Grief: How Long Does it Take?

by Judith Wimpee

A complaint often heard from people who are grieving is about questions like, "Shouldn´t you be getting over it by now?" "How long are you going to carry on like this?" "He/She wouldn´t want you to feel this way." Gee, I thought you´d be over this, it was only your grandfather."

So how long is long enough? My reply is, "As long as it takes for you." Just as each of us has individual DNA and fingerprints, so do we have individual and unique ways of saying goodbye to our loved ones. There are no rules or time limits on how long one should grieve. For some, the grief period will be brief, for others it may be years. Studies have found that typically people take somewhere between six months and two years. If you take less time or more time, does that mean you are not normal? Absolutely not! It means that you are unique and need your own time frame to work through the grief process

Remember: There is no time limit or requirement for the grief process. Many factors influence the grief process; one being the strength of the relationship with the deceased. A son or daughter could have a distant relationship with the parent and the grief may be shorter. A granddaughter may have a very close relationship with the grandparent and take much longer to grieve the death. Neither scenario is more right or more wrong. It simply is the time that each individual must take to complete the grieving process. If one is not allowed to work through the grief process there can be many complications that arise, both physically and mentally. So, when someone asks you how much longer you´re going to be like this, answer the with the truth "As long as it takes for me."

Judith Wimpee, MA is a psychotherapist serving the Highlands Ranch, Littleton and South Denver, Colorado area. She specializes in grief and loss therapy. Grief and loss can occur from divorce, job loss, moving, and children leaving home as well as death. She can be contacted at 303-595-5454 or at JWimpeeMA@aol.com

The information contained above is intended for general reference purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified professional.

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