Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman-7/31/02

Dave-"Our next guest is an Academy Award nominated actor,starring in a new motion picture entitled "Sign",opens on Friday,Ladies and Gentelman-Joaquin Phoenix!"
[Joaquin walks out,shakes Dave's hand,waves to the audience]
Dave-"Welcome Back"
Joaquin-"Thanks so much for having me."
Dave-"I just wanted to aplogize,We've run a little long here,so you may not get your normal amount of time,so please don't hold it aganist me."
Joaquin-"Oh no,that's fine I'm quite happy,Thanks."
Dave-"How you doing?,how's your Summer going,Everything good?"
Joaquin-"Fantastic,great,yeah.....I finished up with this film,"Signs",it's opening Friday and um..I helped my sister recently who got an apartment."
Dave-"That's very nice of you."
Joaquin-"Yeah,and I was helping her kind of um...try to furnish the place but I'm not very good at this,I don't know,do you do your own...do you shop?"
Dave-"Yeah I love to shop and decorate." [Turns to the audience]
[laughter]
Joaquin-"Right."
Dave-"That's really what I'm all about."
Joaquin-"Right."[Joaquin laughs] Well I'm kind of the same way and it kind of...it fell on to me to,to help her out...
Dave-"Well what's the matter with your sister,why can't she do it?"
Joaquin-"She had to go to L.A to record an album."
[Dave laughs]
Joaquin-"So uh,I had to do that."
Dave-"You're like a big movie star,you don't need to be doing this."
Joaquin-"But,she's my older sister!,she's my older sister,I had no other choice but to do it...and so I went around and I was shopping and I really didn't know where to go and I went to "Zoe's" and stuff,and they have like candles ,that are $700.
[laughter]
And I'm really bad at bargaining ,I basically just get ripped off everywhere I go.So after I furnished her apartment for like the price of an "island.
[laughter]
It's true,it was like a 7 million dollar couch.So I decide to get it painted.That's my logic,I furnish the place,then decide to get it painted.
[Dave laughs]
I didn't know what to do in this situation at all,so I consult my good friend Casey Affleck.He had an apartment...similar size,and I figure he'd know."
Dave-"Is this like related to Ben Affleck? That knid of deal?"
Joaquin-"Uh..I suppose."
[laughter]
Dave-"Is it,is he like his brother or something?"
Joaquin-"Yes,Yes they're brothers,you know that!"
Dave-"I didn't know that!"
Joaquin-"You did know that,and then you asked me but you did know."
[Joaquin laughs]
[laughter]
Dave-"No,but I know now,I didn't know,Did you know that Paul?"
[Joaquin looks at Dave's notes]
Joaquin-"It says right here-"Casey Affleck..."
[laughter and applause]
Joaquin-"I'm lieing."
Dave-"We don't have a file on Casey Affleck."
Joaquin-"It dosen't say that,I'm lieing,it dosen't say that."
Paul-"Max Affleck too? Max Affleck and Morris Affleck."
Dave-"Stop It! Stop It!"
Joaquin-"Yeah,Max..."
Dave-"So you call him up for moral..."
Joaquin-"Yeah,for advice..How much did your place cost? and he said,"I can't really remember,I got to look through my receipts but no matter what,shoot low.They're going to try to take you."So yeah,I thought it was good advice.So uh..this guy comes over to give me an estimate,and he walks in and goes this "This is going to be big,this is going to be a big job."And it's not,it's like 900 square feet,it's not a big job.So I said,okay,okay,what's the..what do you think it's going to cost? And he said,"Oh,it's gonna run you about a grand." And I go,a grand! Are you out of your mind,I wasn't born yesterday,you can't do this to me...
Dave-"That's good."
Joaquin-"And I think this is the neogation process,we're neogationg...I'm neogating."
[laughter]
Joaquin-"He turns and walks out."
[laughter]
Dave-"Where'd he go?"
Joaquin-"Well I thought he was,you know,playing hard,it's part of the negoation process.So I figured cool,so I relaxed,poured a glass of water,[sighs]....day turned into night...
[laughter]
Joaquin-"And I realized,there was no neogation process.That he just left.So,[he laughs]...I told you I'm not very good at this,so I called up Casey and he goes,you know,how did it go,did you neogiate? And I said I tried on the neogation and the guy still tried to take me.He said "a thousand",and he goes,"What?,a thousand?" and I said yeah,that's what I said,what? you know,get outta here,I'm not going to pay a thousand! And her goes,"Dude,It cose me 4,000 to paint my place."
Dave-"Ohhhh"
[laughter]
Joaquin-"I'm getting the deal of the century and I badger this man who was doing a good job,so....needless to say,the place hasn't been painted yet."
Dave-"Now what is...is your sister back and does she like the place or does she not like it?
Joaquin-"The place is okay,I don't think I did that well actually.I'm a little embrassed.I wish you hadn't brought thta up to be perfectly honest."
[Dave laughs]
Dave-"Now let's talk about the film and getting to work with uh...with your buddy uh..[forgets the name]
[Joaquin takes a sip from the cup and dosen't realize what's happening]
[laughter]
Joaquin-"Wait a minute,how do you all know what's going on and I don't?"
Dave-"Mel Gibson."
Joaquin-"Mel Gibson! okay!"
[laughter]
Joaquin-"He's just the coolest guy,he's so much fun to have on the set and he's real dedicated to his work and he has this friend who is a chriopracter,that well like,drill on your "meridans" during lunch."
Dave-"Really?"
[laughter]
Joaquin-"I have no idea what that means."
Dave-"You just drop them off and then he has them ready for you after lunch?"
[laughter]
Joaquin-"I guess so"
Dave-"That's remarkable!"
Joaqun-"It is."
[laughter]
Dave-"Now Mel always has some kind of diet he's,something he kind of drinks or eats?"
Joaquin-"Yeah,well I've been a vegan since I was 3.I don't eat any animal products,and Mel has to eat like a cow a day."
[laughter]
Joaquin-"And I think the consequence of that is that,he drinks these "super" drinks that he makes himself which are like advocado,and garlic and hubcaps,and I have no idea what's going on."
[laughter]
Dave-"Really? Wow!"
Joaquin-"So he gives me one,this one morning.I go in,I'm quite tired and I take a sip and it's just horrible,the worst thing I've had in my life.And it takes every acting muscle not to make a face and I'm trying desepratly and he goes,"You love it.don't you? You like it."
[laughter]
Joaquin-"And what do you say to Mel Gibson? You're like,"Yes,I love it!",and he's like,"Great! I'll make you one every morning!"
[laughter]
Joaquin-"Oh great 3 months of this!"
Dave-"You could paint your sister's apartment with that stuf...it's easy,easy money."
[laughter]
Dave-"Listen,it's always good to see you and come back again,we'll talk more.But the movie opens on Friday,It's called "Signs".
Joaquin-"It's called "Signs".
Dave-"And it looks very much,like thrilling,pshycologically,kind of frightening."
Joaquin-"It is,it is,it has everything.It's very funny..uh,it's scary,uh emotional but you'll love this movie,I promise you and you kow I don't promise or say that kind of thing."
Dave-"I respect you for that..I do"
[laughter]
[Joaquin looks at his watch]
Joaquin-"Is my time up?"
Dave-"Nice to see you again,Joaquin Phoenix Everybody!"