Pippin Took was bored – bored, bored, bored. And as
the entire Shire knew, a bored Pippin was a dangerous creature! A creature
to be feared! A creature to be avoided at all costs! The only problem
was - whilst the entire Shire knew this, Pippin was not, at this very
moment, in the Shire. Pippin was in Minas Tirith - the land of the unsuspecting,
the land of the blissfully ignorant.
Frodo and Sam were still recovering after their ordeal in
Mordor and Merry from his wounds gained on the Pelennor Fields. All
three older hobbits were content to rest, eat and talk. Pippin’s
tweenager exuberance was a little too much for the older hobbits to
handle at the moment, so the tweenager was encouraged to ‘let
off some steam’ elsewhere.
So Pippin found himself, temporarily, banished and bored.
The young hobbit wandered aimlessly around the city dodging people and
horses when suddenly, the tweenager was struck by a wonderful idea.
If the young Hobbit had been in the Shire, right this minute, with the
same look of mischief on his otherwise angelic face, the hobbits of
the Shire would have been boarding up their places and evacuating.
Inspired, Pippin sought out the kitchen and his room to collect
the items that he would need.
About an hour later the young hobbit, carrying a sack with
all the items that he had collected, made his way to Lord Faramir’s
chambers. Pippin really liked Faramir but thought that the young human
was far too serious of late and needed to loosen up. Pippin knew, as
he was still a member of the palace guards, that Faramir was in a meeting
with Strider and would be for an hour or two more. So he checked that
Faramir’s chambers were clear and then set about implementing
his idea.
The young hobbit placed the sack on the floor and removed
its contents; a light wooden bowl, a pot of honey, a waterskin filled
with water, a feathered pillow, some twine and a knife.
Pippin moved a chair that was sitting in front of the desk
across the room, over to a tall chest of draws that was conveniently
placed near the door. The young hobbit gathered together the wooden
bowl, waterskin and honey, walked over to the chair, climbed it and
placed the items on top of the chest of draws. Standing on tiptoes on
the chair, Pippin poured the honey into the wooden bowl and mixed in
some water from the waterskin so that the honey was not so thick.
The young hobbit climbed back down the chair and gathered
together the pillow and the knife. Taking the knife Pippin created a
slit down the entire length of the pillow. He took the pillow and twine
to the chair and then climbed back onto the chest of draws, being careful
of the bowl filled with very runny honey.
Very carefully, Pippin placed the bowl of honey on the shelf
that was above the door. The shelf ran the around the wall of the entire
room. It was used to place items on show, such as sculptures and pictures.
Pippin used the twine to rig the bowl to tip when the door was opened.
The young hobbit did the same with the slit pillow, filled with feathers.
Pippin removed the incriminating evidence from the chest
of draws, placed the items back into the sack and moved the chair back
to its original position. Pippin placed the sack out on the balcony
that was situated, through glass doors, behind the desk.
The young hobbit hid out on the balcony so that he could
see in through the glass doors. Pippin then waited for Faramir to arrive.
It was only a few minutes later when the door opened and in walked,
not Faramir, but Gandalf. The bowl with the very runny honey tipped,
spilling the contents over the wizard and the feathers fell covering
the wizard and sticking to the honey.
Faramir was behind the wizard and had been spared the honey
but wore a few of the feathers. Pippin, whose heart was now in his mouth,
did not know that Faramir’s eyes could go so wide. Both Steward
and wizard stood, stunned, for what seemed like hours. Faramir was the
first to move as he walked, carefully, past Gandalf and into the room.
“One smirk, one laugh from you, Prince of Ithilien
and that chastisement I gave you on the tower will seem decidedly lenient,”
Gandalf growled in a very soft, very dangerous voice. Faramir coughed,
trying desperately to keep his face impassive as he watched rivulets
of honey, with feathers attached, make their way down Mithrandir’s
face.
“Peregrin Took!! Get in here now!!” Gandalf shouted
as he realised that this could only be the work of the young hobbit.
Pippin started and then cringed. The young tweenager realised
he was trapped as he could not climb down from the balcony. Shaking,
Pippin opened the balcony door and shuffled into the room. Faramir’s
heart went out to the very frightened, very young hobbit.
“Mithrandir. As this was obviously meant for me and
not you, I think I should see to Master Peregrin,” Faramir said
interceding on Pippin’s behalf. “Maybe you should go and
…” Faramir completed the sentence by waving his hand indicating
that the wizard should go and wash off the honey and feathers.
Gandalf turned his full glare on Faramir who accepted it
without flinching.
“See that you do, son of Denethor!” Gandalf growled,
realising that he was too angry to deal with the young hobbit. “Fool
of a Took!” Gandalf growled as he turned and stormed out of the
room.
Faramir let out a breath he did not realise he was holding after Mithrandir
had gone. The Steward turned and looked at Pippin who had not raised
his eyes from the floor.
“Pippin, follow me,” Faramir ordered as he walked
into his private chamber. Faramir sat down in a chair by the fireside.
Pippin stood in front of him, eyes still lowered. Faramir cupped and
raised the young hobbit’s chin until Pippin eyes met his. “What,
young one, was all that about?” Faramir asked in his normal, gentle
tone.
Pippin sighed.
“I thought you were too serious of late and needed
to loosen up,” Pippin answered, pouting slightly.
Faramir blinked and shook his head in bewilderment but could
not help smiling a little.
“This must be a hobbit custom, Master Pippin, for I
am not sure if I was the one wearing honey and feathers, I would feel
loosened,” Faramir said reasonably. “I thank you for your
genuine concern for me; however, what would happen if you had done this
in the Shire?” Faramir asked the young hobbit.
“A sp…spanking,” Pippin answered in a very
small voice.
“And so it shall be, Master Pippin”, Faramir
said gently but decisively. “Leggings down and over my knee, please.”
Pippin lowered his Leggings to his knees and clambered, with
Faramir’s assistance, onto the Steward’s knees.
Faramir wasted no time in starting the punishment. He proceeded
to spank the young hobbit with steady swats until the tweenager was
squirming and whimpering. Faramir concentrated first on the buttocks
and when they had reached a particular shade of red, moved to the young
hobbit’s thighs. Pippin’s whimpers became sobs. Faramir
continued for a few more very hard swats and then ceased the chastisement.
“Sorry…sorry…sorry,” Pippin said
over and over.
Faramir rubbed the young hobbits back and quietly crooned
to him.
Realising that the punishment was over, Pippin clambered
down from Faramir’s knees and pulled up his leggings. Still crying
the hobbit turned to leave. Faramir placed a hand on Pippin’s
arm, turned him around, lifted the repentant hobbit onto his lap, careful
of his sore posterior, and rocked him as he cried.
“All is forgiven, little one,” Faramir crooned
to Pippin. Pippin started crying even harder. “What is this, little
one?” Faramir asked, perplexed.
“You sound just like Boromir. I miss him.” Pippin
sniffed.
Faramir tried to swallow the lump that suddenly lodged in
his throat.
“So do I, little one, so do I,” Faramir said
as he continued to rock the young hobbit.
After a while Pippin stopped crying. The young hobbit pulled
away from Faramir slightly and smiled. Faramir placed Pippin on his
feet.
“I think it is time for you to go and get a mop and
bucket and clean up that mess you made out there,” Faramir ordered
the young hobbit.
Pippin scrunched up his nose at the thought. Then he brightened.
“After that I can have something to eat. I wonder if
they have any bread and honey.” Pippin said as he walked out of
the room.
Faramir could only smile in wonder and bewilderment at the
resilience of hobbits. The reference to bread and honey made Faramir
remember the honey and feathers Mithrandir was wearing as the wizard
had stormed out. This thought led to the giggles and the giggles led
to laughter. Faramir was in full flight when Aragorn and Legolas stepped
into the room. The look of bewilderment on both their faces had Faramir
howling in laughter. It was a long time before the Steward of Gondor
could find voice enough to tell the King and elf what had happened.
