The University Student Purity Test
Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.
Have you ever attended college or university?
Have you ever lived in residence?
Have you switched your major?
...More than once?
Do you have a large collection of quarters saved up for laundry?
Have you made a purchase of more than $10 using laundry quarters?
Do you find yourself getting angry because vending machines won't take pennies?
Have you consumed nothing but alcohol for a period of a day?
...three days?
...a week?
Have you spent the night in someone else's residence room?
...for purely nonsexual purposes?
Have you ever slept through an entire day of classes?
Have you ever slept in class?
...and snored?
Have you ever missed two or more classes in a row because you were doing something totally unproductive (sleeping doesn't count)
Have you ever bumped into one of your profs at a bar, pub, liquor store, etc?
Ever seen a prof drunk?
Ever been seen drunk by a prof?
Ever write a test while under the influence of drugs or alcohol?
Gone to the meal hall wearing a bathrobe?
...just underwear?
...nothing at all?
Eaten something at the meal hall that no one else at your table could identify?
...enjoyed it?
Ever used the phone to talk to someone who lives three doors down from you or closer?
Talked on the phone while using icq?
...and reading your email?
...and talking to someone who's in the room with you?
Had to keep your door locked because you were involved in a prank war?
Started and finished an essay or other project after 3:00 am the day it was due?
Started an essay during the class in which it was due?
...the day after it was due?
...the week after?
...at the end of the semester?
Shown up to class hungover?
Stayed up until 4 a.m. or later doing purity quizzes?
...playing truth or dare?
Looked up porn on the internet, purely for the purpose of laughing at it?
Changed the wallpaper on someone else's computer to a pornographic image?
Have you ever had a roommate?
Ever seriously considered maiming or killing your roommate?
Scheduled classes so you could sleep in as late as possible?
Gone for more than a month without doing laundry?
Worn the same pair of pants for three or more days in a row?
Worn the same underwear for more than one day?
...a week?
...had to get them surgically removed?
Worn unmatching socks because they were the only ones you had left?
Worn unmatching socks because you liked the way they looked?
Washed a dry-clean-only item of clothing in the washing machine?
...and run it through the dryer?
Left your door unlocked for two or more days because you couldn't find your keys?
Gone to an event only because there was free food?
Commented aloud on how much better university would be without all those pesky classes?
Deliberately set your clock fast in an effort to get to class on time?
...and still gotten to class late?
Shown up more than halfway through a class?
...with only 10 minutes left?
...after the class had ended?
Worked on a project or assignment while drunk or stoned?
Watched a movie about college or university, and thought, "Who do they think they're kidding. Residence rooms aren't nearly that big."?
Been involved in a protest?
Skipped one class to do work for another?
Burned candles or incense in a residence room?
...and then left the room while they were still burning?
Seriously considered sleeping through a fire alarm?
Slept through a fire alarm?
"We have fire alarms?!"?
Had your computer die the night before a big paper was due?
Felt that receiving mail gave your life new meaning?
Run up a monthly phone bill of $100 or more?
E-mailed someone who was sitting in the same computer lab as you?
Walked through the hallways of your residence wearing only a towel?
...through someone else's residence?
Eaten nothing but Mr. Noodles for 3 or more meals in a row?
Eaten nothing but Kraft Dinner for 3 or more meals in a row?
Been such a regular customer at a fast-food restaurant that they know your name and your usual order.
Played "I never"?
Played the Star Wars drinking game?
...and added to the list?
Built your own webpage?
...with no real content?
Lived off-campus?
Lived in a condemned building?
Worked part-time?
...for less than minimum wage?
Bought a plant because you weren't allowed to have pets?
Killed it in less than a month?
...a week?
...24 hours?
Gotten into a long and convoluted argument over whose turn it is to buy beer?
Developed a system for locating specific objects in the enormous pile on your floor?
Considered showers optional for a week or more?
Considered shampoo just as good as soap for washing your whole body?
Showered in three minutes or less and gotten completely clean?
Named a mouse, spider, or insect living in your residence or aparment?
Tried to hang a large, heavy object on the wall using only fun-tak?
E-mailed your parents rather than phoning?
Used your bank card for a purchase of $3 or less?
Good going!
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