Abortion: Abortion kills babies. You should refrain from having one because you'll feel bad and stuff and I'll call you a moron. You don't want me to call you a moron, do you?

AIDs: AIDs is a crappy disease. I have a plan to end it: Nobody do anything stupid and it will go away. This ain't the common cold people, this is a disease spread through ignorant and dangerous behavior.

Environment: Pollution sucks. I don't want to gamble the planet away. Capitalism and Environmentalism can work together to create profit. We should do it so I can eat fish again (No, that isn't a perverse statement, sick-o.)

Immigration: Immigrants just want to work. None-the-less we have to control who comes in and out of borders. There are plenty of people in America who collect welfare checks and don't work. We should send them to Mexico and ship hard working Mexicans here and make them pay our taxes.

Feminism: Feminists hate men but are addicted to sex. I never understood this. If you meet one in a bar you should leave immediately. If common sense eludes you and you wake up next to one in a strange apartment I advise you to run anyway and never tell anyone what you did.

Political Parties: They want our votes. I say we vote for someone else or no one at all. Political parties are similar to the Mafia only bigger and they kill more people.

Race Relations: Races of people should do their part to be a productive force in society. They should refrain from blaming whit............er, others for their problems.

Taxes: The rich should pay taxes. Taxes for them should be like, 2%. Abolish the IRS. Eliminate nearly all of the current federal government not declared in the Constitution or otherwise useless.

Welfare: People on welfare should get a job and leave welfare money to people who got laid off because AT&T wireless sent their customer care departments overseas to India.

Violent Video-games/Movies/TV: Pretending to kill people can be pretty cool. Sick-os who actually do kill people should be killed.