"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."
I've heard the saying over and over again, but sometimes I forget the truth behind it. My experiences over the past year, though, remind me that often it really is the little things that make a difference.
Maybe you know someone who's suffering, whether it be from ED/SM issues, depression, another mental illness, or even a physical illness. For most of us, our first thought is, "How can I help?" Well, there are many ways... but sometimes the best help you can give someone is to show him/her that you CARE. You have many options, but these are some things people did for me:
A friend at Butler... I only knew him for a week... made me this little chart. On the chart, he listed five of my biggest problems. On the other side, he wrote a few things I could do to help that problem (for example, "suicidality" ... "#1: Remember that you are important/special to others"). The words he wrote made little difference to me; most were things I had heard a million times before, and hadn't been helpful. But the thought behind it... that made a HUGE difference. It was a well-thought-out, time-invested project which he had done FOR ME, even though he hardly knew me....
You can: Show a little thought, a little time, a little effort... it really can go a long way.
The art therapist at Pembroke... watched me tear up every single picture I drew and throw it away... read a poem I had written for him. The poem correlated the way I felt (worthless, incompetent, etc.) with throwing away my pictures (because they weren't "perfect"). After reading it, he took me into the art room, reached into a folder... and pulled out pieces of construction paper onto which he had glued THE PIECES OF MY TORN-UP PICTURES. It meant so, so much to me that he did that!
You can: Prove depressing or irrational thoughts wrong -- it really does make a difference!
The OTs (Occupational Therapists) at Butler used to let me help them run errands and work with them on the Children's Unit. Helping people was a major confidence builder for me, and because they let me do these things, I felt important, special, and needed.
You can: Ask for help; even if you feel like YOU should be the one helping... it makes people feel GOOD to help!
One of the OTs in particular liked to really push me. She was hard on me, but it helped. When I was preparing to leave, I asked her to sign my Goodbye Book. She gave me a hard time and refused to sign it. I was upset... until a few days before I left, she gave me a collage that she had spent a lot of time working on (I watched her make it, not knowing it was for me). On the paper, she had cut out little pictures and sayings -- some were happy, others sad, some inspiring... some were just "me"... She signed the back, and when she gave it to me, she said, "Now don't ask me to sign your Goodbye Book anymore!" It meant a lot; I almost cried when she handed it to me. I kept the collage on my desk for months and months, and I still have it. It was comforting to go back and look at it and read the sayings when I was upset.
You can: Make collages, drawings, pictures, etc. -- they're all very meaningful and helpful to people who are "sick".
One staff person at TSH helped me SO MUCH when she told me about her own difficulties. I had been having a hard time at an ice cream sundae party we were having, and I asked her to take me out of the room for a while. She spent about an hour talking with me; she told me a little about her ED and I was able to talk about my problems. It's an amazing feeling when you realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You can: Share your own problems -- it could help BOTH of you!
A friend at Pembroke wrote me a note before she was discharged. In it she wrote about how she enjoyed getting to know me and talking with me... but she also wrote that I was "a sister" to her, and that I had "saved her life". I never thought I did anything "well" or "right", but she showed me I HAD done something right!
You can: Point out strengths!
My parents (who were so incredibly strong and supportive, by the way!) wrote me letters while I was at Butler. None of us could express our true feelings during the one-hour daily visits (for one thing, we were always surrounded by at least 25 patients, friends, families, and staff)... so my parents began bringing me letters. I remember crying for over an hour after one especially touching letter from my dad. The letters were there when I spent hours and days alone at the hospital... when I couldn't have a visit, or call my family, I could read the letters -- I had a little PART of them!
You can: Write a letter, card, poem, etc.!
Several friends at school have noticed when I'm having a hard time. They have brought me to the nurse or the school psychologist, staying with me while I tried to explain what was "going on." Their support has been incredible, and though it frustrates me sometimes, I am glad I have friends who care enough about me and my safety to let an adult know when there's a problem.
You can: Tell someone... parents, teachers, counsellors, coaches, etc. -- you will be taking a big step in getting the person the help (s)he needs!
Another "school senario": Since I have returned to my regular high school, several friends and teachers have made themselves available to me by giving me their phone numbers or letting me know they are "there to talk" if I need it. Sometimes actually picking up the phone or walking into the room is really hard, but knowing that the option is there is a great comfort.
You can: Offer to listen!
