fired, but it was too late Gokitalo had floated upwards.

“Hit the deck!” XMG screamed and the party ran for cover as the possessed Gokitalo buried the area in blasts of energy. Concrete was hurled through the air as Gokitalo made craters in the surface of the Hoover Dam. Angelpocalypse cackled in the distance.

“Baaaaaaa! If he keeps this up for much longer the entire dam will go to hell along with us!” Goat XMG screamed.

“Yeeeeah homeboy we gots ta do somethin’!” Scotty 2 Hotty agreed.

XMG erected a force field over the area. “Alright this should hold for a couple of seconds! Neo use your power tentacle things on em when I drop this! That should fuck up his powers for long enough for us to come back with something!”

Neo pushed a chunk of concrete off of his hip and stood up. “I thought you weren’t the leader type.”

XMG’s force field broke down from the pressure of the blasts and Neo shot a long blue tentacle from his chest, which struck Gokitalo in his. Neo’s tentacles had the ability to turn your own powers against you. If you had the ability to shoot lightning, lightning would surge though your own body if you were a telepath you would have a telepathic panic attack. It didn’t matter if you were immune to it, it would still harm you. Gokitalo’s chest burst into flames as lightning surged through his body and blasts of energy exploded on his body. Jack screamed and fired a lightning bolt that broke the tentacle.

“FUUUUCK YOOOOU!!!!” Jack/Gokitalo screamed and fired a long burst of fire downwards at the party. The blast hit Jose who was standing next to XMG. Jose burst into flames, screaming bloody murder. Jose turned to XMG, who he could barely make out due to the melting of his eyeballs and saw XMG staring back at him through his light brown, uncaring eyes, the same eyes of the one who had killed his family over a year ago. If Jose’s life was ending now, then his would the last thing he would ever see were the closing of those eyes.

XMG leaped towards Jose, looking to spread the fire. XMG stepped out of the way and Jose jumped over the side of the dam. He screamed for about 5 seconds before his vocal cords burnt up and he died. XMG shrugged.

“NO!” Gene yelled from his spot, standing in a crater with Justin firing a laser cannon. He dropped his cannon and made a dash towards XMG, wanting to push him over the side. Neo stepped in front of Gene and struck him in the chest with an open palm, knocking Gene to the ground. Another chunk of the dam crumbled away under the stress of a blast.

“Stand your post, Gene!” Neo ordered.

“Our numbers are the only ones who have suffered casualties! And he allowed it to happen, he is the one we were sent here to kill! Not Apocalypse!”

“You may have been alive for over half a century Gene but you are still young and foolish. If Apocalypse is successful today then this reality will die. There is no way around it. Man your post.”

Gene glared at Neo, through light brown uncaring eyes. “You sicken me.” He said.

The Goat XMG fired off a successful shot with his laser cannon. It struck Gokitalo in the chest and sent him plummeting back down to the concrete surface of the dam. He landed with a boom, making a crack in the surface. Jack Frost’s soul zoomed out of the body and downwards towards the water.

The Goat XMG rushed over to his injured semi-friend. “Baaaaa baaaaa are you okay man baaaaaa?”

“He will live.” Growled a voice from behind him.

“Baaaa?” The Goat XMG turned around and was greeted face to face with the face of evil. Angelpocalypse smiled. Goat XMG’s hands shook tremendously as he lifted up his laser cannon to fire. Angelpocalypse lifted his right hand up behind his head. It began to stretch like rubber, growing to the size of a large pizza box. He brought his hand forward in a backhand maneuver that slapped the Goat XMG right off of the Dam and right into the sky.

“I am the first born!” Angelpocalypse screamed. The defense turned towards him with their guns raised. Angelpocalypse raised his hands in the air and the guns were flung from their arms by an invisible force and tossed high into the air. He smiled. “This body, its pleasing to me. The power that it holds, the power that surges through this sword is amazing.” Jack Frost’s soul rose up from below and swan circles around his father. “I can control the actions and souls of others with it. Black energy, dark energy, it all can be controlled with this. All of I—“ Angel’s arm suddenly shot out, thrusting the sword into the smoke. The smoke vanished instantly. A look of shock and horror crossed Angel’s face.

“You fool!” He screamed and hit himself in the face. “Your time has passed! This is my b—AWWWW KILL HIM!!!” The defense rushed forward. “HALT!!!” Angelpocalypse screamed. An invisible burst of power sent them all scattering about the dam. Gokitalo’s body conveniently flew over the side. “You will not have control of this body!” Angelpocalypse pointed towards the defense with one quivering hand. “And you will not stop The High Lord Apocalypse!”

The FrostBlade begun to glow a sinister pitch black. It was warming up for a final strike. And as was the fashion, the final blow was stopped by a surprise appearance. This time by Namor who leaped over from the side of the dam, soaked with water, and grabbed Angelpocalypse from behind and used his late father’s knife to slowly slit his throat. Angel let out a chocked gasp and a look of shock and pain crossed his face.

“For my people” Namor growled as he hopped onto Angelpocalypse’s back. Angelpocalypse smiled as the blood, which was now gushing from his throat begun making a small puddle at his feet. XMG and Rigley looked at each other and nodded. Simultaneously they rushed Angelpocalypse to knock him over the side. Angel’s arms shot out and grabbed both XMG and Rigley by their throats as soon as they got within throat grabbing distance. At the same time Namor pulled backwards on Angelpocalypse, toppling him over the side and sending himself, XMG, and Rigley with him.

XMG, Rigley, and Angel screamed as they plummeted towards the waters below. Angel was so weak he couldn’t flap his wings. He was dominant over Apocalypse at the moment but he could feel that he had little time left. In a few short seconds Apocalypse would retake this body, dump XMG, Namor, and Rigley, flap his wings to right himself, and then continue killing.

Angel glanced at XMG, who was flapping his arms wildly in panic. He was in the middle of one of those hellish flashbacks again. For somebody who was dead a little over 24 hours ago, he could sure handle himself. He had led the others into battle well. He was going to be a great leader one day, just like the prophecies said. He was going to be a great leader some day whither Apocalypse liked it or not. A

ngel thought of Maia. He thought of their doomed relationship. He wondered how she would react to the news. No. No he couldn’t think of that anymore. It hurt too much, hurt more than his throat, which was threatening to push him into a comatose state, as he continued to drop towards the Pacific. He needed to think of the good times. Their first meeting. Their adventures in endless numbers of dimensions. The evenings they spent together. The mornings they spent afterwards. God, he loved her so much. But they must all be willing to lay down their lives for the cause.

XMG gasped and collapsed to his knees. What was he kneeling on? There was no substance here. He looked around. There was no substance anywhere. All around him, there was only white. No air, no walls, no sky, just an empty white. Did he die? Was this heaven?

“This is not heaven.” Angel said. “You won’t be seeing that place any time soon.”

XMG jumped and looked up. The brooding Angel stood in front of him, dressed in a white suit. His hair was blonde was again and pulled back into a ponytail. He was not injured, he was not bleeding, and he had no wings.

“Where are we?” XMG asked, confused beyond belief.

“A place in your mind. I used the FrostBlade to get in. That’s not important.”

“Then what is?”

“The prophecies.” He swallowed, for nearly the last time. “The prophecies of The One….Long ago, during the creation of reality there existed a being, The Destroyer. He was just as powerful as The Creator, the one who created reality…”

“Hence the name.”

Angel nodded. “Hence the name. The Creator, The Destroyer, and the two other infinite beings, The Seer and The Lover, existed on a plane of existence higher than all others. They had no form, they had no possessions, they just were. This was until the day the day The Destroyer went into reality, and acquired form. He wanted to soothe his appetite for destruction by destroying all of reality. A horrible war sparked up, lasting 100 years. Trillions upon trillions lost their lives. Lives crumbled, realities were destroyed. In the end The Destroyer was captured and sent back into the higher form of existence to live for all of eternity. Or so they thought. After returning The Destroyer created hell and placed himself there. Being the one thing he was never meant to do, creating weakened The Destroyer greatly. So great in fact that he would not be able to return to reality for billions of years. This is where you come in boy. The Seer saw that the war that will be started upon The Destroyer’s return will be the one to end reality. That is, without the leadership of one man.”

XMG blinked, finally understanding why he was brought back. “Me.”

“You. You are prophesized as ‘The One’. The one being in every reality who can lead the side of good to victory in the next great war.”

“Oh.”

“You will meet Maia one day. When you do….tell her that I found the faith…and that I love her.”

“I will…wait who the f--”

XMG blinked. The flashing lights were almost too much. He could still hear the screaming of Rigley and Namor. He didn’t know what was happening, where he was, or why he was there. All he knew was that they weren’t falling from the Hoover dam anymore yet they were still falling. Multi colored lights flashed all around them. To his right Rigley was screaming, frightened. Namor was holding onto the back of Angelpocalypse for dear life. Angelpocalypse stared back at his son, laughing in his trademark cackle. The sword he was holding was glowing a gothically beautiful black. The sword was doing this, somehow XMG knew that. XMG stared deep into the bottomless blue eyes of Angelpocalypse, the being that wanted to do nothing but destroy. XMG wanted nothing more than to rip those eyes from his sockets.

But then he saw them change. They abruptly looked shocked, then saddened, then satisfied. He stopped laughing. His face was no calm. Peaceful. He looked up at XMG one last time.

“Tell her.” He lipped.

Angel thrust The FrostBlade through his own stomach, stopping the dimensional pull. In his mind was the fleeting image of lost love.

XMG blinked. He needed a shirt, he had gone too long without one and now the dry leaves were itching his back. Rigley stood over him not staring at him, but staring at something straight ahead. XMG blinked and forced himself into a sitting position. They were in a wooded area, him, Rigley, and the pale guy who had slit Apocalypse’s throat.

XMG shook his head, closing his eyes tight. Angel was lying there, the base of his blade lodged into his stomach. The sharper points of it were hidden by the leaves. Angel was dead. Apocalypse was dead. Angelpocalypse was dead. Angel had killed them all. He had killed them for the cause, for “The One.”

But none of that mattered to the 3 lost young men at this moment considering that once again they didn’t know where the fuck they were.