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hey kid
9.4.04
Listening to:
Mood: Drunkend
so i am writing this while drinking some mike's hard cranberry lemonade because i know that i wont likely remember this tomorrow. So brian kissed me on wednesday i'll just come out and say that. it was good. he apologized yet kept kissing me. so its been awkward at work. and its like it never happened thats always nice. WE drove together yesterday and today
that was nice too. wow tomorrow i will tell him to come home with me. i would have today but i didnt because he was giving his brother a ride home. you remember daryll. yeah well him. so yeah. i went to wal-mart today and followed brian around housewares.then he walked me to my car.that was nice of him. we leaned against my car and then he told me where he lived. i tried calling him earlier because imelda wanted him to come over and drink but he wasnt home yet..he said he was going to winco to buy beer. he loves guinness. but yeah i am losing control of my hands now..i have to go bye.
to hell with you and all your friends
8.19.04
Listening to: taking back sunday
WOw..what a week. All those back to school kids are back and meaner than ever. I didnt have breaks as i usually do yesterday because it was packed with angry mothers and their fresh young adults starting college on monday. It wasnt all too bad yesterday because i got an unexpected visit from brian. It was his day off but he dropped by to buy some soap and stayed awhile talking about his lonesome. He lives alone so it must be very lonely.WE make jokes that we talk to ourselves and have invisble friends. I love talking to him becasue we laugh. It is two days until i move into my apartment and it'll be great.. It'll be strange for a while because i wont have my brother and sisters to fight with, but i'll make due. I'm not going to have the internet for a while so i will be writing from the lab at school. I have a feeling that living alone will be quite an adventure. I spent 100 bucks on six shirts which was awesome. Some people don't understand that spoiling yourself is fun. And another thing, I dont really like when people try to act all high and mighty by saying things about your spending habits and the way your life is going to be away from home. Those people need to know that you learn by your mistakes and that whatever i decide to do is my business and no one else's i dont care how long i've known you.
resistance
7.04
Listening to: suicide machines-i never promised you a rose garden
so i went to my apartment to show my friend and becasue imelda had to bring some things. Her boyfriend and her sister came. I knew it was going to be an awkward day because imelda's sister and her don't really take to people like my friend. I knew it was on the moment my friend dissed imeldas little broom i could tell by the look on imeldas sisters face that she wanted to beat someone down. It got even when worse when marlene and imeldas boyfriend went to smoke in imeldas room. I know how uptight my friend is and i could sense what was going to happen when she started overreacting and saying that the fumes were too strong. First of all when they started you couldnt smell anything it wasnt until they started opening the door that it started to smell. ANd i'm not defending imeldas people but you could be a little discreet about it. She didnt start to bug me until she started like trying to lecture me and tell me that they were going to do that all the time and if i was going to let them. I personally dont care what they do. I was telling my cousin this story the other day and she started laughing and said good at least she wont be over there all the time. It was funny the other day when imelda wanted me to go to her city and i was like oh well i might take my friend with me and and she was like oh umm vanessa dont bring her unless you really have too and only if like her house burns down or something..I thought that was kinda funny. I guess you cant have both of them in the same room because my friend will bring up imeldas sexual stuff and well imelda wont mind but yeah that would be a situation. I know that my friend is a little too uptight and stuff.and that is how she is..it's even worse now that she has a "boyfriend" who is equally as eh as her. I dont have to be friends with him and thank goodness and my friend..weelll i guess everyone needs a friend like that. Another one for the journal.
I don't understand why boys want to be more than friends
7.20.04
Listening to: Frankie goes to hollywood-relax
Hola my dear friend. It seems i've been awol for a few days and that is because i am fixing everything for when i move into my apartment in four weeks. So far i have shower curtains and bath stuff and kitchen stuff. My parents are buying me my bed which is nice..Anyway on to the good stuff some strange and awkward things have been going on at work. The friends i have made are all very nice and awesome..but it's weird when they start hitting on you. Oh yes. i have to say that i now know what it is like to get hit on because before i wasnt sure if i was being hit on when someone hit on me but now i am positive that all those times it was happening. My friend brock who i thought was just my friend started getting too friendly..he started making up nicknames for me and at first they were funny and stuff but then they started being things like "QT" because i like quentin tarantino but the way he said it like i dont know it was odd. then i told him i didnt like that name and he was like okay i'll keep working on it and he came up to me and was like hey what are u doing after work and i was like well i am going home and sleeping because i get off at 1145pm and he was like well do you want to maybe...and i was like what.. and then he asked me if i wanted to go over to his apartment and watch a movie and i looked at him like ummm..no. and then i felt bad because at the moment i didnt know what he was trying to say but then realized it and i was just like awhh..oh well. i'm trying to convince myself that it was just a friendly gesture and not more. And yesterday i realized that darryl was doing the same he works in the garden center and there is no need for him to take the time and walk all the way from the garden center to my register and ask me where something goes. It was kinda nice. darryl is quite the looker with his glasses and all although it kinda freaks me out when he takes them off and looks exactly like his brother brian because they are twins. I'm glad darryl moved to working nights because that means i will see him more and his brother which will be twice the fun. Speaking of this is a lonely week for me at work because brian went on vacation with his girlfriend for the week and we wont get to laugh about my accident prone self and his happy face hand. I like talking to him because he is nice and helping him decode the things that his girfriend does. If he didnt have a girlfriend i would like him more. so yeah the end.
He read in a book that the world is continually spinning and felt dizzy for a whole week
7.08.04
Listening to: Something corporate-walking by
Looking throughout this journal it surprises me that i haven't discussed imelda in any one of the entries. That is odd seeing as she will be my new roomate and i got my daily dose of laughs from her while we were at school. Imelda is a what you call not all there person..the only thing that she is there for is sex with her boyfriend. And believe me she talks about this all the time. So last night i called her and she answers the phone quickly and says "i have to go i am busy"..so i'm like eww reallly loud in the break room and brock looks at me like oh it was that friend and he kinda knows what i was going eww about because i told him about imelda and he told me about his dirty friend that has girls call him cowboy while they are taking a shower.hmmm..This entry has taken an odd turn. So anyway, imelda later leaves me a voicemail saying "vanessa, you called me while i was going to start doing it..okay bye" SOoo. I have just one question why do you leave your phone on while you are going to start having sex? and why would you share the fact that you are going to have sex? This morning she calls me and tells me that she is sore because she did it again earlier today. It will be very interesting living with her in august.
all of the dirt and plants and stars were being so noisy that it was hard for her to read
7.06.04
Listening to: Bright Eyes-false advertising
In the past couple of weeks i have developed an unhealthy relationship with reality televison. I've been watching last comic standing because it makes me laugh, The real world san diego which is now over with but i loved, i'm starting to get into watching the new road rules but not really, For love or money which is also over now but will start again next monday with a new twist. oooo i am soo glad he picked the blond girl instead of the dirty whory brown haired one rachel. And today i started watching the new big brother. which is rather weird because i dont normally watch big brother or have ever seen a season, but this season seemed so intriguing because someone in the house was related to someone else in the house and they didnt know. Ahhhhh. What is it about these people that is sooo interesting?
You want to know who i really am..yeah so do I, Yeah so do I..
6.29.04
Listening to: Saves the day-See me
If there was a time of day that i would love for it to be all the time, that time would be dusk. Last night while i was driving home from work i saw the most beautiful sunset ever. Sure people say that it's just pollution, but how can something so pretty be just pollution. It was an amazing drive as I drove down the road by yellow sunflowers covered in a reddish glow. If only my digital camera hadn't mysteriously broken, I would have taken a breathtaking picture. That's what i love about living in california, the sunset and sunrise. On a side note i love working where i work. Last night me and Billy the CSM were whistling the song in Kill Bill. It was great. It caught on real fast and soon enough everyone was whistling..Well everyone that knew it.
So I guess that I will get another head and then get on with my life and leave you somewhere beneath the waves of time....
6.26.04 10:32PM
Listening to: Saves the day-See me
It has been the greatest bestest most splendid friday and saturday ever. I went to work yesterday for my 6:45pm to 11:15 shift. I was thinking i was going to be sooo bored but no it turned out otherwise. Me, lynette, jess, and about everyone else in the breakroom had an intersting conversation about the sunflowers and the sunset. We all laughed at Jess's crazy antics. Then i was putting away returns and meeting the very nice overnight people that seem to be desperate for interaction. I stopped and helped my friend Carl in foods and asked him why wal-mart only sold jelly in a squeezeable bottle and that that was outragious. He just smiled and said "well vanessa you have interesting questions that brighten my day and i like the way you think and now i am in a jumble over this. But i will get back to you when i know." SO then on to the dreaded housewares dept. where i was sure i would find brian. Sure enough i hear "ello, ello."and out pops brian from behind a stack of tubs. WE chatted about his my shift and then i told him i was going on my break and he said it was time for him to take his too. SO we walked to the breakroom and he treated me to a pop tart out of the snack machine. Fun times..but it gets better. Wal-mart was so slow that i got to go home earlier..but then Jess was like hey lets go do something and i was like but i have to work tomorrow at 11 and she said enjoy life while you can and do whatever you feel like and i said sure. So I went we went to denny's where i swear it was the most hilarious denny's outing i had ever been too. Jess got some blue baloons and sucked the helium out and was walking around singing to celine dion from the jukebox and spitting out lines from willy wonka and the chocolate factory....i was about to seriously pee my pants i was laughing so hard i couldnt breathe and thought what a way to go out that would be. Soo yeah fun times..ANd today during our lunch we went to subway and she told me that after i left she went on a date with her girlfriend and that they danced to frank sinatra musak by the fountain shaped like a boob at tinseltown..I was like awe. Jess is a cool person and i am glad she is my new friend. She talks about how everyone is a dick and that you just have to deal with it. TOday i was also invited to a party at Nina's apartment but i have to work tomorrow at 10:30 which means i have to get up at 8:00am...ahh..It'll be fun times tomorrow though and i am currently planning to surround myself with people that are fun and not boring. Speaking of not boring and fun i talked to jess about imelda and she loves her already..i think these will be everlasting friendships. "I love me, Cause i am worry free".and people that make a big deal over nothing are stupid especially if you dont know me.
She thinks that she can fly and she might....
6.23.04 12:34AM
Listening to: Rilo Kiley-It's a Hit
Do you ever have one of those days where your mind just goes off and wonders about things such as what if we were robots or what would happen when the end of history happens? Well I guess not everyone has these ideas its times like these when i miss talking to edward about these things. We had such wonderful conversations and he actually thought that i should become a psychologists or philosopher like him. I realized the other day that i dont want to make my thoughts a career or read other peoples actions. I do it because it's something to do. The other day at work the boy named Ashley asked me what it was that i was majoring in and that set me off into thinking about what i wanted to be. I hate when people ask you questions about yourself and you just have to go on and think about it without really knowing. So I stood there thinking about it and nothing all i know is that i want to be comfortable.
YOu are my cashier of choice....
6.22.04 12:47AM
Listening to: Saves the day-Certain Tragedy
so today was a wonderful day. I find it funny how i enjoy going to work and not dreading every second i am there. Contrary to beliefs, Wal-mart is the best job in the world and according to Brian, if i ever leave i will be wrapped in plastic and dragged on the floor by my legs. Aah Brian. Such a nice feller. Getting back to my day part. YEah it was wonderful because right when i got to work i was standing by my register and down the aisle comes walking Chris conley from saves the day. That was great i wished him a happy day and he said you too and i didnt realize it was him until he had walked out the door. I recognized his eyes and his glasses from when i met him at a show in may.TAlk about weird. Yeah so according to brian i was promoted today to customer greeter by the doors. Not the best job in the world if you don't particularily like to talk to people. Especially mean people. But yeah take my word for it dear friend today and yesterday were great days.
Stop the world...i want to get off....
6.17.04 1:30AM
Listening to: The cure-Just like heaven
I need to learn something new. I've been thinking about learning how to play the piano or keyboard so that i can have my one person keyboard band...that would be fun. Isn't Jimmy Neutron addicting. I love watching that show. I dont think i can go a day without his crazy genius antics. I want him to be my friend.
It's the bonus round....
6.13.04 1:12AM
Listening to: the birds chirping outside of my window
I wonder what it's like for the people that live on the street or the park.Where do they go when it rains, where do the females take care of their personal situations?. I wonder this because the other day i found out that my friend stephanie lives as a homeless person in a park in san francisco. I get why she did it. Simply because its her. The thing that i dont understand is why if her parents are super rich and give her everything she would choose to live homeless in a park. But then again you would think that it was some act of nobelness..but no not with her. She usually did things because she wanted people to think that she was "it" the epitome of all that was "it".....
And the winner is....
6.13.04 1:02AM
Listening to: the birds chirping outside of my window
Its been five months since i last wrote and it is sad. The bittersweet winter has gone and it is now the beginning of that sweet summer. I seem to have skipped right over spring, kicked it aside like a lonely step-child. I seem to be in a very mellow mood right now, it's probably my white mocha soy drink. Aw yes soy..the very mention of that word makes others shutter..but not me. Soy milk is what keeps me alive..and i just wrote three sentences about soy. HOw very sad.
Waiting for the darkness to fade...
Or..1.23.04 6:30PM
Listening to:The Cure's ALbum Galore
Today while looking through some of my pictures i realized that my long time friend has only been one person. We've been friends since we were five and she's the only one that hasn't gotten tired of my indecisiveness. Maybe its because we are the same. Lately I realized that you don't need anyone else but the friends that you do have. You don't need to think about what people that you barely know think about you. It's not about how many new friends you have or make, but about the friends that you have that care about you and help you.
Maybe I should just listen..1.23.04 6:22PM
Listening to:The Cure's album Galore
I have discovered that the eleventh of every month is the worst day ever. Of course that incident on sept 11, then famous peoples death, and now my dog scruffy.(r.i.p)I don't know what it is about that day, but i don't like it. There are so many things that i wish i could have done to stop my dog from dying, but how was i supposed to know that the hug i gave him the night before was the last. I wish i was a psychic and could fortell the future and stop horrible things from happening. My parents said that they would get me a knew dog but i don't want one. I want my old dog back. It's not like you can just replace someone you've know for five years and that has been your friend for another dog. It takes time.
Maybe you'll burn tomorrow..12.11.03 11:10PM
Listening to:Bright Eyes
It's been a while since i've written in you my dear. I missed you terribly. Needing someone to talk to, someone to comfort me. So nothing has happended lately and i am still debating whether i will go to school tomorrow or not. Pondering. I worry. But don't care. Totally different subject. I do worry about people and whats going on but i've never liked being all confrontational and sappy. I think i might be bi-polar. hmmmm. So yeah i always wonder why other people don't care about themselves but then i think why do i care i'm not then. Then again i do worry and wonder. I hate not talking to people because my mind tends to wonder off and come to conclusions of its own. I hate thinking that people don't like me and that some people think that i'm stuck up just because i'm not a big talker. Well Fuck them I say.
Freaky icky..10.27.03 10:48PM
Listening to:Death Cab For Cutie
These past couple of days have been like a freakin roller coaster ride. The very thought of thinking about it gives me a headache. I don;t know..why is my life so fuckin screwed. If people would stop "frontin" or whatever and look around them they would realize how good they have it. Me on the other hand appear to be at ease most of the time and am probably the most sane one of them ever. ALthough i do recall the time i had that nervous breakdown and am now a sorry excuse for a joke for my unsensitive, and uncaring family. Seriously, I don;t see how people whine and cry about their problems by airing it out to the whole world. I choose to keep mine bottled up nice and tight inside this invisible jar. One day i would like to come home and be asked about my day or if i'm okay. Rather than come home at 6:00PM and be asked why the hell i was late?!! and then be told oh you don't go to school all you do is probably just give people rides everywhere and pay for their meals or just not do anything and be lazy. The utter thought of coming home everyday and listening to all that crap makes me not want to not come home at all. I'm really pissed right now.
When Emo kids cry..9.30.03 11:00PM
Listening to: nothing....
hmmm...so i got D on my communications test..not to shabby ..seeing as i didn't study. so..today while looking at peoples profiles on community websites..i noticed that there are a lot of sad people in the world..Everyone is all so emotional. They start their profile with something like "in the darkness i wait waiting for a hand to hold me" and what not. What the fuck? I don't know. I don't know..maybe they are just trying to impress someone? Make someone feel fucking sorry for them? The world may never know..Take for example today..I went on website of some guy called imsoemo.com. right then i was like what the fuck is this..It's the website of a fucking guy that's saying how emo he is and what "styles" of emo there are..I thought this was pretty fucking hilarious. I mean doesn't everyone feel a little down sometimes..but who in the world can actually admit to feeling sad every single minute of every single day..no one. If they say they do then they are fucking lying.oh and by the way..who would dedicate a site on how emo they are. A stupid moron that's who. Maybe he was just trying to be "Kool" by declaring his emoness. I'll admit that i too have written some stuff like this..but that's just how i feel the day that i write it. I don't feel like that everyday.Everyone has their moods. i may also listen to what some people may call"emo" music..but what the fuck..i listen to a whole other stuff too..i don't like classifying people into specific categories based on what kind of music they listen too...now i'm just rambling...
Take lots with alcohol..9.20.03 1:01AM
Listening to: Pretty Girls Make Graves
It's too fucking quiet around here. TOday i went to the football game only because my brother plays football and made me take him. It was awkward being there. I did not like it. It was just strange. So I am excited because oct 10 the new quentin tarantino movie comes out. KILL BILL. It'll be great that day is also my friends birthday so double shots. So yeah..i went down by the creek today and saw how much trash there was on the ground. I thought of how dirty something so clean can be. I started to think of how the water looks clean, but yet you never know if some bum goes down there and pees in the water or bathes. I've also decided not to attend any of my high school reunions unless i've actually become something or done something truly awesome. Everyone probably says that but i say it just to set a goal for myself. stay cool kids.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach..9.14.03 1:04AM
Listening to:Planes Mistaken For Stars
It's too late. I've turned into an insomniac. Oh.
Cut your head off that's 8 pounds..9.11.03 10:58PM
Listening to:The Lawrence Arms
Everything lately seems like a form of contrition. Everything is atonemtent, it's making things up to everyone else for things that I can't remember doing. It's karma for past apathy and ignorance. blah.go do something.,
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