this is tough love ~ a zac fanfiction
re-arranged
Zac laid back in the hot bath. He felt so tense the past few days of the promo tour, and the bath was very relaxing. They were in L.A. and had a nice hotel suite, as usual. Everything was perfect. Or so Zac thought.
In the next room Walker and Ashley were talking with Taylor and Isaac. They decided not to call Diana and worry her yet.
"You've guys have noticed a change in Zac, right?" Walker asked.
"Oh yeah."Taylor said. "Just the other day I asked him where the hair dryer was and he freaked out on me. He started yelling about how he didn't keep up with everything. The only other time he was like this was before he went to the hospital the last time."
"Have you guys noticed as well the black rings under his eyes?" Isaac pointed out.
Walker rubbed his forehead. "I thought he was doing so well."
"So, what are we going to do now?" Isaac asked.
"I'm thinking something more long-term than a few nights in the hospital and therapy every week." Walker said.
"And I'm thinking you guys shouldn't talk about me behind my back." Zac said. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and was standing, dripping wet behind them.
"Zac, " Walker said. "We're just concerned about you."
"I'm fine." He said. "I'm eating as much as I can get my hands now."
Taylor noticed goosebumps forming on Zac's arms.
"Cold, Zac?" He asked.
"Well, I heard my name mentioned, so I jumped out of the bath and came in here. I didn't have time to put on my clothes, but now that you mention it, yes I am."
Zac disappeared into the bathroom to put on his clothes.
He let the water out of the bathtub, and slipped his pants on. He combed his hair and put on his shirt. Zac was looking at his face in the mirror, when he noticed the comb. There had to be a hundred strands of hair wrapped around the comb. He knew that a hundred was normal hair loss in one day, but one hour? He quickly pulled the hair out of the comb, and flushed it down the toilet.
He pulled the scales out from under the sink and stood on it. It flashed in red digital numbers: 114.
He was, in his mind, 14 pounds overweight, even though he used to weigh 160 pounds. He had lost his muscles that once, he'd been so proud of. He had become tall and skinny. But he still saw the flaws.
"I do eat." Zac muttered to himself as he put the scales back in the cabinet under the sink. He wasn't stupid, he didn't want to die. The other morning he'd had half of a muffin, and still felt a little guilty. That wasn't going to make him reach his goal any quicker. He couldn't believe that he'd actually been down to 90 when he got admitted to the hospital. They made him gain a lot of it back.
His therapist, Dr.Walston had an immediate session scheduled with him once they got back to Tulsa in a few days. She would've came with the boys on the promo, but she had other clients that needed her too, so she kept in contact with Zac via internet and cell phone. Of course, he told her all about the 'three course' meals he was eating. More like a few crackers one day, half a muffin the next.
The next morning, they were leaving to New York, their last spot on the promo tour. Zac didn't tell anyone about the incident with the comb. He was too scared. Did that mean he was dying? What if this disease is killing him? He didn't know the answer and that's what scared him.
They were on the flight from L.A. to New York.
"What's wrong?" Taylor asked looking at Zac's clothing. "It's not that cold out."
Zac looked at what he was wearing. A baggy sweatshirt over a long sleeved T-shirt. He was wearing long johns under his baggy blue jeans.
The flight attendant interrupted before Zac could answer, much to his relief.
"Which breakfast would you like?" She asked.
"What are the choices, again?" Taylor asked.
"Southwestern quiche or cereal and toast." She said, looking over her cart.
"Quiche." Taylor said. The flight attendant handed Taylor his plate.
"And to drink?" She asked politely.
"Orange juice. Oh, and milk too please." He said. He was arranging his plate on his tray and making room for his milk and o.j.
"And you?" She asked Zac.
Zac glanced at Taylor, who was staring intently at him, waiting on him to choose.
"I just want a glass of water." He said.
Taylor looked disapprovingly at his brother. He could feel the eyes of his dad, Ashley and Isaac on the back of his head. They were all waiting on him.
"Do you have any fruit?" Zac asked.
"Yes." She answered pleasantly. "Frozen peaches in a cup."
"In syrup?" He asked, horrified at the content of sugar in one of those cups.
"Yes, I think so." She picked up one of the cups and read the ingredients on the lid.
"Let me see." Zac said. He took the cup from her.
"Ew." He said. "Too much sugar. I should write a complaint to whoever manufactures this stuff. Peaches are supposed to be good for you, not damaging to your health."
He dropped the cup back on her cart.
"Don't you have any fresh fruit?" He asked.
"I could bring you an apple. Or a banana."
"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" He asked, "An apple will suffice."
"I will bring it to you in a second." She said.
She went to the people in front of them.
"Zac, do you know how bad that looks?" Taylor asked. "Here you go obsessing over food again and yet you're adamantly denying you have a problem."
"Would you just leave me alone?!?" Zac yelled.
"I can't. I'm your brother." He said.
"And yet you still don't trust me." Zac said as he sipped on his water.
Walker came up and sat next to Zac.
"What are you two arguing about up here? Please don't tell me I have to sit right up here with you guys and chaperone you guys." He said.
"Nothing, Dad. Just a difference in opinions." Zac said. "We're over it now."
Zac smiled sweetly at his dad. Taylor hated the way Zac would be ill one minute, then sweet and innocent the next.
"Ask Zac what he's having for breakfast, Dad." Taylor said. The sweet and innocent smile melted off of Zac's face as he glared at Taylor.
By this time, the flight attendant brought Zac his apple.
"Here's the apple you requested." She said. "Can I get you anything else?"
"Can I have some more water?" Zac asked.
"I'll bring it right to you." She said, then disappeared to the back of the plane.
Zac bit into the apple.
"What's wrong with eating an apple for breakfast?" Zac asked.
"Because we're used to seeing you eat a lot more for breakfast." Walker said.
"Well, Dad, I've reached a more mature point in my life now, and I think I should have mature eating habits." He explained.
Walker shook his head, "No, Zac there's a difference in mature eating habits and distorted eating habits."
"What?!" Zac asked in shock.
"I think you have a distorted view on what's healthy eating habits." Walker said.
"Don't say you're against me too, Dad. Taylor is giving me a hard enough time as it is." Zac said.
"I'm not against you, Zac. I love you." Walker took his seat behind Zac.
"So, she's gonna be there?" Isaac asked his father in a hushed whisper.
"Oh yeah. She's going to be there all right. We just might have to put Hanson on hold for the time being." Walker whispered back.
"Whatever. As long as Zac gets healthy again." Isaac said.
*****
The plane descended down to John F. Kennedy International Airport. Everyone except for Zac only knew what was really going to happen in New York. Walker called Dr.Walston the night before, and arranged a flight for her from Tulsa to New York so she could be there before they landed. She was going to have a meeting with Zac to see if he was still suffering anorexia nervosa.
Zac was obsessing over an interview they were doing for a VH1 show. When the plane safely landed the Hanson clan each grabbed their own carry-ons.
Isaac and Taylor trailed behind Zac, Ashley and their dad.
"So, we're putting the band on hold." Taylor said.
"Yeah, I mean we can't go on without Zac, and he needs serious help." Isaac said.
"A lot of people are going to be mad." Taylor said.
"Let them be mad. I think for the most part, they will understand, and if they don't then we didn't need them anyway."
Taylor looked relunctantly at Isaac.
"This isn't going to be easy." Taylor said.
"I never said it would be." Isaac replied.
As Zac walked through the terminal, he began to recognize his therapist, sitting in the lobby.
"Dr. Walston?" Zac asked. "What are you doing here?"
He began to back away from her. He began to get the impression that this was a set-up; like they were trapping him. He began to get panicked.
"Hi, Zachary." She said, standing up. "I've been hearing interesting things about you."
He looked nervously towards his dad.
"Zac, we've all been discussing it, and we think you should have a chat with Dr. Walston." Walker said.
"NO!!" He yelled. "No more doctors, no more hospital!"
He turned and began quickly walking in the opposite direction.
"I've got him." Ashley said, and took off jogging towards Zac.
"Zac! Wait." Ashley caught up with him. "Just give Dr.Walston your side of the story. Your family is worried. That's all. You scared them the last time, surely you can understand how they feel. Just tell Dr.Walston the truth."
"But they're right!" Zac said, sounding exasperated. "Everyone's right. I have a problem."
He threw his carry-on down and sat on top of it. Ashley squated down next to Zac.
"Everyone's mad." Zac said.
"No. Not at all, Zac." Ashley said. "We just want to get you the help you need."
"I overheard someone talking on the L.A. set how I was just doing this for attention. Ashley, I'm not in control anymore. Besides, there are plenty of other things I could do to get attention."
"I know, Zac, and I'm sorry you heard whatever it was that you heard, and whoever said that doesn't understand." Ashley said.
"Will you join the others now?"
Zac slowly nodded his head.
Dr. Walston got permission from the hotel they were staying at to use their conference room to talk to Zac privately.
"I admited it." Zac said. "Now what?"
Dr.Walston handed him a brochure. Zac flipped through it.
"It's called Camp Love. It's a 6 week program teaching you how to love yourself and loving others. It's for people with all kinds of disorders. You will have a certified councelor there who will work with you everyday. If you need a longer amount of time, it is allowed. You can go for a whole year if you want."
"Six weeks is enough for me." He shuddered at the thought of being away from friends and family and his music for a whole year.
"Your family is permitted visits every Sunday." Dr. Walston said. "I've discussed this with your parents already, and they said if you are willing, then so are they."
"But we have a tour in less than two weeks." He said.
"Your health comes first, Zac." Dr.Walston said. "Your brothers understand."
Zac nodded his head. He was deep in thought.
"Zac, did you know that you can die from this disease?" She asked.
Zac looked nervously at his fingernails.
"I never really thought about it." He muttered.
"Last year, an ex-client of mine died from kidney failure due to her struggle with anorexia nervosa. That's why I'm trying to reach out to you, Zac. I care about you too much, and I don't want you to die."
*****
Diana and Walker went with Zac to his room, that he shared with a room-mate. Walker helped him carry his bags.
"We'll be here as soon as we can on Sunday." Walker said as he set Zac's bags on his bed.
"Yes, honey, and we'll be here every Sunday after that." Diana said, she hugged Zac.
"When can I go on tour?" Zac asked impatiently.
"Concentrate first on getting better." Diana said. "Then we'll discuss it."
"Oh! I almost forgot!" Walker handed Zac a black 5 subject notebook and a packet of lead pencils. "Taylor and Isaac said you might want this in case you come up with song ideas."
"Thanks." He said. He layed them on top of his new chest of drawers.
Diana and Walker stood in the doorway.
"I'm okay." Zac said. "I'll see you Sunday."
Diana and Walker took turns giving him a hug. Diana kissed his cheek.
"Remember, you can write to us anytime you want to." Diana said.
"C'mon, " Walker said, "Let's let him get unpacked."
"I have a good feeling about this place." Diana said as she and Walker walked towards the parking lot.
"Me too." Walker said. They got into their green Chrysler Town & Country. Walker pulled away from the parking lot and Diana watched in the mirror as Camp Love disappeared out of sight.
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