friday, november 22 entry finally - i'm able to update the webpage! wow, have i felt disconnected lately! since we've been in arkansas, i haven't been able to get access to my webpage. but here we are. so we arrived in arkansas over a week ago, and have spent every evening visiting family or friends, introducing owen to everyone. so far, it seems that he is a hit! i knew he would be! he is so gorgeous. and he is changing so much. he has gained 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks, putting him at approximately 10 pounds. i can't believe it. he has filled out, and is starting to get a few baby fat rolls. beautiful. finally, his 0-3 month clothes are fitting. he is just becoming so alert, and he spends time every day working on holding his head up. he talks to us, too, cooing and gabbing and grunting. if only he would smile! he does smile and giggle in his sleep, but he hasn't given us a voluntary grin yet. i try so hard every day to get him to smile, but not yet. so i can't wait for that milestone! one big change for us is that we have decided to formula feed him, and supplement with breastfeeding. the trip to arkansas somehow messed up my milk supply - being tired or stressed or both, combined with 11 hours of only pumping during the drive, seems to have really dried me up. so now we do two pumping sessions a day, and owen gets a full breastmilk bottle in the morning, and another full breastmilk bottle before bed. the rest of the day he takes formula. we bought a new bottle, the playtex nurser, so now we don't have to fight him anymore. we threw out the avent bottles - oh, the leaking! - and he loves to take the playtex bottle. man oh man, is my life easier! i admit that the decision to supplement permanently has been the hardest thing for me since he was born. every day i wonder if i am doing the right thing. but with my supply so low, and him not learning to latch right (yes, even after two costly trips to the lactation consultant), i will have to supplement the boy or he will starve! so my official decision is to formula feed him, supplement with breastmilk, and try again on the next child. the nurses told us at the hospital when he was born that he was a lazy sucker. i guess i didn't really believe them, but now i know better! he is a lazy sucking bum! and that meant that my milk never fully came in. so anyway - the saga continues, sort of. can i just say that the one thing i never counted on when we had a baby is the unsolicited parenting advice. do you know that people have actually, on more than one occasion, had the gumption to tell me that i am "making a huge mistake" with my child? people seem to just get up in arms over co-sleeping, especially older people. i have had people tell me that i will regret it, and that i am messing up! it shocks me that people have the nerve to be so brazen. am i not the mother? did i not birth this child, and am i not the one to make those decisions, along with my husband? i am a good mother. each decision i make for owen is a well thought-out and planned one. i am his mother, and i will do what is best for him. wow, i just can't believe the nerve of some people. everyone has an opinion. i never would have believed it if someone would have told me before owen was born, but people just feel free to let you hear it, don't they? anyway, that's my aggravation for the day. but let me just say, no more mister-nice-mom. just try me. tomorrow is my husband's birthday. he will be 22. i am going to get up early and make him belgian waffles. he is in the other room right now with the baby, giving me a break. what a wonderful guy. he has started back to work during the day this week, and he really misses being with the baby. owen misses him too, i can tell. it upset his schedule to not have daddy around during the day. the first day keith was back to work, the baby was so restless and fussy all day, and then when keith walked in after work, owen went to him and dropped right to sleep. it was adorable. i just love my two guys so much. our little family is perfect. so happy birthday to keith. and even though i haven't updated in forever, that is enough for now. i will keep up better, now that i'm no longer cut off from my webpage. i promise! tuesday, november 12 entry happy one-month day, owen! i can’t believe the difference one month has made! you are growing so big, and changing so much. we have had a wonderful time getting to know you! the most dramatic change is that your personality is starting to show. you no longer just eat and sleep all day. each day you spend more time alert, looking around, and getting to know the things around you. you love to look at lights, and at faces. you know and recognize my voice, and daddy’s voice. also, we’re getting to know your temper! i honestly don’t know where that came from – neither daddy nor i have tempers as awful as yours! your mood seems to change from totally content to bloody murder in about five seconds. you definitely like your voice to be heard! i can think of three times where you have screamed so hard that you have actually stopped breathing. talk about freaking out your parents! and nothing angers you more than the cursed diaper changes. you definitely have quite the temper. you are just becoming your own little person! you also have gained so much strength in your neck and legs. i no longer worry about you getting stuck face-down in blankets or the mattress. you are perfectly able to pick up your head and turn your neck. you are also able to push yourself all around the floor or the bed when you are on your tummy, as long as you can get your legs against something. as a matter of fact, i remember when you were three weeks old, you rolled completely over on the bed. you haven’t done it since, but i was impressed with how strong you are! you don’t really spend much time with your toys yet. the rattles and activity gyms are just too much for you right now. you prefer dancing with mom and dad, and you like it when we sing to you. sometimes i will lay you on the bed with me, and i can dance your arms and legs around for an hour while we sing, and you seem to love it. also, the swing is a big hit. it keeps you happy for long periods of time. the bouncy chair is something new that we’ve only tried once, and you seemed to enjoy it, as well. in fact, you got a good grip on the toy bar, and yanked the rings while you bounced in the chair. it even got a little grin out of you, and your grins are still so rare, except when you are sleeping. you grin like a madman in your sleep! the sleeping situation is about the same. you wake every three hours, almost to the minute, to eat. a few nights ago you gave me a few five hour stretches, but that passed, and we’re back to normal now. 11PM to 2AM are kind of your golden hours – you are the most alert and awake during that time period. so i have adjusted my sleeping schedule to match. i now watch a lot of david letterman, and, unfortunately, a whole lot of carson daly’s new show! you are also still sleeping in the big bed with us. i am getting a lot more comfortable with the co-sleeping than before. in fact, i have begun to treasure your little warm body cuddled up with me, and waking up to your face. i am learning to trust my mommy instincts, and i don’t worry about you getting hurt in our bed. i seem to be perfectly in tune with you, and wake up if you need anything at all. another new milestone for you is the chattering. you have just started gabbing at us, and making noises. you have quite a repertoire of sounds, but your “signature sound” is so funny – it sounds almost like you are clearing your throat, and you make this sound all the time. daddy and i laugh anytime we hear it. i can’t find any pattern or reason for this particular sound, except that it must amuse you. we chatter back and forth with you, and you seem to have a lot to say. as for me, i am still exhausted, but i am loving every second we spend together. you are so beautiful. you are absolutely the brightest spot in my life, and your daddy feels the same. i wondered for nine months what you would look like and sound like and smell like and be like, and you have far exceeded all of my expectations. i love to hear you chattering, and i love to spend time dancing and singing with you. i love to dress you and bathe you and feed you, and yes, i even love your baby gas! it amuses me how babies aren’t burdened with the stigma of tooting in public – you just let it rip whenever and wherever we may be! you are truly your daddy’s son, and i find it hilarious to hear you grunting around. i am having such fun watching you learn new things and become more aware of everything going on around you. you are such a joy. i read a quote in a book the other day that said, “i will carry your first cry with me always.” and i truly will. your birthday, one month ago, was the happiest day of my life. it is amazing how in one little second, daddy and i went from being a couple to being a family. it will never be just the two of us again. we have you now, and it is absolutely better than before. you are in my heart, little o, and i will love you always! love, mommy tuesday, november 05 entry today was our follow-up appointment with the lactation consultant. can i just say, sweet victory! the consutant said they expect a baby to gain one ounce per week once he regains his birthweight - and owen is up 10 ounces from last tuesday! he weighs 7.15, up from last week's 7.5, which was also his original birthweight. so that's the kind of boost i need to keep breastfeeding. i will just tell myself when i am watching martha stewart at 4AM with a wide-awake baby gnawing on me that it's all worth it, he's gaining weight, and he's healthy. hopefully that will keep me going! i can do it, i can do it! another long night last night. keith asks me about every day how i'm running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep every night, with no naps during the day (i try, i really do - but between feedings every two hours or so, and trying to pick up the house, and having to hold owen all day, since he doesn't like to be down by himself - it just doesn't happen). i honestly don't know, except that it's a mommy thing. my mommy instincts have kicked in, especially when i'm sleeping. i can still hear and feel the baby sleeping beside me, even when i'm asleep. not that i'm not tired - heck, i'm exhausted. but new mommys are made for this, including me. we are still working on plans to come home for thanksgiving. we haven't picked exact dates yet, but are looking forward to a nice visit with family and friends. i can't wait for everyone to meet my perfect little boy. and a big congratulations to my cousin shane on his new baby girl, brooklyn grace, born 11/02. brooklyn is the fifth great-grandchild on my dad's side of the family, and is only a few days younger than owen. they were actually due only 4 days apart, but owen was early and brooklyn was late. as homefire would say, we are building a legacy! sunday, november 03 entry owen was three weeks old yesterday! to commemorate, we took some pictures in his new outfit that his great-great aunt and uncle sent him. he looks adorable. we took some that show the house, too. betsy is flying out tonight. we have had fun with her here. thursday we went to the mall, then took the baby up to my work to show my co-workers. friday we just hung around the house in our pajamas most of the day. saturday we drove around looking at the fall trees and the huge houses, and went downtown to eat. and today we're bumming around the house again, until she has to leave tonight. she is working with me on my crochet. i have wanted to learn for a long time, and haven't been able to figure it out on my own. so hopefully she can teach my something great. we had a really rough day and night with owen yesterday. he was sick at his stomach. he didn't have a dirty diaper for well over 24 hours, and he was spitting up every few hours. he has only spit up twice since he was born, so yesterday was really excessive for him. he was screaming in pain. finally last night i called the pediatrician and she gave us some helpful hints for getting him to poop. after about two hours of screaming, he finally pooped, and i got him to sleep around 1AM. he has decided now that he will not take a bottle, which isn't a good thing considering i've been pumping breastmilk for him. once it's out of its "original packaging", it's out - he's got to take it out of a bottle! so he's hungry on top of everything else, and refuses to eat. he did sleep a few hours last night, but not nearly enough for my liking! and now he is screaming, so i'm off.
