Like Father, Like Son
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
Natural selection- survival of the fittest- has been proven by DQ and his boy. According to Darwin's theory those with the most desirable genetic traits will survive and reproduce. Here's a classic example featuring DQ, who is NOT the fittest. DQ had his eye on one of the gals, then lost her to The Dude. Recently a new girl moved in, and I noticed over the last few weeks she's been hanging around DQ Minor a lot. I just started calling her his girlfriend, then discovered today that Dude Junior said she kissed him, and she's not DQ Minor's girlfriend anymore. Why settle for DQ Minor when someone better is available? I'm sure they're stewing at the Willow Tree Bed & Breakfast right now, plotting against them Grewing boys!
It's quiet, a little too quiet
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
DQ has been very quiet lately. Usually you can't get him to shut up, but he's just been sitting at a picnic table keeping to himself while we wait for the bus. The only story I have to relate this time concerns the tractor. He was "fixing" it a little while back, and now it's completely dead. It leaks (gushes) oil where he fixed it, and on Sunday (9/7) it wouldn't shut off. The driver had to rip out the fuel line to get it to shut off. Now of course, it won't start up again.
DQ Walks the Plank
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
Saturday DQ was working (!) on building a deck for his side job and he stepped on a loose board and fell through. He was dangling (his words, not mine) and got a bruise on his leg.
Also, DQ is now driving a new riding mower, the Gray Ghost. It came from behind the Camp Lakeview office and probably hasn't been used in years. Why he needs a mower is beyond me.
It's That Time of the Month
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
Yesterday I was working in the office when DQ came in doing his patented "I have issues" walk. The issue- he wanted his money for working on the golf cart, which by the way is running. All day. However, the manager had gone home already. He was fuming! He said he's tired of chasing her around all the time. Which explains why he didn't chase her around Monday or Tuesday, and why he didn't start chasing her around until 4 PM on Wednesday. He kept going on and on about his medication, and even pulled out a piece of paper that I couldn't read but presumably was a list of medications. Then he said "I guess I'll have to go up there [the manager's house]." He never did, he just came back to the office and did it all over again. The whole time The Dude was sitting in the corner, having just gotten off the phone. Afterwards he came up and said, "I was sitting there crying because I couldn't laugh!"
Apparently the medication issue comes up every month right around now. DQ needs his pills but either can't afford them until they've run out or he runs out before a month is over. Whatever the cause, he goes into hiding for a few days right about now. It can never last long enough.
Weird Wednesdays
A new weekly segment recapping our "Weird Wednesday" TV watching tradition!
Last night on Ghost Hunters International, the 8:00 episode was almost over when we reached the TV. The crew was in Englad, checking out a potentially haunted location. The woods there is said to hold the souls of people whomhave gotten lost in there and never come out. You can still hear their screams today. Half a minute into the woods, they hear screaming, followed by footsteps of something unseen. The entire crew goes in and hears the screams. After wrapping up, they investigate further and learn that a vixen fox makes the same sound. No paranormal activity.
The new 9:00 episode took us to Romania. First to Banffy Castle, a renovation project for students. The GHI crew was able to debunk shadows walking across a room, but at the same time observed shadows walking across a room with no floor. There were also sounds coing from said floorless room, and flashes of light. A quick check by radio revealed no one was near the room.
Later, while investigating the floorless room a sound was heard by the entrance (right under the floorless room). At the same time, another investigator was set up away from the castle using identical cameras to take pictures of the outside of the building. One was normal, the other was set to pick up full spectrum (visible, UV, and infrared). Every 3 seconds he'd push both buttons at once. Everything was fine, until... there's a streak of light on the full spectrum camera, right at the entrance.
The second half took us to Dracula's castle where nothing out of the ordinary happened.
Previously on Days of Jeff's Life
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
On an earlier episode which took place in late winter or early spring, Jeff went out for pizza with The Gals. DQ was having a great time until one of The Gals stole his car, which was recovered. Poor DQ was terribly distraught and probably stayed inside for a week.
Tanwax 911!
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
Just when you think the DQ stories can't get any better they do. Last night we had a campfire going and I went over to the dumpster to empty my trash can. I looked over and noticed some flames. I thought DQ was having a campfire too. Then I noticed his car was gone. I went closer and saw the flames were coming from the golf cart he's "fixing". So I ran back to the house and got the fire extinguisher. Then some of the neighbors came over because they were searching for the smell. They found it. On the way back to the controlled fire we were having some kids asked me what happened. I couldn't keep a straight face as I told them the golf cart was on fire. Stay tuned for more highjinks!
Golf Cart Update
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
Warning: This is a revised post to replace the one that disappared.
DQ got the golf cart running Thursday night and even let DQ Minor drive it. But alas, come Friday morning it runs no more. Apparently it only works at night. Right now it sits behind his camper next to his Suburban. No word on whether or not we're being charged for repairs right now. I expect to have the golf cart back in a month.
Piracy Update: The boat mentioned in the preior post "Pipe Bombs and Piracy" was NOT DQ' boat. It belongs to a friend of another resident. Add grand theft marine to the list of DQ's crimes. See "Crime Stoppers" bumper sticker on DQ's Suburban!
A special holiday episode of "Days of Jeff's Life"
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
Thursday the 3rd DQ took his boat out with a brand new (used) 15 HP motor. He said the boat would go so fast it would stand up straight. Later that night Heather told me he came back and said he lost the motor in the water and had to paddle back by hand. Another report stated he was leaning against his car kinda wobbling, saying he would need a month to recover.
Friday the 4th I heard from someone else that he blew a piston in the motor (which he probably "fixed" before using) and if the motor is at the bottom of the lake it's because he dumped it. Later that night he watched helplessly as DQ Minor waved his sparkler in Alicia's face.
Saturday the 5th I was informed that DQ had a date. How? It was someone who never met him. Usually someone can tell he's a nice guy after just a few minutes he says. The date ended badly when DQ perhaps tried to go too far too fast. Stay tuned for more DQ adventures!
The Green Hornet
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
The Green Hornet rides again! That's what the Dude I work with is calling DQ's riding mower. Actually, it's not his. He just "worked on it" for 6 weeks. DQ likes to make a little money doing odd jobs here and there, mostly using Camp Lakeview equipment. Like the time he said, "When will you guys get your pressure washer fixed? I have a couple people I need to pressure wash for."
And so it was with the Green Hornet. It was Mother's Day when we first noticed it, up on milk crates like the ghetto of the ghetto. The neighbor (it was on her lot) said, "DQ got me a Mother's Day present." It actually spent more time out of the 6 weeks sitting there than getting "fixed". After about a month, DQ got it to the point where it was running. So he'd drive around the park towing DQ Minor in his little truck.
OK, DQ you got it fixed, now give it back! Wait, there's more! He has to drive it in the grass and turf us. Then he can go back to "fixing" it. Time to test the blade. Mow one section of grass (not a whole area) so it's shorter than everything else and stupid looking.
Last week he was drenched in sweat with his hair slicked back. He was in a rush because the guy wanted his mower back. Only 4 weeks after DQ said he worked on it for 6 hours and "fixed" it. It's leaking fuel! SO he sub-contracted one of the neighbors. The next day, it was leaking again. "The neighbor did it wrong" was the excuse, but it looked like someone cut the plug that stopped the original leak. So where do I find DQ? Rooting through the Camp Lakeview workshop.
What's next for DQ? Fixing the water pump on the Camp Lakeview excavator. I'm expecting that project to be done around the middle of July. Of 2010.
Ever meet someone like this?
Topic: Days of Jeff's Life
One of the residents here at Camp Lakeview (henceforth known as "DQ", short for Drama Queen) is always getting himself into some sort of trouble. He doesn't grasp unintended consequences. Well, lately he's been wanting to get his kid a pet. So one day last week a dude I work with here was walking along and DQ pulls up next to him in his car. The kid is carrying on about something, but it sounded like DQ asked if he wanted some chicken. So the Dude asked what kind- BBQ, fried, ya know. DQ says they're all white. The Dude starts thinking white meat. So then DQ says he has 3 or 4 of them. THEM? So the Dude looks in the back seat and sees a box with a cover on it and some holes poked in it. DQ says he has to get rid of the chickens because the ammonia smell in his camper is driving him nuts. He honestly thought chickens would make a good house pet. As DQ always says, "You try to do something nice for someone..."
