back to flaming eggplants
Gaaack!
Well, here it is: the list of the 101 types of people who irritate me
the most (in no particular order)
1) People who wear size 5 shoes.
2) People who make a stupid face when they don't understand something,
and who consequently are making a stupid face all the time.
3) The people who got picked first for sports teams in elementary
school.
4) People with annoying voices.
5) People who wear so much perfume that there is an actual visible cloud of it all around them.
6) People who constantly drive at 70 km/h, whether the actual speed
limit is 50 or 100.
7) People who show up wanting to buy cigarettes from Rob.(If you don't know, don't ask.)
8) Telemarketers
9) Vaccuum cleaner salesmen.
10) Rabid Christian Vegetarians
11) People who look over at your meal and then, just as you are lifting
your fork to your mouth, say in an irritating tone of voice, "Oh, you're
not going to eat THAT, are you?"
12) People who hum.
13) Little skinny people who complain loudly about how embarrassed they are to have to buy jeans that are about 4 sizes smaller than the ones you're wearing.
14) People who seem to be unaware of the fact that they have terrible
B.O.
15) People who are so totally perfect that you would love to hate them,if only they weren't so nice to you all the time.
16) People who latch onto you and rant about everything they can think of until your ears bleed.
17) People who talk loudly in public places about their personal problems.
18) Fashion designers.
19) People who prove on a regular basis that yes, there IS such a thing
as a stupid question.
20) People who try to hum or sing along with elevator music.
21) Salespeople who latch onto you and follow you around the store,
asking if they can help you, until you either give up and buy something, or go nuts and beat them to death with a display rack.
22) Anyone who has found himself on this list and is writing me a snotty letter in response.
23) Mothers who let their children run around screaming in stores.
24) Mimes.
25) People who talk to you as if you were 4 years old.
26) People who meow.
27) Whoever invented Valentine's Day.
28) Little children who seem to be spending their entire summer vacation standing around in their yards and screaming at the top of their little lungs.
29) Newscasters who smile in a cheerful and friendly manner as they tell you about various recent disasters that have resulted in fatalities.
30) People who use "times" as a verb, when they mean "multiply."
31) People who say "nucular" instead of "nuclear."
32) Morning people.
33) People who don't realize that it's rude to pick your nose in public.
34) People who answer rhetorical questions.
35) Relentlessly cheerful people.
36) Barney.
37) Whoever first came up with the concept of Barney.
38) People who answer rhetorical questions incorrectly.
39) Tall people who sit right in front of you in theatres.
40) People who appear to have had their senses of humour surgically
removed.
41) People who read the previous category and are now going "huh?"
42) Dentists who try to have a conversation with you while they are
working on your teeth and you can't respond.
43) Sports commentators.
44) People in your music class who say things like, "Oh, can we do
theory today, sir?"
45) People who laugh at their own jokes before they've actually reached
the punchline.
46) People who eat bad-smelling food, such as tuna, in crowded areas.
47) Anyone who is attempting to analyze my personality based on this
list.
48) People who talk baby-talk.
49) Whoever invented high-heeled shoes.
50) Whoever invented underwires.
51) People who own a small dog, and treat it like it's their child,
putting stupid sweaters on it and taking it with them everywhere they go.
52) Rat boy. (Again, if you don't know, don't ask)
53) People who tell long, elaborate jokes that seem to go on forever,
and then mess up the punchline.
54) Whover decided that The Merchant of Venice was somehow inappropriate
to study in school.
55) People who have taken it upon themselves to cheer up the world,
whether the world wants to be cheered up or not.
56) People who make grammatical mistakes while complaining that no one
uses proper grammar anymore.
57) People who arbitrarily turn nouns into verbs.
58) People who are so determined to be politically correct that they are
no longer able to finish a sentence without the aid of a lawyer.
59) People whose response to any event is to search around for someone
to sue.
60) People who sell religion door-to-door.
61) People who think they can prove or disprove the existence of a god.
62) People with poor personal hygiene.
63) People who sit in a public place and pick things out of their hair.
64) Mothers who wash their children's faces with spit.
65) Mothers who are somehow able to ignore the sound of a small child
repeatedly shrieking "mom!" in the middle of a department store.
66) People who put gum on desks and bus seats.
67) People who, halfway through the school year, find in their locker a
thermos that has been there since the beginning of the year, and then,
god only knows why, decide to open it, thus exposing the world at large
to the smell of mouldy chicken noodle soup.
68) People who say "Hot enough for you?"
69) Anyone who has ever said "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
70) People for whom it is clearly a major effort to maintain their shaky
grasp of the incredibly obvious.
71) People who cannot or will not acknowledge the fact that cats are
basically evil.
72) People who let their cats run loose and get into everyone's garbage.
73) People who are able to recite entire episodes of the Simpsons.
74) People who try to convince you that the world is really a wonderful,
sunny, cheerful place, if only you look at it right.
75) Vegetarians who are smug about it. (celery is a living thing, too,
you know!)
76) People who, even if you pulled a gun on them, would not be able to
wrap their minds around the concept that you really don't like them.
77) People who develop a totally new outlook on life every couple of
months, and then feel compelled to tell you about it in great detail,
whether you want to hear it or not.
78) People who tell you the ending of a movie before you've seen it. (Anthony Perkins is his own mother!)
79) People who sit near you in movie theatres and loudly point out
obvious events in the movie as they occur
80) People who pronounce the word "film" with 2 syllables.
81) People who talk to malfunctioning vending machines, like it's
suddenly going to turn out that the machine really CAN sell them a
chocolate bar, and it was just waiting to hear the magic words.
82) People who chew with their mouths open.
83) People who repeat themselves.
83) People who repeat themselves.
84) People who don't know that they have bad breath.
85) People who chew watermelon gum.
86) People who whistle tunelessly.
87) People who talk to television and movie characters, as if the
characters can hear them.
89) People who pick their teeth in public.
90) People who catch onto jokes just slightly later than everyone
else.
91) People who think they can sing, but who really can't.
92) Unfunny people who really believe that they have wonderful
senses of humour.
93) People who believe that making bad puns is the same as having
a sense of humour.
94) The so-called "artists" who paint those pictures of vases of
flowers and cross-eyed cats that are available in fine shopping
malls everywhere.
95) People who actually buy said pictures, and hang them in their
living rooms, and think that this means that they are cultured.
96) Whoever first decided that kindergarten students should have to make
pictures by gluing pasta onto cardboard.
97) Phys. ed teachers.
98) Those people who are always making craft-type projects, and who
consequently are always urging people to save things that are obviously
garbage, such as egg cartons and pistachio shells.
99) People who give fruitcakes as serious Christmas presents.
100) People who mow their lawns at 8:00 on a Sunday morning.
101) People who insist on giving you gardening advice, whether you want
it or not.
I have decided that, even though 101 is a lovely number for a list such as this,
the rest of the annoying people in the world are getting off too lightly, so I am going to
continue to add to the list.
102) People who say "That's besides the point."
103) People who meow Christmas songs in May. (Yes, I actually know people who do this.)
104) People who come into a room and yell "What are you doing" when it is obvious
what you are doing and they really want to know why you are doing it.
105) People who use the word "seriously" in conversation, regardless of whether or
not you show any signs of disbelieving them.
106) Martha Stewart
107) People for whom whatever Oprah Winfrey has said recently is a major influencing
factor in decision making.
108) People who mindlessly send on every pointless forwarded e-mail that comes their way.
109) People who send forwards without bothering to delete the 7- or 8-thousand
accumulated ">"s.
110) People who, when talking about a single hyptothetical person, will attempt
to be politically correct by using "their" or "them" instead of "his" or "him",
thus rendering their sentences grammatically incorrect.
111) People who send you eight billion icq messages in a row while they're in
"do not disturb" mode, so that you have to read their stupid little "do not
disturb" message every time.
112) People who ask you a question, and then, exactly one nanosecond later,
answer it for you, claiming that you're not thinking fast enough.
113) People who will quite cheerfully pronounce all foreign words as if they
were in fact English words, and then look confused when you try to correct them.
114) People who are far too serious about collecting beanie babies, pokemon cards, or
decorative plates.
115) People who borrow your coat, and then return it with kleenex in the pockets.
116) People who correct your grammar and pronounciation and who urge
you
to do the same because they want to be well-spoken but are obviously
annoyed with you when you do.
117) People who call others on the phone and greet them by saying "Hi,
who's this?" as though they you called them!
118) The do-I-look-fat girls who ask only to hear that they're not fat.
119) People who tell you you have emotional problems.
120) People who ask when you say "don't ask."
121) People who continuously call you ALL THE FREAKING time and don't get the hint you DON'T want to talk.
122) People who call and let the phone ring twice.
123) People who call and you say "I am eating dinner.." and they call back 5 minutes later. Hmmm and did I not say I was eating?
124) People who call, and when you say "I'll call you back" they go ahead and call you 90 million times instead.
125) People who keep talking and talking and talking when you feel like sh** and don't feel like talking to anyone.
126) People who call you and somehow relate spinach to monkeys.
127) People who nasally end phone calls with "mmmmmbyebye."
128) Haughty little receptionists who ask your name by employing the following phrase: "And you are...?"
129) Talk Show Hosts.
If you feel that I have missed someone who should be on this list, then feel free to contact me.
(Please use the mailbox)
