(6,5,4,3,2,1) Reno, Elena, and Rude enter the theater. (lights dim, and the torture begins...) (Yuffie runs in and sits down next to the others) Yuffie: Sorry I am late, I was um....doing stuff. >Snuggles {tm] and Plague go hunting. Reno: Man, if I got stuck with a name like {tm], I'd be pissed! Elena: o/~A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go!o/~ Yuffie: I wonder if the name (tm) is trademarked? >Snuggles was a bear. A little, blondish bear. Rude: Define "blondish"... Reno: Well, it's like blonde, but not quite... Yuffie: Kind of like "brownish". You know like the water in Midgar. >He... well... it... All: .... >had large eyes, and was about 3 feet tall. It giggled a lot, and for some >reason, was prone to chant "Snug-gles, snug-les" quite often. Reno: *shudders* I'd have to kill it. (Reno has to restrain Yuffie from attacking the fic) >Plague, on the other paw...er... hand.. Was a monster of a man. Well over 6 >feet tall, he could uproot 60 feet tale trees and hurl them hundreds of >yards. Elena: *laughs* Uh, you guys ever hear of "tale trees"? Rude: ... >The girls loved him, the men admired him [except a few... who seemed to act >more like the girls...] Reno: (Plague) I swear! I didn't know he was a guy! He acted just like those girls!! >and Lord's respected him. Yuffie: The Lord's of the Dance? Now I really have to kill these people. Elena: Wow... the Gods even liked this guy? Rude: ...Must have a pretty big ego, if he thinks that. Reno: Oush! >In short, he was a pretty popular guy. Anyway, on with the story. Elena: Yes, let's not DWELL on certain people, now... > Plague yawned and slowly got out of bed. It had been a long night... >he had to fight a dragon last night, and that had cut into his beauty rest >consiterably. Reno: And boy, did he need it! >"Oh well, at least Snuggles had a good time." he said outload. Reno: Riiiight, a "good time"... winkwinknudgenudge. Rude: Watch it Reno, you remember the last time you made too many comments like that. Elena: *glaring at Reno* Reno: Whoa! Waitaminute!! "Outload"... *pause* ...heh heh. >In truth, snuggles had goten Rude: Goten? Some twisted DBZ character clone, no doubt... Reno: And Snuggles "had goten", too... Elena: *rolls her eyes* >High, drank a keg, and disappeared with two busty hookers on each furry >little arm. Elena: Oh god... bestiality! Rude: *shudders* Yuffie: Whoooo! I mean...um.... *blushes* Reno: You know, I heard that Yuffie and Nanaki--*THWACK* Elena: Shut up, NOW. Yuffie: Hey! Those rumors are not true...really...come on, why are you all looking at me like that!? Rude: *leans away slightly* > Plague groaned as he slide into his breeches and white shirt. Reno: Reno sighed as he realize fic is sounding like Tarzen. Yuffie: Who the hell says breeches? Elena: Apparently the author does... >Commen to any muscular Hero of the Realm. "Hmmm... Where is snuggles >anyway?" Rude: Out with hookers, last I heard. Elena: Wonder if he knows about the Honey Bee Inn... >the door suddenly flew open with a loud crash. In tottled Snuggles, a happy >look on his face, and the remains of a drug pipe-- Yuffie: Never mix alcohol and drugs. You might break your drug pipe if you are drunk. Reno: Crack pipe, or a bong... be specific, here!! Elena: Uh... Reno? Are you feeling okay? Reno: ...The pointlessness is getting to me. >hanging out of a satchel he carried. > >"Where were you?" asked Plague, not really careing to know. Rude: Weren't we over this already? Yuffie: I belive so. But like everything else in this fic we have to go on and on and on... >Snuggles beamed at Plague, then wondered off to his room,-- Reno: Woah, that musta been some potent stuff. Elena: How the hell do you "wonder" to your room? Yuffie: So is Plague dead now? Snuggles shot a beam of some sort at him. >hicuping every now and then, and banging into walls. Plague shook his head. >"Come on! We gota-- Rude: Gota, Goten's twisted brother... Reno: Shh... we'll get sued! >go hunt today! We ain't got no food!" Elena: (english teacher) Double negatives are a no no! Yuffie: Ah it's all coming together now. A man and his pet bear live alone in the woods and say things like "We ain't got no food!". I think we all see what's going on here. Most of those people prefer sheep though... What? Or so I have heard. Reno: ...I am NOT going to ask. >Snuggles came rushing back out, looking like his old furry self, giggleing >maddly. "That's better!" said Plague, as he grabed his scabard. Snuggles did >the same, only his was about 6 inches long. Reno: Geez! He's a stuffed bear! How can his-- Elena: ARG! BE QUIET! Reno: *mutters* And he "grabed" it, too... Rude: *sighs* Yuffie: Reno is right. That line is just asking to be mocked. >"All right, Let's get going." Plague went out the door, and Snuggles tottled >after, chanting. Elena: Yes, it was true. Snuggles was, in fact, an evil cult leader. Yuffie: And then a giant demon appeared behind Snuggles. "Go forth and get me food" commanded the evil bear. > Soon enough they were in the lush green leaved forest of Glade's >vale. Reno: I'd sure like to "leaved" the theater... Rude: Who's this Glade person? And how did they get to own a vale? Yuffie: I will be Glade when this is over. >Plague was looking around with a keen eye, while Snuggles patted some deer >that were following him. Rude: To make sure they weren't carrying any weapons. > "There's no sign of any wildlife!" Plague threw his arms up in the >air. Snuggles giggled. Yuffie: If there is no wildlife then what the hell is Snuffles patting? Elena: Let's not ask. >They continued on, Snuggles patting the different animals that followed him, >and plague, every now and then, curseing the forest. Rude: You'd think it would be Plague cursing the forest, not the animals. Elena: So, many, commas! >Suddenly, Plague saw a bright green flash. Elena: Mako? Reno: That brat blew up another reactor, didn't he? Rude: It's... THE FLASH! Yuffie: The flash wore red. No, this must be...um...the GREEN FLASH! >"ACK!! Come on Snuggles!!!" Plague sprinted towards the flash, Rude: See? It IS the Flash. >while snuggles jumped on the back of a deer and followed, doing his usual >chant. > Plague broke through the foilage Reno: FOLIAGE... geez, do The Simpsons teach you nothing? Elena: Hmmm... hope that doesn't dent the Fourth Wall... >and stoped dead in his tracks. All: Woohoo! Rude: Let's get outta here, fic's over. Reno: *tries the doors* Heyyy... Elena: *scrolls down* Damn, there's more! Yuffie: *Casts Ultima on the door.* Damn, what do they make those things out of? I guess we have to continue. >There, standing before him, was the most beautiful women Reno: Women?? Is she conjoined twins? >he had ever seen. Yuffie: Not that he really cared. He was, after all, more into bears and stuff. >She was the sorce of the light, now died down to a soft >green glow. Her long, Green hair, Rude: So green, that "green" deserved CAPS. >hung around her shoulders and draped down. Her body was lieth Elena: Liah! I swear, if thou doest lieth to me again... >and beautiful in everyway. Yuffie: Okay, we got it, please continue so we can get this overwith. Reno: Not just anyway, but everyway! >Plague's jaw droped as he seen a big sign sitting next to her. Rude: Bad...grammer... Reno: It's better not to think about it, Rude. >"Queen Nymph of the Forest" it proclaimed, then wondered off. All: *twitch* Yuffie: So the sign got up and waved good bye "Good bye. I am going to wonder off now. Isn't it a wonder that a sign can wander?" > [hehe] Elena: Uh, was there something funny that I missed? Reno: *scrolls back up* Um, not that I can see... Rude: *grumbles* >Plague tried to say something, but the Queen cut him short. All: OFF WITH HIS HEAD!! >"Plague. yes I know who you are. Now, you have cursed this forest one too >many times..." > >Plague finaly got his voice back. >"What's you name?" he managed to utter. Rude: (Plague) Duuhhh... girl pretty. >"Huh? Oh!... My name is Dominika, now. Rude: Was she named something else before? >As I was saying..." >Plague interuppted her, " Dominika?... a Nymph named... dominika?..." he >shuttered. This set her off. Yuffie: So she chained him to a tree and got out the hot wax and whips... what? Oh, her name is Dominika....sorry. Reno: Wha...? Why's that so bad? Actually, Dominika means "pure", I think. So, it should be a good thing. Elena: Well, you're just a well of information today, Reno. >"Are you mocking me?!!.." she screached All: Yes. >"ACK!! Uh, no oh great Queen!!" Plague droped to his knees. Rude: *twitches* Damn it, does this author have a spellchecker!? Yuffie: I think the answer to that is pretty clear. >"Good." she answered, " Anyway, now. You have cursed this forest many times, >so it is time you will be cursed as well." All: How conveeeeeeeniant! >Just then, snuggles on Deer-back, broke through the trees-- Reno: *SMASH* [Snuggles] That'll teach those trees who's boss... heh. >and stoped short. Getting thrown off the deer's back and landing at the feet >of the Queen. Slowly, it got to it's feet. Elena: I'm confused... just WHAT is getting to its feet, here? Yuffie: The bear or the deer or the giant purple dinosaur. Reno: *whimpers* ...Too... messed... up! >"Oh my! What a cute little bear! What forest are you from dear?" asked the >Forest Nymph, gleefully. Yuffie: (Snuggles) "I am from the East Coast forest biznicth!" Reno: *nods* So, she changed her name, huh? Rude: Personally, I like Dominika better than "gleefully"... >Snuggles grinned and giggled maddly. The Nymph just looked at it as it did >that. "uh... right..." she said, looking oddly at it. Snuggles jumps up and >skitters off to Plague's side. Elena: Ack! Time warp? Reno: Huh? Elena: ...We just switched from past to preasent tense! >"uh, yes, anyway... "She draws herself up to her full hight, and extends her >long, deliqet, beautiful pale white arm.... Rude: Deliqet... Reno: Like a delegate? Yuffie: I don't know much about the bodies of forest nymphs but where is the full hight? >"I condem you to never live farther then 100 feet from The bear, under >punishment of pain!" Reno: *lopsided grin* Ooooh, hurt me, please. Rude: *rolls his eyes* Elena: *mutters* From what I've heard... >Snuggles and Plague couldn't help but snicker. "Uh, Dominika... we already >live in the same place, party all the time. He's never more then 50 feet >away." Snuggles nodded rapidly in agreement. Reno & Rude: o/~I wanna live in the same place, and party all the time!o/~ >"Oh..." Dominika shrugs and slumps down on the stump, "I can't get anything >right, damn it!... All the time, all because of that infernal Nezumi man. Elena: "Rat man"?? >DAMN IT!!!" All: OW! My ears! >Both Snuggles and Plague were thrown down to the ground with that last >curse, which made a strong wind blow up. Rude: It was a sad day when the wind finally exploded. Yuffie: So she can just say things and the wind blows? I thought she was a FOREST nymph. Why can she control the wind? Elena: If we question the logic of the story, our brains might explode... >After it died down, All: AAAHHHHHH! DEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATH!! >Plague and his friend get up and walk, very very slowly, towards the sobing >nymph. Reno: S-O-B-ing nymph? Elena: How do you son of a bitch? It's not a verb... >Snuggles makes a weird little chirping noise which makes the Queen look up. Rude: Yeah, I would look up too if I heard a demented stuffed BEAR CHIRPING. >"Oh... just leave my Queen-dom.... you can't help...ohhhhhh" she starts to >sob again. Elena: *sighs* Why?? Why do we have to switch tenses!? Yuffie: Because Stone Cold said so. >Snuggles sniffles and looks at Plague... a little tear rolls down the bear's >fur. Reno: *flatly* Boo-hoo, very moving... blah blah blah. Can I go yet?? Yuffie: That bear is kind of cute... what? Why are you all looking at me again? Damnit. (Everyone edges away from Yuffie) >Dominika looks at Plague, and a tear rolls down her check, Reno: So she was writing a check while crying? Rude: Yeah, she's using the money she's making from working in B-fics to pay off her debts. >over her neck, and down between.... Elena: *glares at the fic* >Plague shakes his head and looks at Dominika's face again... Rude: ...?? Reno: Whoa, Elena, you must have, like, super powers or something! The fic actually LISTENED to you... Elena: ^_^ I'm just THAT great. >he sighs, " Oh fine!!" he yells, throwing his arms up. Reno: EWWWWWW!!! Elena: ...I've seen some pretty gross stuff being regurgitated, but ARMS!? Reno: And his own, to boot! *shivers* >Snuggles and Dominika look at each other, and giggle maddly, quickly pouting >when Plague looks back at them. >"So..." Plague says casually, "who is Nezumi man anyway?" Yuffie: And more importantly, can he bring this fic to an end? Reno: I hope so! >"Nezumi... the rat, " Dominika answers, sniffleing, " He took over the magic >of the forest. I... I..., " She puts her head back into her hands, >whineing.. "I'm just a figure-head... bwahhhhhhh." She cries again. Yuffie: Like an action figure? >Snuggles pats her head, starting to whine too. >Plague growls, " Oh...shut-up. Rude: The first intelligent thing this guy's said. >Now tell me where he lives! I'll go, kick his ass, and come back!" >The Nymph shock her head, Yuffie: Yeah you have to watch out for that light fixture here in the middle of the forest. Reno: Ow! That musta hurt... Elena: BzzZZzzzzt!! Rude: heh. >"it's not that easy." Sniffles. Rude: Uhh... where did that come from...? Elena: Who the hell's Sniffles? Reno: The demented (or maybe sane?) cousin of Snuggles. >Plague scoffs. "Not that easy? Bah, I've taken on dragons! How bad can a >rat-man be?' > > Plague, once again, was way off. Elena: *giggles* Wow... the author admits it! >The Evil Nezumi, Rat-man, and all around bad guy, was notorious for >dispatching heros. The sniviling coward was remarkably good at stabing in >the back. Rude: However, he was terrible at stabbing backs. Yuffie: Oh I get it now, it's not just Nezumi the Rat Man. It's The Evil Nezumi the rat man, well that certianly changes things. >At that exact moment, he was eating a piece of cheese and watching a >hanging. All in all, Nezumi was happy. All: Ahhhhh... this is the life... >"Ahhhhh... this is the life..." He said, watching the hanging girl anounce >the crimes the hangee did. All: !!! Reno: *grins* Observe the ability of RPG characters to pronounce punctuation. Yuffie: Yeah it's like #$@&@!*$ Elena: (mock appalled) Language, Yuffie! >"uh, sir..." said a man at his side. He was wearing a black turban, a >goatee, and carrying a scemitar. He had "Grand Viser" written all over him. Elena: So, basically... Jafar? Rude: *shakes his head* Can't be... this guy is a VISER... Reno: *grins* A GRAND Viser... Yuffie: So do those Grand Viser words really cover his whole body? >"What?" snaped Nezumi, his wiskers twitching. Reno: I want to be WISKED away from this fic... Elena: *giggles* Maybe the WISKERS will be able to get us out. >"There is an... intruder, sir. Rude: [Jafar--er, "viser"] Whew! Almost forgot my lines. >He is the Hero Plague and his side-kick, The >mysterious Snuggles. No one is quite sure what the bear does, but it must be >bad.." Reno: *shudders* You have no idea, Viser man. >Normally, Grand Visers were all "yes sir, no sir, five dead please." >but this one, was, needless to say, more cowerdly Elena: Question... what's "cowerdly" mean? Rude: Guess the author couldn't afford an "a"? Who knows... Reno: Who cares! >then Nezumi himself. the Rat didn't want a Grand Viser with a back-bone, >because if he had one, he could kiss his spineless self good-bye in a matter >of days. All: GOOD!! >"Yea, Reno: "...And the great globe itself, yea all which it inherit--" Elena: Gah! Shakespear! >so? Kill him." Nezumi turned back to the hanging, and laughed evily as >the man on the end of the robe droped to his death, his neck snaped. Rude: Ugh... guess the author can't afford double letters either. *twitch* Elena: Whoa! Wait a minute! "The man on the end of the robe"??? Reno: ...Er, right... >"Yes sir..." >The Grand Viser ran off in search of his opratives. Unlike the Grand Viser, >these guys had back-bone up past the top of their heads. All: EWWWWW!!!! Yuffie: Hey! It's not nice to make fun of the physicaly handicaped. >Nezumi laughed evily again, thunder cracking in the distance and lightning >glanceing off his features Rude: Yeah, even the lightening couldn't stand the look of him. >so he looked all scary like. He cackled evily again. All: *deadpan* Mwahahahaha. > > "Ohhhhhh... THAT bad.." Plague was sitting on the stump, beside the >Queen. he had just been told what you all just read. Reno: Gee whillickers, Batman!! This story broke the Fourth Wall! Yuffie: You see the queen has a hidden camera system so she can watch rat boy all the time. And I do mean all the time. (Everyone shudders) >"I suppose that would be a challenge. Oh well." Plague got up, with a heroic >pose, he called out. " Come, snuggles. We have EVIL to vanquish!" Reno: But why does Snuggles have to c--*WHAM!!* Elena: *smiles sweetly and hides a mallet* >With that said, Plague drew his sword, and charged into the forest, Yuffie: And ran right into a tree. All: *hum the George of the Jungle song* >yelling "Take no Prisoners!".... In due time, he came back out, his sword >draging on the ground. "Uh.. which way?" Rude: Heh... that's the first really amusing thing that's happened so far. >Snuggles giggled and rushed off towards the north. the Queen noded, >stifleing a laugh. Elena: Yeesh... this story keeps inventing all these new verbs! Reno: Yeah, like "noding" and "Stifleing"... Rude: ...*twitch* > > Plague and snuggles pushed on through the woods. The sun was almost >down when the Grand Viser steped out from behind a tree in front of Plague. Rude: So... there was a tree in front of Plague, and the "Grand Viser" "steped" out from behind that, or the Viser guy stepped out in front of Plague? Elena: *weak laugh* An english teacher's worst nightmare. >"So, Plague, we meet." He snickered. The kind that ment "You are soooooooo >screwed!" Rude: But that's okay. Although if the snicker had MEANT "You are sooooooo screwed", there woulda been trouble! >"Uh... yea, so we meet...uh..." Plague looked the man over from his turban >to the end of his pointy boots, "Grand Viser?" The Viser nodded happily, >"Ah, great. So, where are your evil, killing troops?" > >The Viser grined as at least 20 big beefy guys incircled our Hero... and >Snuggles, who was still giggleing. Yuffie: So they were part cow? Elena: Mmm! Beefy! Rude: ...I prefer chicken, myself. >"AHHHHH!!... This, I can understand!" Plague grinned and drew his sword. >Snuggles giggled and drew his little dirk. Yuffie: *Giggles* little dirk. Elena: *shakes her head* You're getting as bad as Reno. Reno: Hey! We're SUPPOSED to be mocking this! > Now, the usual Heroic fights always end with the Hero standing over >a pile of bodies, calmly polishing his sword. However, the side-kick is >usualy fighting for his life against one enemy, having a hard time. Well, >let's just say, this fight was a little different. All: A little TOO different, ifyouknowwhatimean! >Needless to say, by the end of it, Plague was muttering about "super" Rude: Riiight, "super"... >enemys, and snuggles was boiling tea, calmly wraping Plague's arm in >bandages. Yuffie: Don't ask how he built a fire to boil it during the fight. Reno: They never mentioned that there WAS a fire. > "I can't believe this!" Plague exclaimed, throwing his arms, and >Snuggles, into the air, "I'm the hero of this fic, I'm supposed to win!" Elena: Uhh... he took off his arms to throw them? > As Plague's small rant ended, Snuggles came down from the air, >landing in the fire. Reno: *glances at Yuffie* Hm, guess there IS a fire. >With a tiny yelp, the little bear jumped up and ran around the campsite, >chanting "Snug-les!" so quickly it was hard to know what it was just saying. Rude: Snug les? Maybe we want to snug more! (Reno groans) Elena: Er, well... it seems like the story's, uh, over... Reno: Woohoo! Let's get the hell outta here! *jumps out of his seat and heads for the doors, which have been "magically" opened. Rude, Elena and Yuffie follow*