I have always been kinda weird around food, but it all escalated around Christmas last year. I started really dieting, eating at what is considered starvation level. Despite my baggy clothes and sneaky attempts to hide my lack of food intake, my family found out about my problem. This was last April or May. Since then, I have been struggling daily to eat *enough*... Sometimes I eat too much and try to purge.
Over the summer I over-exercised frequently to keep my weight down, and when I started cross coutry season this fall my weight dropped again. I was told I had to stop running. At that point, my self-injury (which had been going on since March) got a lot worse, and my suicidal thoughts became much more intense. I came very close to overdosing. Then in October my therapist decided I needed to be hospitalized for my safety.
I was in Pembroke for three weeks, Butler for a week and a half, Butler's day treatment program for two days, inpatient again for three weeks, and partial hospital for a week. I was then readmitted inpatient because I was still suicidal. I was admitted to ITU this time -the intensive treatment unit - and it shocked and scared me. I was in with a bunch of adults who were seriously only half there. I cried and begged them to put me back on the adolescent unit, and they finally assented. After a few more days I was discharged - my insurance had run out. I was still suicidal.
I am now at home after almost three months of hopitalizations. I am constantly trying to resist urges to cut, restrict, purge, kill myself, etc. It's very hard. I have been severly depressed because, despite my many hospitalizations, different treatments, and countless medications, I still wasn't feeling any better about myself. I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and I am beginning family counselling. It has really affected my family. Now everyone's schedules revolve around me. I am not allowed to stay home alone, although I am no longer suicidal. My mom cries constantly, my father is so stressed out that he's been getting sick a lot, and my brother and sisters are scared to death because of all this. I have missed a full semester of school, which I fortunately do not have to make up. I also missed my extracurricular activities, including running. So it's really affected everything. Each day is a struggle, but I'm trying to recover!
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*ME*
Last updated 1/29/00.
~*~Thank you for visiting my site!~*~
Fight for Freedom, Fight for Life: An Update on Me!
Well, you know a lot about my ED/SM issues, but you don't know much about *me*! There's a reason for that - the ED and SM have become so much a part of my identity that I no longer really KNOW who I am! But here are a few of the basics:
*I'm Alissa and I'm 17. I live with both my parents, and I am the oldest of four. I have two sisters and a brother. I love my family.
*I love running - I do cross country and winter track. I also play tennis. I'm into sports and school spirit - GO DR FALCONS!!!!!!!
*I also love art and music. I am constantly creating something from a diverse assortment of media. I taught myself to play the piano and I'm working on the violin.
*I love extracurricular activities. I am Corresponding Secretary for Student Government and I'm a Peer Leader and a member of NHS.I have missed out on most of this, running, and my other activities because of my hospitalizations.
*I also love helping people and volunteering. I teach CCD and volunteeeer for whatever I can. I like to come online and help people with ED/SM issues.
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I Told My Parents!*
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