Stolen Time, Part 1

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It was always the same. Always that night in the Shock Wave...

Leo: Love is definitely in the air.

Sean: No! Don't say that! Love is not in the air!

Leo: Give it up. You're whipped on Emily.

Sean turns around with an evil glare in his eyes...

Sean: No, Leo...YOU'RE whipped on Emily!

Leo: What??!

Sean: YOU'RE whipped, on MY girlfriend!!!

Bill Cosby: That's right, son. You're so darn whipped, you're the perfect low calorie non-dairy topping for my Jell-OOo pudding!

And they throw him into a giant bowl of pudding!

Leo: I'm not whipped! I'm NOT whipped!! I'm not!!...

That was his recurring nightmare. Give or take the Bill Cosby cameo, of course.

Being the eternal third wheel had finally taken its toll on Leo. Now, he carried the burden of having a crush on Emily from afar. Stealing moments alone with her while Sean was gone had become an Olympic sport. The words "I'll Be Right Back!" were the whistle--move in, say something, yessss!!!

Well, then came the problem of looking Sean in the face afterwards. His eyes darted around like the blue oracle of a Magic 8-ball...

*Outlook not so good.*

So, tonight at the Deep, Leo had taken it upon himself to smother the embers of his unrequited love in the comfort of...a Shirley Temple. Man! These were the times he missed the non-existent drinking age back in Europe.

He took a swig, and heard a voice that brought him out of his dark reverie.

Emily: Hey, Leo!

When he turned around, his arm turned to Jell-O and the glass tipped, spilling the pink concoction all over Emily's dress!

Leo: Oh no!! Oh, man!! Emily, I'm so sorry!!

Emily: It's OK! It was an accident.

Leo: I'll get you a napkin!! I can't believe I did that, um (starts pulling napkins out of dispenser thingy) but actually, (Pulls out more)uh, I'm not really surprised.(More) There's this unwritten law that nobody should wear white, beige or taupe around me. It's a clutz liability thing, you know?

Emily:(giggles) Oh, really?

Leo handed her the giant snowball of napkins.

Emily: (smiles) I think you've got it covered, there.

Leo: Oh...oh yeah! Ya' think? (Nervous laughter) "A Hell of a Lot of Trees Were Harmed in the Making of This Disaster."

Emily started to laugh, and gave him a playful jab.

Leo: So, I take it you don't hate me?

Emily: No...just the opposite.

An awkward silence.

Leo: To..to what degree?

Time froze for a moment...

Sean: Hey, guys!

Think of Sean's voice as the sound of a chandelier falling from the top of the Washington Monument, and shattering to pieces on a marble floor. With the acoustics of a cathedral. That's what it was like for our Leo.

Emily; Sean! Uh, hi!

Sean: Hey, what happened?

Emily: Oh, that. It's nothing. I...just spilled my drink, that's all.

Sean: Well, you don't look any less hot, babe! I think it's about time we tear up the dance floor!

Leo: Sounds like an idea.

Sean: Oh, that reminds me, Leo. I have to ask you a favor...

((((((( Could you take Emily off my hands? Please, just take her! ))))))))))

((((((( But of course, Sean! Anything for a best bud! )))))))

((((( Kiss me, you fool!! ))))))

Sean: Leo? You listening? Hell-oo??

Leo:...Huh? Oh, yeah. What were you saying?

Sean: I need the notes for English Lit class. Can you copy them down for me?

Leo: Oh, sure! I've got nothing else better to do!

Sean: Great! Thanks, man! Here, have some Necco Wafers!

Emily: Um, Sean--

And with a tug of his hand, he whisked her away. Snap. Like that. Leo hoped that the music wouldn't suddenly stop, because the whole club would probably be able to hear him grinding a Necco Wafer against his teeth in angst.

Brad had observed the whole scene, like a vulture waiting to strike. And it didn't take a rocket scientist to decode the wistful contortions of Leo's face that he, in the sensitive Deschanel tradition, could never hide.

Brad: Whaddup, man. How goes the battle?

Leo: (raises on eyebrow) What?

Brad: You know...the battle to keep yourself from drooling whenever Emily's around!

He swallowed the Necco Wafer in horror. He knew!! Brad, of all people knew!

Leo: (Activate Denial Mode) What the hell are you talking about?

Brad: Give it up, dude. You're busted! I think we both know the real reason you spilled your Juicy-Juice on Emily's dress is cause you had some corny little fantasy of her taking it off and handing it to you to take to the cleaners!

Leo felt like his face was going to explode. The only fantasy he was having now was of driving a wrecking ball into Brad's teeth.

But he couldn't muster a word. Couldn't even clench his hand into a fist to punch his lights out. Numb.

Brad: You know what, Deschanel? You think you're like, sooo much better than me, when the truth is, you're nothing but a loser. Loo-hoo, Zuh-her!! (his hand in an L-shape on his forehead)

Dry-humored repiles were floating in Leo's brain like fish-food flakes. "Love your high-waters, Brad."..."You could really use some Binaca, you know that?" Say it. Say it!! But the words left him as Brad shuffled away. Left to simmer in his own molten blood.

At that moment, he saw her from across the club, and everyone else seemed to disappear. But that was the way it would always be. Her over there, him over here. by himself.

The corny sidekick, who always gets the one-liners, and never gets the girl. Ever.

*Holy rusted metal, Batman!*

He walked out of the Deep in the usual way...alone.

To Be Continued...