Hickbonics

Meet the Family!

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to
pursue some of the seemingly endless
taxpayer dollars pipelined through Washington by
designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics," as a
language to be taught in all Southern schools.
A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone.
The following are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English
dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"

THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of
barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas
native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the
back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh
puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change
the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna
catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from
Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't
rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to
engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna
whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to
fat for are rats."

Another Family Portrait

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he
sed...must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas:
Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im
some ear!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that
bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from
Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert.
He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see."

VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New
York City... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."