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this skit donated by -- dizzy_and_jaded@hotmail.com (Jo Kett)
ORGY: TRAPED IN INSANITY
SCENE: Deserted Island after a plane crash has downed Orgy, Limp Bizkit, and
Korn. Subsequently, 3 members of Limp and 2 of Korn perish, along with most
of Orgy's makeup. Now, all 5 members of Orgy and the two surviving members
of Limp Bizkit, Fred and Wes, come to face reality. The three surviving
members of Korn- David, Jon and Munky- are out getting supplies from the
downed plane.
RYAN: Where's my beer?
JAY:What in the f.u.c.k do you mean? We're stranded here, MOOOOOOTHER F U C
K I N G STRAAAANNNDEDDDDDDD
AMIR:Come on guys, things could be worse.
RYAN: Dude, how could things be worse wheres my beer my precious beer!!!!!!
(bobby grabs a rock and hits ryan in the the head knocking him out)
JAY: Thanks dude
BOBBY: No problem
JAY: So, what are we seriously going to do here? What are we gonna
dooooooooo?
My eyeliner smeared nooo I need my vodka dude no no no
(jay starts shaking uncontrollably and curls up into a little ball)
PAIGE: Calm down, Jay Jay. Remember- we did have a 747. And remember
luggage?
FRED DURST (dizzy and jaded in the background): Whoa, what happened?
(Jay leaps up, remembering the 5 bottles of Absolut still in his overhead
compartments)
JAY: OH, YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Amir finds some berries. Unsure of Orgy's safety, he has Fred try them
out.)
AMIR: Breakfast is served, if these berries are safe.
JAY: Can I get some Absolut with that?
AMIR: Sure, but we need to test out the berries first. Fred, would you do
the honors?
FRED (still out of it):Why, of course. Mmmmmmm, Ack, Noooooo!
(Fred dies in pain. Wes, obviously high, protests.)
WES BORLAND: You killed my BROTHER!
AMIR: He's not your brother, he's your singer, now, you're the star!
WES: Ohhhh, yeah. All Riiiiight!
(Jon & Munky from Korn stroll into the scene, beer, vodka, clothes & other
supplies on hand.)
JON DAVIS: We're stranded, I think.
JAY: Oh really? Hey, guys, did you know we're stranded?
BOBBY: Don't mind Jay. He's a little deprived, he needs new eyeliner. And a
mirror, blush, nail polish…
(Bobby rambles on)
JAY: Who took my eyeliner? Was it you Wes? I knew it, I knew it. I
kneeeeeeeewwwwwwww ittttttt!
(Jay jumps on Wes, brutally attacking him. Jon intervenes, pulling Jay off
Wes. Munky then calms Jay down, then takes him to the supplies to get some
Absolut.)
JON: Man, this IS the Family Values Tour all over again!
BOBBY: But that was a f.ucking joke.
JON: I got some eyeliner here, more of that attitude and you're off my
record label!
BOBBY: Band with no drummer? Remember, Jay can kick some ass. Remember Wes?
WES: (groaning with pain)
JAY: Did I hear the E-word?
DAVID: You sure did, buddy. But, we could only get a little. Jon got some
for Amir, Paige and Bobby. You gotta share this eyeliner with Ryan.
JAY: Ryan? He'll probably think it's beer and try to drink it, it's not
fair. Why, God, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Where's my lipstick?
DAVID: Munky?
MUNKY: Well, Jay… (interrupted)
JAY: My nail polish is chipping.
MUNKY: JAY! Try this. ONE eyeliner, ONE lipstick, and ONE bottle of polish,
it's all we could save for you. Here, share with the guys.
JAY: Oh, yeah, the guys.
(Jay runs off with his goodies and a mirror he found in his pocket.
Ryan is awakening from his sleep, near Jay. The others, minus Jay, are at
work, building shelters, and fixing up the island the way they like it. Oh,
yeah, and Wes died from Jay kicking his ass.)
AMIR: Fred AND Wes, I'm afraid.
JON: What do you mean? Breakfast is finally served?
BOBBY: Sick, dude!!
DAVID: I agree, no Bizkits for me.
PAIGE: Me neither.
MUNKY: Hey, I'm in.
JON (interrupting): Then it's settled, Dave, you're out of Korn. You'd
always eat the sacrifices we had on the first tour we had.
DAVID: Dude, what are you on?
JON: Dude, I'm high on life, just eating these berries...
DAVID: The ones that killed Fred?
JON: Noooooooo way. These pretty berries that make my mouth fill with
sparkling glitter. Want some?
(Before David can respond, Jon stuffs a few down his throat. He starts to
hallucinate too.)
DAVID: Oooooooooooh, glitter berries. Mmmmmmm, tastes like motor oil.
AMIR, BOBBY, & PAIGE: Are you OK?
(Apparently unfazed by this, the three guys continue working on the island,
building a palatial shelter.)
(Jay and Ryan are near one another, about 100 yards from the others. Ryan
sees Jay, but he still can't talk. He's just starting to actually come to
face life without an unlimited beer supply- and is just thinking about it.
Meanwhile…)
JAY: Oooh, Mr. Gordon, you look fab-u-lous! Look at that eyeliner, perfect.
And using that lipstick as eyeshadow too, GENIUS, you're so smart AND
beautiful. AND that nail polish? I just love that color, I really do amaze
myself at times.
RYAN: Jay, what in the hell are you talking about?
JAY (deaf to all but himself): Oh, I just love your ensemble too.
JAY (acting as if he's another person): Oh, really? Water resistant.
RYAN: JAY! Snap out of it, there's no beer!
JAY: (seeming confused) What?
RYAN: There's no beer. For the love of God, we have no BEEEEEEEER!
JAY: There's beer over by the others, they're that way (Jay points), and…
RYAN: I'm not going alone, you don't know what's on this island.
(A creature runs by.)
RYAN: See, this island even has monsters.
JAY: Monsters? Oh my God!
RYAN: MONSTERS? OH MY GOD!
JAY: RUN! IT'S AFTER US, IT'S AFTER US!
(Jay & Ryan run over to Amir, Bobby and Paige.)
JAY & RYAN: MONSTER!!!!!
AMIR: What in the hell are you talking about?
BOBBY: Did Jon give you guys any berries?
JAY: (out of breath) Theres a MONSTER, and he's after us!!!!!
BOBBY: Sure dude, why don't you guys go play with Jon, Munky, and Dave?
JAY: Why can't you get what's coming out of my orifice through your
cerebrum?
PAIGE: Jay use small words, small words. Like, small and, uh, words.
(Jay storms off upset.)
RYAN: We're serious. And there's no beer, I am very scared. Paige, hold me.
PAIGE: Whoa, dude. I'm not that way. Here, have this beer.
RYAN: Whoa, beer. Cool, man.
(Ryan drinks the beer very fast.)
AMIR: Hold up, speedy. We have to ration that.
RYAN: Hey, man, we can't ration that. I mean, it's beer. It's an essential
element of my life.
BOBBY: Ryan, we all need to make sacrifices.
RYAN: But, but… (realizing he has to do with what they have, he quiets
down.)
JAY (in the distance): DAMN IT, JON! Listen to me!
AMIR: Whoa, we better go over there before Jay kills Jon too.
(They start to walk over to Korn and Jay, the members of Korn ceremonially
dancing around the dead bodies of Wes and Fred. Meanwhile…)
JON: Jay have some berries wonderfull glitter berries they fill your mouth
with sparkling glitter
JAY: F.UCKING LISTEN!!! Theres a (before he can finsh Jon stuffs some
berries down his throat)
JON: See, yummy!!
JAY: God, you messed up my lipstick (berries kicking in) but now my mouth is
full of sparkling glitter ohhhhhh yummy yummy!
DAVID: Oh my god, there are the monsters!!!!!! MONSTERS!!!!
JAY: I told you, but theres 4 now!!! Nooooooo!
JON: Maybe they would like some glitter berries.
MUNKY: Everybody likes glitter berries!!
JON, JAY, DAVID: Mmmmmmm, glitter berries!
JON: Wait! What if their trying to come steal our berries, all of em,
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
JAY: They can't have em no, NOOOO THEY'RE OURS!!!!!
MUNKY: Calm down I have a plan
( They huddle together, meanwhile…)
BOBBY: What did Jay yell?
AMIR: I think he said "Nooo they're ours" who knows
RYAN: Are we there yet???
PAIGE: Oh my god what are they doing?
AMIR: It looks like….
BOBBY: Aw, s.hit! They're throwing rocks, I think their gonna attack us !
RYAN: OWWWWW MY LEG MY LEG!!
AMIR: RUN!!!!!!!!!
(They all ran away except for Ryan cause his leg was hurt)
AMIR: (panting) Should we go back to get Ryan?
BOBBY: No way, dude, I'm not going back over there!
PAIGE: (gasping for breath) What are they doing?
( The 3 of them look over and see Jay, Jon, Munky, and David draging Ryans
body up the beach and throwing it on top of Wes and Freds bodys.)
BOBBY: What the f.uck?!
Meanwhile with Jay, Munky, David and Jon…….
JAY: (sounding out of his mind) WE GOT THE MONSTER!!!!!!
JON: Is it dead?
JAY: GLITTER BERRIES ARE GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
JON, MUNKY, AND DAVID: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, BERRIES GOOD!!!!
RYAN: What the hell?
JAY, JON, MUNKY, AND DAVID: NOOOOOO! AWWWWWWW!
JAY: Its alive, its alive!
JON: Not the berries, no, not the berries!!!!
( Jon runs off with the berries and Munky and David hold each other shacking
from fear and then both pass out on the ground. Jay just stands there
staring at the "monster".)
RYAN: Dude, its me, Ryan.
JAY: (seeming confused ) Ryan?
RYAN: Yeah dude, have you been into my beer? Ohhhhhh, my beer, my precious
beer…….( keeps going on about beer )
JAY: Guys, its okay, its Ryan.
JON: (yelling from over by the berry bush)No, it’s the monster! He's here
to eat the glitter berries, noooooooo, he can't have the berries, my berries
miiiiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!! ( as he walks over he hears Ry going on about his
beer) It is Ry!!!!!!!! Want some berries dude?
RYAN: Are those…..(before he can finish Jon stuff some berries down his
throat) WHAT ARE YOU DOING GOD….(he stops as the berries start to kick in)
Mmmmmmmmm, glitter berries, yummy, glitter glitter mmmmmmm berries!!!!
JAY: (His berries wearing off) Oh, god, man, look what you've done to the
poor dumbass!
AMIR, PAIGE, & BOBBY (bursting in): RYAN! YOU'RE OK!
RYAN: MMMMMM GLITTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR BERRIES
YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM GLITTERY GLITTERY YUMM YUMM…..(rambles on)
JON: GLITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YUMMY…(rambles on)
BOBBY: What the f.uck did you do to them Jay!
JAY: Jon stuffed them berries over there in his mouth (Jay points to the
bush)
AMIR: Ohh, my god, aren't those the ones that killed Fred.
JAY: I don't think so..I mean I ate 'em and I'm….(Jay passes out and falls
to the ground, Ryan and Jon are on the ground rolling around laughing and
mumbling crap)
BOBBY: Oh this is great we have Jay passed out, Ryan and Jon high as hell,
Munky and David who knows their either dead or passed out and Fred and Wes
rotting in this sun this is just great!
AMIR: Things could be worse.
PAIGE and BOBBY: How?
AMIR: Well I don't know I'm just trying to stay postive all you guys are
doing is complaing and…(before he can finsh Bobby Jumps on him beating him
down)
PAIGE: (staring off into the water seeing a boat) We're saved, GUYS WE'RE
SAVED!!!!!!! (Bobby and Amir stop fighting)
BOBBY: Really?(Seeing the boat) Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!
AMIR:Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
THE END
EPILOGUE
Once they all got back to the United States Jay, Ryan, Jon, Munky, and Dave
all had to have their stomaches pumpted to get rid out the poisonus "glitter
berries" but they all got through it okay. Limp Bizket, Head, and Fliedy
were all cramated cause their bodys were all rotton and then the ashes were
put in teddy bears with t-shirts that said Limp Bizket and KoRn and they
went on tour with Orgy as good luck charms which bosted record sales putting
Orgy way above *N Sync and BSB and when they found out about that they all
killed them selves and when all the teenieboppers found out about that they
all killed them selves which made everybody happy! Oh yeah Paige and Bobby
went home and Amir like had to be in the hospital for a couple brused ribs
but he's okay the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the monster? Ummmmmm we'll never know
