Remember

Do you remember that look in her eyes? The constant glistening of life? The shimmer of happiness bursting forth from the dark recesses of her iris? No, you probably wouldn’t recall such a thing. You probably don’t remember her name, or her face. Funny how someone so kind, so loving, so alive could be so easily forgotten. But I guess you’ve been through so many, their memories begin to run together.

She was different. I know you had to have realized this. When she caught your eye, her loving aura drew you toward her. It’s what drew us all into her world. Remember that smile, so natural and honest? I close my eyes and that’s how I wish to remember her.

* * * * *

Her eyes glaze over, lost again in thought. I see the tears well up again in her eyes. I ache to relieve her pain, but I know nothing I do can fix things. I lower my eyes, not wanting to see the pain tear across her face. We sit in silence, sitting here for hours. I wonder if the quiet doesn’t make the pain worse, but I can’t fine my voice to fill the void.

The sobbing starts again. Her face collapsed into her hands and her cries echo unforgiving in my head. I cover my ears, running out screaming.

* * * * *

Have you ever looked to a certain star in the sky and grown so fond of it? And every night you find yourself looking up searching for that particular star, and you become so dependent on that star that you never notice the other ten billion stars inhabiting the very same sky. And have you ever looked up to that star in a time of great need, only to find it has burned out and died?

* * * * *

She sits there by herself, staring at your picture. Memories replaying in her mind like a bad drama with a terrible ending. I lean forward and whisper in her ear. I tell her you’re not worth her tears, but she never hears me. She never sees me.

* * * * *

You’re laughing…. Drinking…. Flirting…. Living…. The thought of her never crosses your mind; her name never passes your lips. I bite my lip, clench my fists to my side. My anger builds. My hatred grows. Your smile enrages me.

Why should you be so happy? Why should you laugh as she cries? How can you live with yourself? I fall to my knees, but you don’t see. I look to the sky and scream your name. The rain pours down upon me as her tears stream down her cheeks. I collapse upon the cold grave stone in a fit of rage.

* * * * *

She sees you. You know she’s there. You know the torment she suffers, but you do nothing to relieve her.

I stand beside you. I see the way she looks at you. I see the smiles she gives you. I see the way she lights up whenever you acknowledge her existence. I see the games you’re playing. I see your motives plain as day.

I try to warn her. I cry out to her. I beg her to listen. I tell her you’re poison. I shake her I try to make her see you’ll only hurt her. But she continues smiling at you. Never affected my unrelenting ranting.

I tear at my hair, drowning in tear of hopelessness.

* * * * *

The room is dark. I peer in through a window. There she is, lying naked on your bed. “NO!” I scream, “NO!”

You’re on her, kissing her neck, telling her you want her, asking her to let you in.

I scream louder, banging my bare fists against your window. The storm around me growing more angry, but neither of you notice.

Her eyes sparkle; your bodies mold together, flesh on flesh. Bodies intertwined, her eyes clench shut as a blood curdling scream erupts from her lips. The glass shatters, exploding outward.

* * * * *

I see her, in the kitchen, home alone. No one will be home for hours. Her eyes glazed over, lips pursed in a permanent frown. Sadness encumbering her features, swallowing her completely.

She turns to me, her eyes empty and cold. She stares into my eyes, then drops her gaze to my hands. I slowly follow her gaze. My eyes widen.

A glass drops shattering on contact with the ground. A single bloody shard amongst the pieces. Her body crumbles to the ground.

I throw my head back, letting out a howl of anger and pain, and you look up to see her… to see me.. and the blood dripping from our wrists, the bloody tears we cry… and the echo of us screaming loud your name rings forever in your ears.

* * * * *

I watch you wake up, dress, socialize… Everything the same as always. She’s just a forgotten memory to you. Just another dream. But for one brief moment, you saw me… for one brief second, you remembered…

09-09-03 To 09-10-03