Perseverance v. Being Stubborn

by Susan Dunn, Emotional Intelligence Coach

DEFINITIONS

Perseverance - To go on resolutely in spite of opposition, importunity, or obstacles; to remain unchanged or fixed in a specified character, condition, or position; to stick with something, especially something difficult or challenging

Being stubborn - Bring unreasonably or perversely unyielding; mulish; unyielding and unopen to reason; performed or carried on in an obstinate or rigid manner; difficult to handle, manage or treat

COMPARISONS

Going forward vs. Stonewalling

Working toward something vs. Refusing to do something

Having a positive goal vs. Having a negative goal

Making something happen vs. Not permitting something to happen

EXAMPLE

Henry Ward Beecher said, "The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't."

Selina persevered in her goal of becoming a teacher. She kept at it despite a lot of obstacles. At one point she had to stop and take a job to pay the tuition. At another time, her study was interrupted when her husband was transferred. To get her degree and become a teacher took a lot of time, energy and money, but she persevered and achieved her goal.

Evan was stubborn and withholding in his relationship with Esmerelda. He would not give her what she wanted under any circumstances. He would ask her where she wanted to go for dinner. She would say, "Mexican food." He would say, "No." She would ask him to suggest something and he would say again, "No, you choose." Then the game would start again. Evan was impossible and "mulish."

KEY POINT

It's good to persevere, and not good to be stubborn. When you persevere, you are working toward a positive goal that's attainable. You are flexible and creative in pursuing possible alternatives toward your goal.

When you're being stubborn, you're either being negative to yourself (refusing to give up when you should), or to others (refusing to do what they want or to give them what they want), or to something (being in denial and refusing to face the facts).

BENEFITS

When you persevere, you make things happen. When you're being stubborn you just stop things from happening. Persevering accomplishes something. Being stubborn accomplishes nothing.

RELATED DISTINCTIONS

Being open to new possibilities vs. Saying no to new possibilities

Making suggestions vs. Just saying no to other people's suggestions

Active vs. Reactive

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc .
Coaching, distance learning, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. I train and certify EQ coaches. Get in this field, dubbed "white hot" by the press, now, before it's crowded, and offer your clients something of exceptional value. Start tomorrow, no residence requirement. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine or more information.

The information contained above is intended for general reference purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified professional.

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