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Fuck your falsehoods
Death by stereo..9.10.03 10:58PM
Listening to:Death By Stereo
I went to the Death by stereo show with jessica and nissa on monday. That was pretty fucking awesome except for the fact that my camera was being stupid and the band pictures didn't come out. Oh well. So i also bought my Taking back sunday/saves the day ticket. That show will be cool and its in october. SO not much to say..it sucks when theres never anything nice to say..that awkward silence or lack of words to type. What if we couldn't communicate by way of words or sounds..then how would we communicate. I'm sure that there would be a way..but what way would that be...hmmm..
Badasstical..9.4.03 3:26PM
Listening to:Suicide MAchines
Greetings and salutations. Well college hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be. Besides the fact that i waste a hell of a lot of gas to get there. My plans are still set to transfer to somewhere else. Switching it up a bit, the other day i was on messenger and i decided to message my friend erica..so..erica is not all there sometimes and doesn't get the easiest of things...(you are kinda slow, kid. ;)i messaged her and the following conversation is what happened..
.me says:
hello?
ERICA says:
who are you?
me says:
what?:
ERICA says:
who are you?
me says:
umm.who els would it be?
ERICA says:
i don't know
me says:
aren't you erica
ERICA says:
yes ....is this vanessa
me says:
yes..
me says:
?
ERICA says:
prove it ... what's your last name and your dog's name
me says:
this is awkward..i'm scared
ERICA says:
what? are you really vanessa
me says:
duh!
ERICA says:
oh so why didn't you prove it then
me says:
because i thought you were joking
ERICA says:
no I really didn't know who you were
me says:
seriously. couldn't you see my email address
ERICA says:
no it only has your saying
me says:
couldn't you also tell by my picture on the side
ERICA says:
no
ERICA says:
so what did you do today
me says:
i'm in shock
ERICA says:
why
"me says:
because of this whole me not being me thing.
me says:
now i'm confused
ERICA says:
what?
me says:
i don't know
ERICA says:
ur crazy
me says:
now i don't know if this is really ...you
A high altitude at high volumes 8.20.03 11:26PM
Listening to: ....
So. I am back from my short unvoluntary hiatus. My fucking computer shut down because it had..oh...about 200 viruses. yeah. so i haven't been on a computer in a month or so. Today i went and bought my parking permit and my books..$72.00 on the permit and $158.68 cents on the books and i still need two more. School starts on monday..and the first course i have is math..yay.:[..the whole fucking world is made of money..speaking of i get two checks on saturday because i quit burger king today..ahh yess so sad ...i had to pretend i didn't want to go...but yeah it was lame working there and i think that it made me hate everyone more than i already do...that's all for now...adios.
Greed is a bottomless pit 7.22.03 1:11AM
Listening to:
Get my Check on wednesday.YAy.
Now I'm confused is this depth really you..and do these dreams have any meaning? 7.22.03 12:53AM
Listening to:bright eyes
Working at a fast food restaurant certainly does give you a very good perception of various people and about the human life. You encounter various types of people everyday. There are the nice old people that give you tips, the trailer trashy people that look as if they have never encountered a toothbrush, the field workers that don't speak english and try to start a conversation with you and are forced to say "me no speak spanish" to, and the out of towners. My favorite out of the bunch are the out of towners because they are sometimes friendlier than the locals. For example, today a group of very hot looking guys from san Diego came in. They were very talkative and ummmmm nice. I made a total fool of myself and went blank when the nicest looking of the bunch went up to order. And of course as always, I looked ridiculous in my burger king uniform, the hat didn't help at all. He asked me if i was alright and i was like a fool i said what?. anyway i gaver them their order and went to clean tables and they asked me if i wanted to sit with them. so i sat and they said that they were driving from seattle back to san diego and that they were taking pictures of places they had been. They asked if they could take a picture with me because i was embarrassed of my uniform and working at burger king but was doing it for the not so good money or something like that. And so i posed with them and john (one of the guys) wore my hat. Embarrassing times but good moments were spent.
Do you remember what the music meant?....7.18.03 1:11AM
I am soo fucking tired. It makes me sad whenever I think that we are slowly wasting away. If you think about it we are born dead already. I'm barely alive as it is. That didn't make any sense but nothing that I ever say makes sense. I'm off work tomorrow so yay for me. Even though I did miss all last week for that summer bridge stuff. Today someone walked into Burger King and asked me if I enjoyed working at a fast food place. I said that it was money in my pocket and that as long as I got paid i loved it. Then I started thinking if going through what i go through everyday is worth the money. I mean dealing with stupid customers that have to HAVEtheir stupid extra onion or else they'll die. Or mopping the dining room floors just so that i'll have to do it again the next night and the next. Life is so unordinary sometime.
Speakers push the air....7.17.03 1:22AM
I got off work about two hours ago..slooooowwww night it was today. So I went to see pirates of the carribean with my cousins and my friend. We had good times. I am very mucho looking forward to getting my check next week. Yesterday me and Eveyln got all of our Chico State financial stuff done. It feels weird knowing that you are going to be in college and have all of these weird people around you. You've gotten accustomed to the same people for a long time. At the same time change is good and better.
EOP summer Bridge brief....7.013.03 5:53PM
Dang. I just got back from Chico where I stayed for five days at Chico State. We had to go through this orientation. The whole thing was funner than I expected. The highlight was meeting new people.
If you're still free..run away....7.06.03 9:17PM
Yesterday at BK(burger king as some may call it) a couple of guys walked in and i was working the register. The following is the what happened. "Hello my name is justin and i'll be your customer today".."hello, Justin. (me) My name is,(cuts in)...I know..what your name is it says it right on your name tag you're Vanessa...{me)you are correct. What would you like today?(guy named justin)Vanessa....that's such a pretty name.....(me)ummm thank you. (guy named justin)I only want a large coke and .... {guy #2 jumps in}...Dude don't say it.. you'll sound so dumb..(guy named justin) your phone number..(guy #2) NNOOOOO..dude. you just made an ass of yourself..(me)THAT's NICE. (guy named justin) I'm sorry am i moving too fast.(me)*silence*(guy #2)Dude i'm totally sorry about my friend..he's weird...but can we have your phone number..it's just that we've met new people but none have been as nice and you and its really hard to come across a truly genuinely nice person these days. you know. You seemed really cool and all..(me) GOOD TO KNOW. (guy named justin) and I liked your clever one liners earlier.(me)oh.-----------
Anyway that is what goes on a BK...
With arms outstretched...7.05.03 2:40PM
Yesterday was the fourth of july..i remember getting all excited and looking forward to the fireworks when i was smaller..but yesterday it just wasn't the same. I couldn't wait for the fireworks display to be over. I got bored. I kept on looking around the block and how you could barely see the sky. All you could see was colored smoke rising up. That couldn't have been could for our health. Then i kept on thinking on the hundreds of dollars my family spent on the fireworks. So everytime you lit a firework you could actually see the money just burning up. Because in fact that is what we were actually doing...burning money. No one even knew that it was indepencence day. Or they just didn't care.
This book has a binding...7.01.03 1:26AM
Well I finally got to redesigning this thing. I look at it as another way of proving that i have no life. Soo a lot of things have happened since i last wrote here. I graduated and started working at burger king. I also got my first paychech for $153.88. I am very looking forward to the next one. I'll write some more later..I'm too tired now. LAter DAys......
Tomorrow is another day..6.01.03 9:30PM
I got into a fight with my little brother saturday over the controler for PS2. We were playing and he didn't like his and proceeded to take my controller instead. That is when I proceeded to punch him in the face. He threw a shoe at me and hit me in the head. He chased me around the house and then hit me in the head yet again with the door. Then I grabbed a broom and hit him on the nose with it. His nose started to bleed and I got in trouble for it. I tell you people do very strange and violent things over a little object
THE UNTHINKABLE 5.29.03 11:10PM
I am now a member of the workforce. Yes. I did get a job. Finally, after trying and not so trying. It's not great, but at least now I can have money to go places and buy things. Although my job includes flipping them burgers, i still think "money". So i walked into Burger King on sunday and filled out an application. The lady tells me to come back on Monday and to speak with the manger "Maria". Monday, I walk in, and behold, she sits me down and says, "OKAy. I will hire you." The look of shockedness filled my face. I guess that's what it feels like to get a job. So I fill out all this paperwork and take it back the same day. I will start work in two weeks when my tomato red uniform and matching pants get there. I was also trapped into registering to vote outside of wal-mart by some guy that was against the air sprayers messing up our air and was constantly asking me if i wanted free government
Everything is lame5.15.03 9:20AM
SO its is very early, but I was very bored in class. I needed to write stuff. the end
It's hard to laugh when you're depressed :(
5.08.03 9:20PM
So my days of peace and happiness are apparently over. I am back to my state of depression. Maybe it's because there's a lot of crap going on around me. Mainly people are the one's that make me feel this way. Certain people do. The one's you thought were your friends. but out of nowhere trade you in. It's pretty pathetic and I normally would pretend not to care. Lately though it has really been getting to me. Seeing as i am almost done with school is the only part that brings happiness to me. At least I won't get to see the same ol' stupid people that I am really starting to not like. Speaking of, the other day while listening to some of my old friends I came to the conclusion that everyone isn't who they say they are or appear to be. Everyone makes up their own outside appearance to fit in to a "certain" group. When I look at some of the people that I used to be friends with and have cut ties with because of my "state", I realize that they are a bunch of liars. I remember "them" telling me that they hated all "those" people and didn't want to be "those" people and ultimately i see them be those people. I guess deep down I always knew that they wanted to be "those" people by the way that they talked to them occasionaly and then would go back to someone and pretend that they totally hated them. They try so hard to be the "out" crowd that they end up becoming the one's that everyone ends up liking the most. I could probably publish a whole book of lies and things that they have told me about people that they are now "buds" with. A verry good example would be a certain someone that was one of my best friends that recently became friends with the girl that she didn't like because she was one of those. This all changed of course when that girl started going out with someone that my "friend" thought would be of convinence to be friends with. This same person that was my friend now has another friend whom she is everywhere with that she used to call a "man" woman because she had manly features. She probably thought that I forgot but oh no. I remember a lot of things
"You're cool as hell like email,
but still timeless like a letter."
5.06.03 8:20PM;
Reading Vonnegut sure makes you all weirded. Currently watching FAMILY GUY on cartoon network.
Happiness is like peeing your pants...
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
5.05.03 7:20PM;
At peace once again. That's two weeks in a row. Stangely enough. The new Yeah Yeah Yeahs CD(or not so new) has been jammed in my cd player everyday since i got it. Good sounds that one. My current misson in life is to get a polaroid camera. Not much going on. Maybe I should talk about my saturday night trip to the movies/arcade. E-rica, my brother. and me went to the movies to watch whatever was on. Personally, I wanted to watch HOLES because that funny looking kid from that show on Disney is in it. I drove and it was pouring. Driving in the rain sucks especially at night. We walked in and ended up watching MALIBU's MOST WANTED which wasn't bad. We fought some old guy for a motorcycle in the arcade and when he left we proceeded to pick up the loose change he conveniently dropped. All in all, it was a good time after words we went to TACO BELL where they were really nice and polite. This prompted me to write a nice thank you note and demanding that they give Robert(the TACO BELL crew member) a raise. I then sparked a conversation with the nice fellow and told him that i had gotten an application for the TACO BELL in Orland. He persuaded me not to because "IT SUCKS LIKE HELL". I said "oh" and we left
UTTERLY BORING ON THIS SIDE 4.24.03 11:20PM
I am strangely at peace for the moment.
I feel that if I go to sleep right now, that it might somehow perserve this tranquility. My senior project presentation was today..so maybe that's why. It feels like a great sack of something was just been lifted off my back. It's stupid really. The whole senior project thing. You work and you stress over some lame-o project that will probably turn out like shit, just to do a ten minute presentation and not be appreciated. ehhh. I am fine right now. THis is good. I wrote in the writings today.hmmm...Today I realized something, people are as self centered as i thought. Even more probably. Soooo I have decided to write about the crazy anntics done by those indivduals in a new section that will start. That will bring lots of joy to me,oh yes. Maybe I'll give those people names other than their real ones to preserve their identities.
This may upset you.
Your life is not a movie. You are not the lead role. You are not cleverly posed on a promotional poster, right above the three word title. While you are alive, you do not have someone following you around from behind, directing you what to do, you don’t have a script to follow.
Oh yess.. it will be good.
THE SPRING BREAK: 4.13.03 12:42 PM
Everyone sucks. It was a very lame day. It is very late
A BUNCH OF RAMBLING......
AND A WHOLE LOTTA MORE RAMBLING: 4.08.03 8:19 P.M
So I just finished ready Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle. It was rather interesting i must say. This was a good book and the first that i wasn't bored with. I read Candide which was interesting. Funny. I Finally fished working on the Orland High School Art site. It looks stupid, but maybe no one will notice. It's really boring here, but i guess it always is. I have been trying to avoid a call from the "melinda" at the Art Institute of San Francisco. Not that I don't want to go, but i'm just all mixed up. I actually think that she was trying to pity me into going to the school. I don't know. So that's about all for today. Have to get going on. Interesting conversation heard today about the color yellow. Which led me to think of yellowcard, which then led me to think about the show, which then led me to think that it was April 14, which then led me to remember that i couldn't go because i had no car. Which then again put me in a very uncomfortable mood. And it goes on and on and on.....speaking of San Francisco, a couple of days ago that's where i went for the CSF trip. It was alright actually it was pretty fucking interesting and there will be some pictures posted up soon from the trip. AAAWWWW fffffffuuuuuuuunnnnnnn ttttttiiiiiimmmmmmmeeeeesssss.
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