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Poems by Jess
A Note From Jess:
I realize a lot of my friends want to help me with my so-called
problem but I really dont like to discuss it with anyone
I know you think you help by talking to me but I can't talk about it.
It has taken me years to realize why I feel this way and even longer
to share these feelings in writing.
I am not yet ready to talk about my problems
I'm not telling you not to e-mail me
just please what I write here I dont want to discuss in real life.
It's not that I don't appreciate everyone's thoughts but I am better off
just writing about what I feel
it took me so long to realize what was wrong
and I would appreciate it very much if you didnt try to help so much
if you have comments, or just feelings on the subjects of me poems I
welcome you to e-mail me
but please dont tell me that I have a problem I know I do.
and I'm not trying to be mean to anyone.
I just dont want to hear that I have a problem or that I need some sort
of psychiatric help.
Really I don't want to be mean
but if I know you in real life please keep what I say on the internet
here.
Dont drag any of this into my personal life.
Well, that's all I gotta say about that.
PLEASE e-mail me if you have thoughts,questions,or comments about my
poems. Even if its negative i'd love to hear from you!
New! Posted January 23, 1999
Death Alone
alone in the woods
huddled inside a hallow place
my brain starts to numb as snow drifts softly over my body
i start to think about the past
about all the things i could've done
about all the people i could've been
i wonder why my luck was so bad
why did i have to be the one to die
so many things have gone wrong in my life
and now this
and now the end of it all
why has my life been such a waste
where did i go wrong
i ask of this my only wish
why must i have to die
why can't i have a chance to change
all that i've done wrong
and why is it no one can hear me crying
why hasn't anyone found me yet
i dont want to die
expecially alone
why wont someone save my life
and bring me back from hell
Destiny
Is my destiny already complete?
So well thought out and planned
Is there someone, somewhere up there
Who knows how I shall end
If it is already known what is to happen
Why must it happen at all
Could I just end it here and now
Never to know what was to become of me?
Jess' Note: this is the first suicidal poem that I have written, I think I am suicidal, but writting seems to help. It has been two years since I wrote that poem, I think writting helps me to collect my thoughts, and vent my anger. If I dod not have my poems, I think I would have committed suicide long ago. It is the best poem that I think I'll ever write. At the time, this is exactly how I felt. Word for word, this is my life. Lots of people have read this poem and only one person so far has understood that it was suicidal. I lied and told the teacher that it wasn't, but I think she knew it wasn't the truth. Anyhow, my life still feels like a never ending storm, but somehow I feel that I will get through. I know that by writtingit on paper, I can make it through anything that God gives to me. With my poems I can be exactly who I want. I can be me, and since it is no one can criticize my thougths or feelings.
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