Welcome to the Southwark Sentinel, a Newspaper in Exile. The Sentinel has been the nation's premier newspaper for over 75 years, keeping Songhrato informed of local and international events as they arose. However, since the invasion of our home land, the offices of the Sentinel have been based in Australia. This has not stopped the Sentinel from continuing to publish hard hitting stories about the Government-in-Exile and the invading nations, as well as keeping readers up to date about other Songhrato around the world. Songhrati representative to address United Nations on Independence issue 25 November 2000 It has been officially announced that Morac-Songhrati-Meads Roving Consul Mr Grantley Philbrook has been granted the opportunity to speak to the United Nations Decolonisation Committee. Mr Philbrook said that he was delighted to receive this opportunity to brief the Decolonisation Committee on the subjugation of Morac-Songhrati-Meads and hoped that this would lead to the eventual regaining of independence for our nation. "I look forward to being able to put our people's point accross to the UN in firm yet friendly terms. I have brushed up on my French language skills which should ensure this is no repeat of the unfortuate situation which occurred during my last visit to the United Nations" said Mr Philbrook, visibly grimacing at the reference to the infamous incident that marred Mr Philbrook's last UN visit. It is hoped that Mr Philbrook's meeting with the UN Decolonisation Committee will lead to a reopening of the dialogue between Morac-Songhrati-Meads and the occupying nations. Songhrati representatives attend Sandalwood Royal Wedding 28 September 2000 Official representatives of the Republic of Morac-Songhrati-Meads were amongst the honoured guests at the wedding of Princess Simone of Sandalwood and Englishman Mr Andrew Spiers in the Sandalwood capital Chelsea yesterday. The wedding was the social event of the year in the Sandalwood Kingdom and amply demonstrated the exalted position Princess Simone holds amongst her adoring subjects. Many royal watchers were surprised when the engagement of Princess Simone to Mr Spiers was first announced as no member of the Sandalwood Royal Family had previously married a commoner. This surprise soon turned to support however as Mr Spiers gained the acceptance of the Sandalwood people who adopted him as one of their own. By virtue of his marriage to the Princess, who is heir to throne of Sandalwood, Mr Spiers has now become Duke Andrew of Chelsea. Princess Simone looked especially radiant throughout the ceremony in her pearl coloured dress, which was rumoured to cost over A$10 000, and bouquet of bairdoli, the national floral symbol of Sandalwood. The representatives of the Republic of Morac-Songhrati-Meads, Minister for Foreign Affairs Mr Grantley Philbrook and Deputy Chief of State Mr Sidath Zoysa, passed on their best wishes to Princess Simone and Duke Andrew and stated that this joyous occasion would lead to a further strengthening of the relationship between the Songhrato and Sandalwood people. Mr Philbrook told the Southwark Sentinel that the spectacular organisation of the wedding and the vast representation of international figures at the event was testimony to the standing of the Sandalwood Kingdom in the international sphere. Mr Philbrook added that he had personally thoroughly enjoyed himself and while he thought that he perhaps met more transsexuals at the ceremony than one thought possible in a single afternoon, the vast amount of free grog available more than compensated for any proximity to men in dresses uneasiness he may have otherwise felt. Furore over best selling Songhrato book 20 April 2000 Top selling Songhrato author Grant Hayward has found himself in the middle of a contentious debate surrounding his new bestselling book ‘Use your Hobby to Get Rich Quick!’ Critics have protested that Mr Hayward has deceived the public into purchasing a book that is of little use to the average person. In reply to the charge that the useful hints in the book were useful only for young, attractive woman whose hobby was having anonymous sex with strangers, Mr Hayward replied that while this may appear to be the case from an initial reading, in reality anyone with enormous breasts willing to perform acts of moral degeneracy would profit greatly from the tips given in ‘Use your Hobby to Get Rich Quick!’ He added that the accompanying photographs were also very artistic and a credit to the flexibility of the models involved. This follows a similar furore over Mr Hayward’s previous publication `101 great whale meat recipes’ and in particular the chapter where Mr Hayward suggested dumping one thousand litres of cooking oil in whale mating grounds and lighting it in order to produce succulent chargrilled baby whale penis. Daring Songhrato Performer causes controversy with new act 20 April 2000 Renowned local thespian Michael "Hepcat" Hepburn has vowed to press on with his one man show ‘That’s not a Water Stain on my Trousers’ despite it being the centre of controversy following public outcry over the show’s content. One shocked audience member, Mr Dhugal Fletcher, said of the show "It began innocently enough, with the artiste performing nude callisthenics to a backing tape of ‘All Shook Up’ but from the moment the offal and cricket bat made an appearance, the show just degenerated into a gruesome display of barbaric depravity and mindless human rights violations. For God Sakes people, when he asks for a volunteer from the audience, I beg you not to accept. It may seem innocent at first and the fish may look harmless but try explaining that to the ambulance crew afterwards." Mr Fletcher was then led away for further counselling. Critics are mixed in their reviews of ‘That’s not a Water Stain on my Trousers’. "The show made me long for the restrained dramas of the Marquis De Sade" wrote the Adelaide Advertiser, while a review in the Sydney Morning Herald called the show "Unspeakably Vile". The Theatre Reviewer from the Brisbane Courier Mail unfortunately did not survive the riot that erupted in the audience during the show’s second act and was therefore unable to attest to the quality of the performance. When asked for his opinion on the controversy caused by ‘That’s not a Water Stain on my Trousers’, Mr Hepburn was unrepentant. "I don’t understand what all the fuss is about" said Mr Hepburn, "The show is suitable for the whole family… Well, except for the kids, and perhaps any elderly relatives. Oh, and feminists may not find it suitable at all… and come to think of it, animal lovers may not find it to their taste either. Any Eastern European members of the family may find it, let’s say, slightly offensive and, well I suppose Western European members of the family may find it, let’s say, really fucking offensive … And I guess any member of the family who has eaten in the preceding 24 hours should also be advised not to attend." Check your local guides for further details of the touring schedule of ‘That’s not a Water Stain on my Trousers’. Humans Rights violations against Morac-Songhrati-Meads citizens uncovered by Amnesty International 5 April 2000 Amnesty International, in conjunction with members of The Morac-Songhrati-Meads Government-in-Exile, have discovered numerous instances of human rights abuses against our fellow countrymen and women. Amnesty International Officer Ruth Amesekara said that she believed the incidents of human rights violations were amongst the worst she had seen. "The atrocities against Songhrato we have uncovered are the equal of those I have witnessed in Rwanda and almost as bad as the last time I went Christmas shopping back home in Sri Lanka." This searing indictment of the treatment of Songhrati prisoners by our enemies has led human rights protesters to approach the United Nations seeking justice for our people. As yet we have heard no response from the U.N. For further details, Visit this Site. Warning - Contains images which may be considered shocking. Minister signs Deal with Film Company 21 January 2000 The Morac-Songhrati-Meads Government staged a major coup today with the announcement by the Minister-In-Exile for the Arts, Guy Quaid, that the government had signed a deal with an international film production company to film two movies in Morac-Songhrati-Meads. "This is great news for all Songhrato" said Mr Quaid, "The Government's plan of making Morac-Songhrati-Meads a hub of movie production in the Asia region is well on its way to fruition. In a press release, the film company, Exxxcite Productions, stated that Pre-Production was already under way with filming commencing the moment the invading Chinese, Taiwanese, Vietnamese, Philippine and Malaysian armies were evicted from the country. The two movies, entitled 'Rim Job Rita' & 'Sally Does Songhrati', will be shot in various locations around the archipelago. Both films will star American actress Liza Hornee and feature locals in supporting roles. While Mr Quaid admitted that he was unaware of the plot of either movie, Mr Quaid said that 'Rim Job Rita' was presumably a gritty drama about a cleaning woman named Rita who had to clean toilet rims for a living. "I expect the film will catch the attention of Academy Award members." "In 'Sally Does Songhrati', I believe Sally is an American who holidays in Morac-Songhrati-Meads and gets up to all sorts of hijinks with local plumbers, TV repairmen, shop assistants and the entire Meads Island Fire Department. It all sounds like a lot of fun and will show off the natural beauty of our nation to an appreciative audience." said Mr Quaid. Mr Quaid added that he had been offered a role in one of the films but said that the Producers wanted to 'check his credentials' first before deciding whether Mr Quaid had a large or small part. These will be the first films made in the country since the 1962 Hong Kong financed film "The Legend of the Kung Fu Vampires IV". Heard any news? We want to know about it.