this is tough love ~ a zac fanfiction
that old feeling
Isaac, Taylor, and Zac walked across the hot sandy beach, in Bunbury, Western Australia, looking for a spot to set down their beach towels. It was February, 2 months since Zac's hospitalization, and the guys were on their promo tour for their new album. Taylor and Isaac brought their surf boards. The guys finally found the perfect spot and spread out their beach towels.
Isaac and Taylor stripped off their shirts and started putting sunblock on their faces.
"Are you coming?" Taylor asked Zac.
"Yeah, " He replied. "I'm just gonna set the umbrella up so dad and Ashley can find us easier, when they get here with the cooler."
"Eskie, Zac." Isaac reminded him, "In Australia, a cooler is called an eskie."
Zac shrugged his shoulders, and pulled the beach umbrella from its bag. He struggled for a minute to get the huge American flag umbrella up and getting it to stay in the sand. Isaac and Taylor grabbed their surf boards and ran out towards the ocean, not bothering to wait on Zac. Their lean, tan bodies, and sunstreaked blond hair fit right in with the typical American view of an Aussie surfer.
Zac sat in the cool shade of the umbrella, and pulled his long hair into a ponytail. Most of his dark blond hair had stuck to his neck, from the heat. Zac pulled his T-shirt off and dug the sunblock out of the sand were Taylor threw it, and applied it to his face. Zac looked out towards the ocean. Taylor and Isaac were showing off in front of a few girls on their surfboards. Zac walked to the edge of the water. It felt great. He went further into the ocean, then dove under the water and swam to a less populated part of the ocean.
*****
Walker pulled the cooler full of Cokes and Dr.Peppers, while Ashley carried their beach towels and a package of fish and chips wrapped in gray paper.
"Where are they?" Ashley asked, scanning the beach.
"There." Walker pointed to the beach umbrella decorated with an American flag.
Ashley smiled, "Gee that's obvious."
"Yeah, but it's easier to keep up with them that way." Walker replied.
They got to the umbrella, and Ashley spread out their beach towels. Walker opened the package of fish and chips, seasoned with salt and vinegar.
"Should we tell them the food's arrived?" Ashley said, biting into a chip, or what Americans would call a french fry.
"They'll come when they're hungry." Walker said, grabbing a few chips himself.
Five minutes later, Isaac and Taylor show up, dripping wet.
"Dry off boys, and join us for fish and chips." Walker said.
They discarded their surfboards and grabbed their towels.
"Did you add vinegar?" Taylor asked.
"Of course." Ashley said, "What would fish and chips be without the vinegar?"
Isaac and Taylor patted themselves dry, and spread their towels back out and sat on them.
"Where's Zac?" Asked Walker.
"He wasn't with us." Isaac said.
"He'll be here soon then." Walker said.
Taylor pulled an ice cold Dr.Pepper from the cooler and popped the top.
"Yeah, he probably found some cute Aussie chick and is now using his charm on her." Taylor said.
Isaac dug out a Coke from the cooler. Walker looked at his watch. It was 1:15.
"He better get here soon before the seagulls take off with his food."
*****
Zac swam out to a cluster of rocks, that formed at the edge of the beach, way away from everyone else. He pulled himself up on the warm surface of one of the bigger, smoother rocks. He pulled his knees up close to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. His ponytail dripped water down his darkly tanned back. He stared out at the huge ships on the horizon and wondered what it was like being out on the ocean for months at a time. Zac would enjoy it as long as no one knew where he was so they couldn't ask him probing questions about his personal life. Zac closed his eyes and thought back to an interview he did with John Norris of MTV, a week after he got out of the hospital.
He remembered one question in particular: "Do you think this could come back, or are you fully cured?"
Zac had stumbled through an answer: "Well, I would hope not. Uh, I mean that it won't come back. I uh, I'm still going through some therapy sessions, so uh, that helps."
It had been one of the biggest stories of the moment. Everyone wanted an interview with Zac. Zac, his parents, and his manager agreed that it would be best to do some interviews, to get the truth out; rumors had already been flying. It had since died down some. Especially since their promo tour. But there were still questions, a lot of questions Zac didn't like to answer.
*****
The next morning, the guys were getting ready to do an interview, plus a song on a show called, Good Morning, Bunbury.
Their driver, Kevin, picked them up at 6 AM to drive them to the GWN Station building. They played their first single and did a ten minute interview. To Zac's relief, they did not ask any questions about the anorexia.
They went from there, to a local radio station, Hot FM, to do another brief interview and to do a special accoustic performance of their single. They shook hands with the DJ's and autographed posters that listeners of Hot FM would be eligible to win.
The whole time, Zac wasn't able to focus. Sure, he did his job, played his part, and mechanically answered questions, but his mind was somewhere else. His mind went back to the day where he stood in the New York hotel room, watching himself on the TV, realizing he was chubby.
Exhausted, the Hanson clan returned to their hotel suite that overlooked the beach. Isaac bought a calling card so he could call Kelli, Zac's nurse when he was in the hospital. The two had gone on a few dates, but decided to remain friends mainly because they both had busy schedules at the moment. He locked himself in one of the bedrooms, so he could talk to her privately.
Zac pulled out his Play Station One and began playing Final Fantasy. Taylor flipped through all four channels on the "telly".
"Hey, Zac, I was talking to this girl Emma at the beach and she told me about this tower in the center of town that you climb up, and see all of Bunbury. Wanna go?" Taylor asked.
"Maybe later." Zac replied, too into his game to want to go anywhere.
"Hey guys, " Walker said. "Since we leave tonight, how about we go to dinner at Fast Eddie's."
"What's Fast Eddie's?" Taylor asked.
"It's this really cool cafe." Ashley answered.
"Sure." Taylor said. Zac shrugged.
Isaac joined the others, with a smile on his face.
"What?" Taylor was the first to ask.
"She's got it bad for me." He boasted.
Ashley and Taylor both grabbed pillows from the couch and threw it at him.
*****
The sky was a light shade of pink as the clan walked the two blocks to Fast Eddie's. Music was blasting from the busy cafe when they walked in. Each of the Hanson brothers had on shades, and a ball cap. They took their sunglasses off when they sat at their table.
"Hi! I'm Mandy, your waitress this evening. What can I get you?" Mandy had thick black hair, green eyes and looked to be 6 months pregnant. Everyone scanned the menu, and placed their orders. Zac was the last to order.
"I'll just have an order of shrimp and chips." He decided.
Mandy looked puzzled, "Pardon?"
"He means the prawn and chips." Isaac corrected.
*****
Zac pushed his food around on his plate. Everyone was animatedly talking, not paying attention to him. They were discussing the next stop on the trip, Tokyo. Zac didn't really feel like eating, something was bothering him. He tore a few chips in half, and left them on his plate. A cool ocean breeze blew through the cafe, ruffling the curtains.
"This is really nice." Walker commented.
Everyone agreed.
Zac didn't touch a single bite of food, and this time, no one noticed.
*****
Flying first class was one of the perks of being famous. Besides having a private jet, which the Hansons mostly used in the U.S., first class was the way to travel. Zac got to choose from Playstation, N64 and X Box. Also, they got all the movie channels.
Taylor had the window seat. He had the visor up and was watching the runway lights get smaller and smaller until they disappeared. Ever since Zac's anorexia, he'd been in the spotlight. It made Taylor uneasy. Surely, he wasn't getting jealous of his anorexic brother? But anytime Taylor talked to girls, they were always asking about Zac. And all the fans felt sorry for Zac, and sent him letters, and cards of encouragement. Also the press scrutinized him and Isaac now. Did they also have an eating disorder? Like it was genetic, or something. He thought of the silverchair song, "Ana's Song (Open Fire)" and the lyric from it, "And Ana wrecks your life, Like an anorexia life." It was true not only of the victim, but the family as well.
Zac, on the other hand, felt out of control. He knew what was happening, but he couldn't stop it. It was like the dominoes effect. This disorder of his was eating him alive, literally.
Zac locked himself in the small confinement of the airplane bathroom. He let the tears flow freely when he was in the safety of the four closed walls.
"I'm beginning to hate my life." He muttered. "Why can't I be normal?"
Zac leaned over the small metal sink, and splashed cold water on his face, washing away evidence that he'd been crying. When he returned to his seat, Taylor seemed to be glaring at him.
"What?" Zac asked. Did Taylor know?
"Nothing." He said a little too quickly then faced the window. All he saw was the blackness of the night.
Soon, Taylor would be pushing the visor down as they flew into the "Land of the Rising Sun."
*****
Zac pulled a neon green Paul Frank T-shirt, with the monkey emblem on the front, over his head. He dug through his suitcase and pulled out dark blue baggy cargo shorts, along with his black combat boots.
"Rhonda will so not let you get away with wearing that" Taylor said of their newest stylist.
Zac stuck his tounge out at Taylor's back as he walked away.
"I'll wear what I want." He muttered.
On the set, getting ready for a Tokyo morning show interview, Isaac and Taylor passed Rhonda's test.
However, she argued with Zac to change.
"No." He said firmly. "I like Paul Frank clothes."
"Why did you hire me?!" She asked, exasperated.
"I didn't hire you." He retorted. "The label did."
She threw her hands up in the air, "I give up!"
Zac smirked as she walked away.
"Zac, " Isaac walked up to his brother, eating a pastry. "The caterers are here."
"I ate already." He lied.
Isaac furrowed a brow, "When?"
"Uh, on the uh, plane." Another lie.
The actual set contained a couch for the guys to sit on, and two stools for the interviewer, and translator.
They asked the usual questions and the guys gave typical answers. We do it for the love of music, blah, blah, blah. All the same. Zac's eyelids began to get heavy. Taylor was sitting in the middle next to Zac with his legs crossed. Zac hated it when Taylor did that. But the girls loved it for some reason. Taylor was wearing a tight, black muscle shirt and skin-tight brown leather pants. Zac's head started to fall and he jerked it back up quickly. He concentrated on Isaac now, who was closer to the interviewer. Isaac was wearing a blue button up shirt over comfortable khakis. Zac's eyelids got heavier and he felt a sharp elbow in his side, jolting him awake. He glared at Taylor who mouthed 'Stay awake'.
However, Zac poured all of his concentration into his drumming when they performed their new single.
*****
Zac cut through the cool pool water. That evening he was swimming laps around the hotel pool. The stress of the day left his body as he rounded the corners.
"Zac!!" Ashley tried getting Zac's attention, but of course he had in earplugs. He waited until Zac got close, and reached down and grabbed his arm. Zac held onto the side of the pool, and pulled his earplugs out.
"Your dad's getting a pizza. It'll be ready in 20 minutes." Ashley said.
"Uh, I'm going out to eat by myself tonight." He said. "I feel more like sushi rolls tonight, seeing as how we're in Japan and all."
Once again, Zac found himself in another lie.
"You sure?" Ashley asked. Personally, he liked pizza better.
"Yeah, I worked up a big appetite swimming."
The truth was, Zac no longer had an appetite. Food was bad, it was poison for his body. If Zac would only purify his body of these poisons, he wouldn't be so chubby.
*****
Walker got a bad feeling when Ashley reported what Zac had said.
"You don't think he's 'sick' again, do you?" Walker asked, "I mean, when does Zac turn down pizza for sushi rolls?"
Ashley shrugged, "He seemed pretty genuine to me."
*****
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