Bad Guy Spotlight
Hades
(Disney)
Cobra Commander: So Hades, how're you finding the bad guy
gig?
Hades: What can I say? It's grey - a rotten peace.
Of course the 'good guys' get more dough, but hey, controlling Olympus or
in your case the world it's in our nature, know what I mean?
CC: Sure do. Don't blame you. I was listening to the ending of the
movie by the way. Nice speech. Rotten
deal you got there.
Hades:
Well it was fun doin' the film anyway, and hey
what can I say I got my big break. They
even asked me to do a series. Even in
Wonder Boy got more fan mail. Stuff h
im and his little NutMeg. And I did try to help the brat - and what thanks do I
get? Sweet fornicate all. For full details read my book Hades, the
Truth At Last. And you can get my number A Tale of Hades. Nicely transcribed from ancient Greek. Hercules ended up dumping Megara on
Eolis. Me I'd go for Xena if she wasn't
such a bitch. I mean it took me ages
to get my hair right again after what she did with the damned whiskey. Hoo boy!
And it's not like I didn't get any fan mail. I got a letter from a girl called Tanya who thinks I'm cute sexy,
got a sexy voice and the greatest.
Right you are sweet cheeks! And
Suz also thinks I'm great! They just
love it when I spontaneously combust, by my own accord! (Hey that's make a
great action figure) Hear that, Herc? I got me some decent girls. Ya owe me 50 drachma. I can hear him poopin' himself. Ye Gods he's a loser!
CC: Sounds like
it. I got a letter from Tanya as well
and a babe called Screamer - cool gals!
Okay back to questions. What's
your best pick up line?
Hades: That's easy - "Names' Hades, Lord of
the Dead. Hi, howya doin'?" oh and
Add "Nice dress" for the ladies. Works wonders!
CC: I'll
bet. What would you consider your most attractive feature?
Hades: Ohh that's a toughie. I'm mega fussy about my
hair. Must be alight at all times. Bald, hey it's juts not me. And my skin is a
lovely shade of grey don't'cha think?
Well hey the whole package is great.
You're not so bad yourself, CC.
CC: Thanks. Same to you, Hade. What are your favourite foods?"
Hades: Worms, Spick
Moussaka, that really creamy Greek style plain yogurt and of course feta cheese.
CC: Greek salad too no
doubt. What's your fave colour?
Hades:
All shades of grey and of course black and
blue.
CC: What's
it like working with Pain and Panic?
Hades: The usual pathetic minions, but hey, they
grew on me like that cool grey fungus stuff.
They loved working on the film, except the part where I lost my cool and
torched everything in sight. .. They're kinda cute especially when they
grovel. I love that. (Laughs).
CC: So what's your next move?
Hades: Don't think I'm gonna stay under forever. The planets'll align again and I'll have my
shot and it that doesn’t work, well hey, I'll main my agent - someone's gotta
pay. Perhaps I'll help put some other
bad dudes. I've had offers from Dr Klaw The Negaverse, The Decepticons, the
list goes on, Like hey, I'm a busy guy.
CC: I can see that. Are
you by any chance interested in joining Cobra?
Hades: Love to, but
can't, but hey if I can fit it into my busy schedule I'll give you a call.
CC: Be sure to drop in unawares.
Hades: Hey,
wouldn't do it any other way. Style -
that's me Oo. Gotta go. I
promised Pain and Panic I wouldn't miss their birthday., Hey, I'm a bastard, but at heart I'm a
softie too. (Smiles, then disappears in a cloud of grey smoke)
CC: Wow! What a guy!
What an interview!
Names
Hades, Babe. Lord of the Underworld
Pain
& Panic
