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we are all awash in the sea of spork...grab hold of the spork as i take you thru this journey to sporkism...what is a spork? it was created in sweden by olof and gunther von utensil iv...it has taken over most of europe as eating implements of choice..it has begun it's struggle for domination in china and soon it will make its way thru america in a complete tidal wave of domination and we will be freed from the oppression of spoons and forks...the spork is the signifier...wisdom or truth be signified...now since that is the case, the binary opposite of the spork is the non-spork, or lacking of spork...the binary oppposite of eternal truth and wisdom is lack of knowledge...so therefore if we deconstruct the language and parole of the word spork, we begin to see it's priinciple parts...look at the 'sp'...say it with me now 'sp' hello? am i talking to my elbow??? "sp" say it dammit!!! alright, it's becoming vagrantly apparent to me that this is of no interest or value to you, since you are obvioulsy not a sporkoholic such as myself...so let's move on to the next part of our lesson...sporks have been the subject of many a motion picture, for example 'Empire Sporks Back' 'Raiders of tthe Lost Spork' 'Sporkville' 'Top Spork' 'Sporking Miss Daisy' 'Spork Fiction' 'Muppets Take Sporkhatten' you can also catch a peek at sporks on tv in such soaps as 'Guiding Spork' "Young and the Sporkless' ' One Life to Spork' and let's see if this sounds familiar to you 'sporkers in the night...exchanging glances...' 'we're all sporks now..in the spork show' in conclusion to our beneficial lesson in sporkism, it is wise to keep in mind that one day soon, all silverware will be obsolete, make room for the sporks....it may seem frighteningly sporktankerous at first, but you will soon realize that sporks are the only way to go....this concludes our lesson....

by erin rachelle kelly, sporkologist