Gabi moved her hand away from Antonio's rigidly, as if she'd touched
some sort of unidentifiable alien slime. She exhaled sharply and a fallen
strand of hair flew out of her eye...and she wished she could just do the
same with him...the moth that had been floating around her heart since
they'd found themselves stranded in the city that never sleeps.....
Gabi: That's not gonna happen, you know.
Antonio: What's not gonna happen?
Gabi: The usual you and me stuff. The accidental brushings, the
accidental fallings, the "Whoops, we kissed in the dark" fiascoes, the broken
heel home-run slides, none of it, Antonio, you got it? God...I have
to get off this stupid tour bus! I can feel one lurking up at any minute!
Antonio: I don't think we can stop what we don't understand, Gabi.
Gabi: Oh, I understand why they happen, Antonio. They're
tests. But you know what? This happily married woman
passes them with flying colors, everytime! (sighs) I just hate how
the flying colors always happen to be my dress when I go hurtling into your
arms!
Antonio: Well, at least you don't have any money to go on a Payless
shoe-shopping spree while we're at it.
Gabi: You know, instead of cracking jokes about my wardrobe, maybe
you should be calculating your brilliant plan to get us out of here? That is, if
you actually have one.
Antonio: Listen, Gabi. One of my former mentors lives in a rectory in
Manhattan. We'll find Father Frockenheim...we'll hopefully remember how
we got here and explain it in a very sympathetic way....and I promise you,
he'll set us up with a loan to fly back to Sunset Beach, tonight.
Ricardo and everyone else back home will never know that this happened,
OK?
Gabi: Well....that would be a plan, Antonio....but the only
problem is...we're stuck on Dee Froque's "Spectacular" tour of every
telephone pole in the city!
Dee: And this is West 52nd street, and afta that is West 53rd street.
And they say New Yorkez are stoopid, huh folks? (pulls over) OK, and here's
Big Bear's Pizza, where I'm gonna stop right now, 'cause I'm stahvin'. Now
don't go away! Next we're gonna hit every Cheesecake Cabin in town...for
their, uh architectural splendor, of course!
The hefty woman trotted off the bus, everyone's ears still ringing from
the oh-so-lovely tones of her voice screeching through her megaphone.
Antonio: C'mon, Gabi...now's our chance.
And just as they got up and began to stroll nonchalantly down the aisle
towards the door, a geeky guy in the front of the bus that looked an awful lot
like Russ Meek shot up......with a gun.
Russ: (points gun around) Nobody moooove!!!
Gabi: OH, my God....
Russ: I'm taking over this bus!! I won't go back to jail for paternity test
fraud!!! They'll never catch me now!! (jumps in the driver's seat) Hang on,
my hostages!!!
The tires peeled out as the tourists screamed in horror, and Gabi found
herself toppling onto Antonio on the floor in a pin that rivaled professional
wrestling.
The bus tore through the street like.... well, a speeding bus?
Russ: Eat your heart out, Keanu Reeves!!! Hoo-haah-hahh!!
Gabi struggled to push herself up, trying to ignore the fact that she was
pawing all over Antonio to do so. They managed to stand up, and their eyes
fused together for a second....until the bus took a sharp corner and
catapulted them onto the floor beneath their seats in a heap of flailing arms
and legs.
Gabi: Will you STOP it???
Antonio: Stop what???
Gabi: Tackling me like a linebaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
They tumbled back into the aisle as the sound of police sirens screeched
after the bus.
Meanwhile....back in sunny California in a tiny appartment that’s…well,
not always so sunny.....
TV: In breaking news, it appears
that a tour bus has been hyjacked by a crazed lunatic in New--
Maria: Oh no!! The pie's burning!!
She clicked off the TV and bolted for the kitchen, sighing as she pulled a
hunk of cinders out of the oven.
Maria: Oh, I'm so sorry, Ricardo! I spend the day with you and
end up almost burning down the loft.....
Ricardo: S'aright, Maria. It's just that ol'memory problem of yours,
huh?
Maria: Ahem! Well, aren't you the comedian today? I haven't
seen you this happy in ages!
Ricardo grinned. Ah, yes. Not even a four alarm fire in his kitchen could
bring him down from THIS unadulterated bliss!
A few hours ago he'd gotten a call from L.A.X. security, to inform the
good detective that the "prisoners" were on their way. They were gone.
Really gone!! Without a penny to their names, strangling each other all the
way, flat on their faces on the sidewalk kind of gone! God, he wished he
could be there to see it! To watch their love for each other drain out of their
eyes, slowly but surely....just like what happened to him.
Well, there was only one problem.....the bubbly Maria Torres Evans,
who'd been doting on her big brother all day.
He looked at her, scraping the burnt remnants of pie out of the pan with
a smile like a regular Donna Reed. Ugh! He felt an awful pang of guilt
everytime he looked at her.
Ricardo: Man.....if she only knew what I've done.....
After all, Antonio was her brother too. She loved him just as
much as he did.....once. Man. Why did something that felt so damn great
have to hurt, too? His mind wandered off into yet another bizarre
fantasy........
((((((((((((((((((((The loft becomes dark, he stands there in the
infamous red shirt, the last he ever wore, frazzeled, unbuttoned sleeves and
a smirk. Maria marches out of the kitchen in a Grim Reaper robe, pointing at
him......
Maria: You. YOU destroyed our family, Ricardo......YOU.
Ricardo: Course. Can't blame that angelic twit, can you?
Maria: You sent away my brother.....OUR brother, Ricardo! How COULD
you....he might be lying dead in a gutter somewhere!
Ricardo: Don't worry. He's got my lovely wife to keep him
company....that is, if she hasn't killed him yet.....
Maria: *Tsk, tsk*....I doubt it….it seems like us Torreses have
nine lives, don’t we? But will YOU be so lucky when it the Reaper comes a-
knocking again, Ricardo...after what you've done????
Ricardo: After what HE'S done!
Madame Carmen emerged from the shadows.
Carmen: Oh, woe is m'ijo!! My baby....thrown to the barracudas in
Nueva York! Ricardo, what have you become?? (echoing) become!
become!.......
Ricardo: Ooh. Nice effect, Mama. Now will you two stop with this
cheesy surrealist Christmas Carol guilt trip?! Gabi and Antonio are gettin'
exactly what they deserve....finally.....
He grabbed the TV remote and clicked it on, and on the screen, Antonio
was rising out of a dumpster, filthy....
Antonio: Why, God??? WHY??????
Gabi (pops out) OH, will you SHUT UP??
Antonio: Why don't YOU shut up??!
Gabi: I HATE you, Antonio!! You got us into this!!!
Ricardo watched in utter delight as she started banging his head against
the dumpster.
Antonio: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow, owwait a minute...(she stops) Who
are you kidding, Ricardo? This isn't how it's gonna happen at
all!.........
Ricardo: (wide-eyed double take at screen)) No.... aw, no!!!
**Gabi & Antonio: (skipping down the street) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, Schlameel, Schlamaazal, Hassenpepper
Incorporated!!
*We're gonna do it!* *Give us any chance we'll take it!*
(Gabi and Antonio riding double on a bike) *Give us any rule we'll break it!* (Gabi and Antonio making out on a forklift) *We're gonna make our dreams come
truuuue!*
(Gabi and Antonio making out on the bottling line) *Doin' it our way---*
Ricardo: (bangs his head against TV) No, no, no-
h-h-hohhhhhhh.......)))))))))))
Ricardo: Damn those two!
Maria: What did you say, Ricardo?
Ricardo: Uh, I said, too bad about that pie.
Maria: Yeah. Boysenberry is Antonio's favorite too. I wonder where he
and Gabi could be? It's awfully late in the afternoon. Ahh, he probably had
piles of work to do at the Mission, and you know Gabi! She's probably
begging him to just slow down and enjoy
himself for a change!
It was a good thing Ricardo wasn't holding anything....because it
would've been reduced to teeny tiny cinders.
Antonio and Gabi were snarled together after the swerving bus had
tossed them into yet another awkward embrace on the floor. Gabi squirmed,
trying to hide her pounding heart.
Gabi: I-I don't know whether to scream or ask you what you want for
Christmas! Oops! Uh...sorry....I thought that was my leg....
A fiery blush spread over his face as he worked his way out of their
entangled state and started to crawl his way down the aisle amidst the
shrieks of the other passengers.
Gabi: Antonio? Antonio?! W-what are you doing???
Antonio: Somebody's gotta try to stop this, Gabi!!
Gabi: How??? What are you gonna do, use the power of prayer to heal
the poor, misguided psychopath driving the bus?? Antonio?? Don't
you dare! You're gonna get yourself killed! Antonioo!?
She started crawling after him in a total panic.
Antonio: Um....excuse me?? Would you....uh....like to...talk about this?
Russ: What??? What do you think this is, a freakin' after school special?!
Sit down!!!
Gabi: Um, um...sir?? Pay no attention to this guy, (gives Antonio
daggers) he's insane!
Antonio didn't know what came over him, but he grabbed Gabi's hand
and held it within the view of the flustered driver.
Antonio: Please! My wife and I....we just got married......we're planning
on spending the rest of our lives together.......let us go….please don't take
our love away....
Oddly enough, Russ was stunned.
Russ: Why....why should I care about YOU?? I don't HAVE anyone to
love.....
Gabi: Y-yes, you do! Someone's out there for you...you'll find her!
There were so many....obstacles between....Siegfried and I.... but we found
our soulmate in each other! Let us all go....please......
Man: That is SO beautiful, man!
Antonio: Please....just stop the bus.....
Suddenly, the brakes screeched to a halt, and the two unanchored
“lovers” flew back the floor.
Russ: Dammit! That story got to me!
NYPD!!!! FREEZE!!!!!
Russ: OOOH! Owww Watch the threads !!!! Gleegg!
Before they knew it, a swat team had wrestled the would-be criminal out
of the bus, and all the passengers began to cheer as Gabi and Antonio rose
up slowly.
They realized they were holding hands.
Woman: That was incredible!! The power of your love saved our lives!!!
Man: Hey, look, a CNN van!! They HAVE cover this inspirational story!!
Reality.
They exchanged a nervous glance, and that was their cue to get out of
there. The astonished group watched the "couple" as they bounded off the
bus, and disappeared into the city streets.
Gabi flipped her hair and folded her arms around herself tightly...lost in
what had just happened. The thought of it made every skyscraper seem to
disappear.
Mrs. Gabi Torres.
She didn't even have to look at him to see that it was weighing on his
mind....she could feel it hanging between them as they walked....not
close...but not very far apart either.
Gabi: I....I can't even believe what you just did, Antonio. Well,
no...actually, I can....you amazed me....as usual.
Antonio: (shy smile) Thanks.
Gabi: (Sighs) And your modesty still drives me crazy. You might have
just saved both our lives, Antonio...you're an incredible.........priest.
The word was a brick at the end of the sentence.
Antonio: (somber) Yeah. One that can lie his way out of any situation.
Gabi...I'm sorry....you had to play along with that, I.....
Gabi: Hey, hey....just forget about it, OK, um…Siegfried?....
Antonio: I have to admit, that was a nice little creative
touch......Roy.
Gabi: All we need is a magic wand to wish ourselves home.
He rubbed her shoulders, shaking inside.
Antonio: We won't have to wish, I promise you, OK? Cross my heart.
Gabi: I....I'm the one who should be apologizing, Antonio....I've been
nothing but rotten to you ever since we got here, and--
Antonio: No, you haven't, Gabi.….c’mon, we're both hungry...and
tired....and miserable.....
Gabi: No, no....I've made Francesca Vargas look like a kindergarten
teacher. Let's make a pact, alright? We have to look out for each other from
now on...instead of freaking out and blaming one another and--
(frowns)....ooh....(moves a strand of his hair and flinches)
Antonio: What?
Gabi: You've got a scratch on your head....I must've gouged
you with my enagement ring when we....fell.
Antonio: Is it bleeding?
Gabi: A little bit....don’t worry…I think I've got a little band-aid in my
purse....oh....oh my God!?
Antonio: What is it, Gabi, ??
She pulled out a crumpled lump of green paper..
Gabi: I think it’s.…..it's a 20!!! It must've been at the bottom in here and
gotten washed, Antonio, do you know what this means?? We can buy actual
food! A-and still have enough left over to take a cab to the rectory and be
out of here! We are Siegfried and Roy!!!
Antonio: My God, that’s, that’s great!!
Their spread out arms wobbled in the air and ended up in an anxious
hug...and he felt that unexplained whim of courage again...and lifted her off
the ground al little bit as she let out a startled squeal.
In was only for a split second....but once he set her back on the ground
gently, priest and married woman touched the earth.
Gabi: Um.....I'm gonna go over to that hot dog cart…I think we could
use a couple of New York Saugies with everything, huh? Why don't you go in
the phone booth over there and look up Father Frockenheim in the directory?
Antonio: Yeah....yeah! Good idea.
Gabi: The sooner we start, the sooner I can get back to my hus--
....to...Ricardo, right?
Antonio: Mm-hmm....yup.
He breathed a sigh that could fill a balloon as she strolled down the
sidewalk, and started to flip through the phone book.
Antonio: (muttering to himself) Yup...back to the script of my life...so
very interesting.....let's see....Frockaby....Frockencrust....Frockenheim!
Thirty two.....B.....West 45th....oh, thank you God! (puts pen in mouth) The
sooner I get out of here, the bett--
Suddenly, the pen fell out of his mouth and bounced off the curb when
he saw her walking towards him.
Antonio: No....it couldn't be....
Just the sight of her long blond hair flowing in the wind made an old
Styx ballad start to play in his head.
Woman: Oh my God....Tony??? Is that you?
Antonio: Vonda?
Oh, no. She spotted him. Oh God. He had just rolled off a run-away
bus...he probably looked like such an idiot.....this was not the
reunion he'd dreamed of since senior year!
Vonda: It is SO good to see you again!! My God, what have you been
doing since--well, you know....since…then?
Sunset Beach, 1987
Carmen: AntoniO!! Por favor !!
Open the door. I made your favorite quesadillas!
Antonio: (voice muffled in pillow) C'maan, Ma-MA! GO away!
Carmen: Ay! You had better be writing your valedictorian speech,
nino! I won't allow you to throw your future away for a silly girl.
Vahnda is muy loca for letting a such a sweet, smart boy like you
go. She'll regret it later, m'ijo, I promise! When she's living in a
van down by the river and you’re the next Presidente Reagan!
Ricardo: (knocks) Alright, enough of the misery, "Van Goghnio," you'd
better not be cutting off your ear in there, cause I'm just gonna glue it right
back on ya', and then you'll really be vowing never to date again!
Antonio: I never will, no matter what! I’m joining a
monastery! GO AWAY!
Alright. So Antonio’s tragic romances had been the butt of many a joke
in the Torres household. Before he joined the seminary, Ricardo had even
chuckled that he’d spent so much time on his knees worshipping women in
his lifetime, he’d never make it as a priest.
A prophecy??
OK, so he was the opposite of ”Rico Suave” the commitment-phobe. So
he’d gotten his heart steamrolled by a few girls who said he was just too
nice. Yeah, and maybe even underneath his tough-guy moniker….”Tony”
was just a mushy Cyrano DeBergerac wannabe.
But God, was he in love with Vonda Caven!
Antonio froze. OK….think….think….what have you been doing? Have
to be interesting….have to prove I made something of my life….by becoming
a..……..
Antonio: An actor! I-I’m an actor.
Vonda: (smiles) You? An actor? God, that’s SO not what I expected. I
mean, you almost passed out when you gave your valedictorian speech at
graduation!
Antonio: Yeah, well….I overcame my little uh, stage fright problem.
Vonda: I’m a model. Do you want to see my portfolio??
Antonio: Uhm--
Before he knew it, the giant binder was in his face.
Vonda: --Here’s my first Gap ad you know I auditioned for those singing
commercials but God you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to sing AND model
at the same blah, blah, blah, blah……….
Antonio felt his mind drifting off….he couldn’t even remember what he
had ever found remotely attractive about this woman! Well, besides the fact
that she was beautiful, but--
Vonda: --and then I did the Victoria’s Secret catalog but I hate myself in
burgundy or lace or blah, blah, blah…………
What was taking Gabi so long with those hot dogs?
Vonda: …blah, blah….God, it is SO refreshing to talk to someone who’s
interested in my modeling. You were always SO sweet that way, Tony!
She grabbed him in a hug and kissed him on the cheek, as he imagined
her soft blond hair was short and dark. And she was a little bit shorter. And
a little more intelligent. And Spanish. And wonderful. And……
There was a lightness in Gabi’s step as she wandered back down the
busy street with handfuls of fine city cuisine. Was this really all that
bad? As much as she hated to admit it, her and Antonio made a pretty good
team. He’d take care of her now…he always had. She needed him…..
She stopped dead in her tracks at an unusual sight. She didn’t even
notice that ketchup was dripping on her shoe as she watched this strange
blond creature handling him, rubbing her hands up and down his back,
giggling, “Oh, you haven’t changed, hee hee hee!”
And him. Beaming at her like some sort of overgrown Menudo.
Touching her shoulders!
Her eyes narrowed, and she felt a burning pain ripping her at the
seams….one that wanted to burst out and pull her off of him nail by perfectly
manicured nail.
She started to breathe in pout-like intervals.
It was a feeling the old schemin’ Gabi that lived deep inside her knew all
too well.
It was enough to turn her brown eyes green…..
To Be Continued…..:-)
