7 Steps You Can Take to Avoid Panicking.
(It Doesn't Help,
You Know),
by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach
Something's making you anxious. In today's world it could
be any number of things, and sometimes several in
combination. Maybe it's a big assignment at work with a
pressure deadline you're not sure you can do it all and you
feel your job depends upon it. Or you suspect your
husband's having an affair and you need to make the
confrontation. Or your adult child has just been diagnosed
with cancer and chemotherapy starts next week and so does
your new job. Or you've been out of work for 6 months and
the bills are piling up.
Whatever it is, you feel overwhelmed and find yourself
getting panicky sometimes. You're going along okay and
then it starts - your heart's pounding, your pulse is
racing, your eyes well up with tears, and you want to run or
hide.
The trouble is that in this state you can't think, and clear
thinking is what you need. You need resources, a strategy
with action steps, and calm resolution to take the first
one. How do you get there from here?
STEP ONE: Self-soothe. All forms of panicking involve
losing your breath, and you need your breath for
inspiration; the root of that word means "breath in"
incidentally. Your thinking brain needs oxygen in order to
function, and you need deep breathing to accomplish this.
Breathe deeply. The knot in your stomach will relax. We
experience our emotions through our bodies, i.e., shortness
of breath, a knot in the stomach, sweating palms signal us
that we're anxious. Deep breathing is incompatible with the
physiological effect of negative emotions.
STEP TWO: Clear Your Head & Add Positive Self-Talk and
Prayer. Your head is spinning and the worst-case
scenario-fantasy is escalating out-of-control. Breathe
deeply. Replace "I can't take this," and "I'll end up on
the streets" with "I'm competent and can handle this," and
"I've been through tough times before and everything turned
out fine."
If you can't get there, replace it with something neutral,
the verbal equivalent of counting sheep. Run through the
alphabet. Silently recite nursery rhymes. Do math
equations.
Pray. Here is a method for praying if you need one:
http://www.susandunn.cc/goldenkey.htm . You can submit a
confidential prayer request to Unity here:
http://www.unityonline.org/pray_submitprayerrequest.htm .
STEP THREE: Think Optimistically. This is functional
optimism - or 'learned' optimism, as Martin Seligman, Ph.D.,
the father of positive psychology calls it. It has to do
with how you look at what's happened. Thinking it's
personal ("It's all my fault"), pervasive ("I screw up
everything"), and permanent ("I always have and I always
will"), will make it worse.
The essence of Optimism is avoiding the downward spiral, so
distract yourself. Keep your social life going. Rent a
funny video (laughter helps the immune system and helps us
think more creatively). Stay busy. Don't ruminate.
STEP FOUR: Bring in extra resources for taking care of
yourself. Treating your physical body well, and having
someone to talk to will help. Also remember "water inside,
water outside." If you have plenty of money, just book the
appointments: Get massages. Hire a coach or therapist.
Make an appointment with a nutritionist and start
supplements to bolster your immune system. (Stress attacks
your immune system.) Sit in the hot tub at the Club an
extra hour or take a cruise. (Drink water, be in water,
look at water.) Sign up for the night tennis league for
more exercise, and take Tai Chi and Meditation.
However, if you are also tight on funds, here are
suggestions:
· Talk to your minister or rabbi
· Try the Stephen Ministry, an outreach offered by
thousands of church organizations that's
interdenominational and free. You'll be given a trained
layperson to walk with you at this difficult time. Start
calling churches to find one.
· If there is a lake, river or ocean nearby, go there and
sit and look at it (paddle on it, swim in it).
· See if your friends' apartment complexes have hot tubs or
swimming pools you can use.
· Find free public facilities for swimming, tennis, biking.
· Walk in parks. Go to free art museums. (Nature and
culture are healing.)
· If your problem is financial, or credit card debt, go see
a bankruptcy attorney. The appointment is free. To make a
plan you need information. You need to know your options,
and your Uncle Henry's is not good enough.
· Find a Prayer Service. Go there and let them pray for
you.
· Check the yellow pages and see if there's a non-profit
counseling center that has a sliding scale fee.
· Drinking water is free. Do it.
. Trade massages with your partner or a friend
STEP FIVE: Do NOT isolate yourself. This is the worst
thing you can do for your physical, mental, emotional and
spiritual health, and will have long-term effects beyond the
current crisis.
When her husband died, my Great Aunt Louise, a very
resilient person, told me, "If you're having a dog fight,
invite me. I need to be with people." That's healthy and
assertive.
Get back into groups you've let drop, and join new ones.
Add a mid-week religious service. Find a Sunday School
class that's interactive. Volunteer for group projects.
Continue making and accepting invitations.
STEP SIX: Make a strategy. It's important that you
actually write it down. Make a column for each challenge
you're facing, and underneath each one write the steps you
can take. Prioritize the issues, and take the first step
under the most important one. Continue.
A coach, therapist or Stephen minister can help you with
strategy. But first you have to calm your emotions (and
take care of your health).
STEP SEVEN: Take action.
And P.S., stay away from negative people.
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach,
http://www.susandunn,cc . I offer coaching, Internet
courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for career,
relationships, transition, resilience. I train and certify
EQ coaches. For more information on this fast, affordable,
comprehensive, no-residency program,
mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .
The information contained above is intended for general reference purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified professional.
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