The Story Of Hump Alot Harold
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.I'm back again for another addition of my successful show.
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This time I’m focussing on a gorgeous young man called Darren "Hump a lot" Harold, 16. Why the hump a lot, I hear you ask, well sit down and be patient for I will now tell the story of how he got this bizarre name.
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Now Darren lived in Weeting a small village, nice place with many folks living there but lets say it was lacking in the "fit" female area. Now Darren had been single for sum time now. His last Girl friends passed away at the grand old age of 85. He was with her for 4 years, he ad loved her very much but she only put out when she was drunk. Due to the fact hat her liver was very bad she couldn’t drink. So for 4 years Darren only had his hand for company. Occasionally he’d get to third base, it was an experience he’d say, as Doreen (his gf) had false teeth and sum times when Daz would look down to his dearest he’d only see a pair of false teeth on, cough, himself. But that’s another story, for another time.
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So Darren did not get a home run. Ahhhhh. But after Doreen past he did not despair he moved on. Down the road lived a nice young lady named Doris. I think u can see Darren’s taste in women by now, "the experienced lady". So He pursued Doris for years and years but only getting to third base again. She had trouble with commitment u see. Eventually Doris past away, God rest her soul. He had given up; two failed relationships had destroyed him. So Darren decided he next best thing. Something, which had not got a problem wit commitment, something, which had no choice. Not a blow up doll before u say anything, it just didn’t have the right feel a female reproductive organ has...... He wanted that feeling soooo bad. When one day the answer struck him.
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Opposite his house he had a road, there was the answer to his dreams. She was beautiful, the most beautiful thing in the world to him. Their eyes met across the road. They both stopped and looked at each other. He didn’t no what to say, or even if she'd hear him. So he just stared in wonder at this amazing being that stood before him. Without knowing it he was out side his house walking to her. Then the two were facing each other. She was going to speak. Her mouth moved and produced the most soul enchanting sound to Darren.
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"BAHHHHH, "BAHHHHHH"
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It was music to his ears. Darren's heart melted in his chest. He felt warm inside, and other places too. She turned round inviting him............. Darren saw his chance and took it. .
So Darren had met his perfect partner that day. Every day Darren is out there in the field wit Mavis, the sheep, humping a lot, and I mean a lot. So the Village Weeting caringly called him
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"Darren Hump A lot Harold."
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This Concludes Another Chapter Of "THE JIM CHRONICALS"
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Untill Next Time Folks, This Was Jim, Goodbye.