Diary,

I had to get out of there, I had to leave. Reminders of dad were all over the place. So I’m at Merrick’s, until I find somewhere to settle. I left school, I just didn’t go back on Monday. I couldn’t go back. So many questions that I would’ve had to answer. Well, maybe not a lot, but one big one. And I just wouldn’t have been able to answer it. Even if I could, more than one person would have asked. They would all know. Ewan said they announced it on parade, but they didn’t know I wasn’t there. Apparently everyone was asking for me. Ewan’s brought over a pile of letters from friends and teachers. There’s even one from the principal.

The police returned dad’s things from his car – his jacket, his briefcase and mobile phone, and his wallet. The message I’d left on the mobile wasn’t on there, it had been wiped. By dad? Had he maybe heard me for the last time? Then he would have known I was at Merrick’s. Maybe he was happy we were together. Maybe he didn’t have enough time to think that before he died. The policeman said ‘on impact’. I hope it was, then it wouldn’t have been painful. I hope they didn’t lie, I hope he wasn’t alive while they tried to cut him out of the wreckage. Was there a wreckage? Or was dad just killed cleanly? I don’t understand these expressions, or situations. I just feel so lonely, all the time. Merrick’s around twenty-four hours a day, it feels like I’m bound to him. I think I’ll go into the city, though. Tomorrow. Just for a walk. Oh no, dad’s funeral’s tomorrow. Maybe the next day, then.