THE OLSEN TWIN THEORY
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Main Theory Evidence Allies Enemies U.N.A.

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The sketch of a criminal...

BREAKING NEWS:
In a recent police search, Mary Kate Olsen was found with not only with a dildo, but she also nearly killed a paparazi attempting to follow her into her hotel room. The paparazi's name was revealed to be Hector Gonzolez II. "I was just trying to take a picture of her nude" Gonzolez cried, "when the next thing I know, she pulls out a pistol, and after she pistol whipped me approxamately 532 times, I tried to run away. But as I was running she shot me in my back. I have a family, and now I am paralyzed from the neck down. No more camera for Hector!" Officers reported to the scene of the crime where Mary Kate was caught with a dildo in her purse. She apparently also threatened an officer for a hefty law-suit if he did not leave. After further investigation it is reported that she then threatened his life. "I was just doing my job, when all of the sudden it became apparent that the real Mary Kate was not the same as she seems to be on TV." Mary Kate's response to all of this was nothing but pure rage. "First of all I will not do Playboy, and thats what this paparazi was trying to insist on me doing. I am a closet whore, not an open one! I had no other choice then to shoot him after he politely asked me to pose nude." We then questioned her about disrespecting authority, "I will disrespect whoever I want, where their is money, their is power, and I am worth billions!" When our reporter asked why she would never do Playboy, Mary Kate ran inside her hotel room and locked the door. She has yet to be seen since.