Hello There. Basically i wanted to say a few things to a few different people, some on a good note, some on a bad. Its December 3rd, im feeling happy today and i want to get a lot off my chest. Before anything i want to say Happy Birthday to everyone who is having or has had a Birthday recently (Manda, Meg, Rach, Lays and Amy) i hope you guys like your presents and i want to say Merry Christmas to everyone. Now, i want firstly to tell someone something which is really bugging me. I want to say to Amme that i am completely happy for you :-) (you know what im talking about) I'm not angry at all, i will admit that on that last Thursday, i was a little upset, but i have been really confused for a long time and things are starting to clear up in my twisted head now so all i really want to say is congratulations girl! :-) I dont like fighting with you, or anyone... we kind of drifted apart a little since the earlier years, but i guess were two different people. No hard feelings. I have gotten over everyone i used to like... im not into having these crushes or obsessions anymore, i know the one person i want and thats all i want and all im going to hope for. A peice of news now... I got a phone call from Janelle the other day and she is coming back to Brisbane really soon and is coming back to school :-) Also, i really hope that everything is going great for Sam and Calvin, if not, then i hope you get whatever guy you want - and im sure you will cus youre a great person :-) Nextly i am going to apologize to everyone for 2001, i know i have been a pain in the arse, a really bad friend basically, i mean, i relied on a lot of people this year, but you know, yous all did get me through. I have enlightened myself a little now, ive decided that even though im still making myself sick by longing for Daniel that i still will, im not going to do any more stupid things like what i did to my arm those times and im going to try and stay positive. I know i probably wont, but im going to try. I do love Daniel and yes i do realise that my chances are REALLY slim, but i still do have a tweeny chance and as long as thats there, i can still hope and dream and even if i dont meet him next year or the year after, in my mind, i know i will, maybe it will be in 20 years time but as long as he has touched my life, i will die happy. Next time people laugh at me or say things to me, im not going to cry... it doesnt matter what anybody else thinks and i have learnt that, all i ask is that you dont be the people that do the things that used to make me cry. Moving on, I'm personally thanking 3 people i think you know who you are but incase you dont... Rachael, Meghan and Bettina, for helping me this year. I dont know why but i found it easiest to talk to Rach and Meghan about my problems and Bettina was the one who could usually take my mind off it so THANK YOU and a big hug :-) to you all. Also to Laila, Lays, or Lailies... i am going to miss you SOOO much next year... at least you get away from Ando Comando (personal joke) :-P You must email me all the time though, i dont want to lose contact with you because youve been about the ONLY person who would go out with me to the movies or anywhere for that matter and THANK YOU again for taping the silverchair specials on channel [V] I will never forget that. I hope you make heaps of wonderful friends at your new school and have a wonderful time there. I know i am writing a lot, but i am saying everything that i want to say. Another subject, not really quite so happy is about J. J, i love you and i hope that you still see me as a friend it just seems to me sometimes that you avoid me or dont want to be near me, i can understand that from this year, i was really f***ed up but it just makes me feel a little bit sad. Its like at school youre 'not allowed' to be my friend, i dont know if its because of your "sheep" or something else, but... i just want you to know that i do see it, i do realise you do it... im sorry if i have done anything but you just seem like a really close and wonderful friend when we speak online and when its just us... i like that much better. Um another thing that popped into my mind last night was Tony, no, i was just feeling sorry for him because of what Chris, Anthony and Shanan do to him... what has he done? He didnt do anything, i just think its really mean what they do to him. Thats all. My final thing im going to say is that im not going to Big Day Out in 2002, it would mean so much to be able to see Daniel but i just dont think its for me, its not how i dreamed i would see him and at the moment, im just following the path that my mind takes me. I hope that i will meet him, i hope my dreams come true, but im not going to do anything myself... if i was meant to meet him, somehow i will, or maybe even my parents, friends or relatives would help me along... but i guess really its just fate. So i leave now, with a smile on my face and im looking forward to seeing you all on Friday. Thanks. Love Becky.
