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Have You Prepared Your Child For The School Bully?
Copyright © 2004, Patricia Gatto
Joyful Productions
School violence. The very words send shivers down a parent's
spine. Does the phrase school bully evoke the same emotions?
It should.
As subtle as it may seem, bullying is a form of violence.
Experts estimate that almost 75% of today's youth will be
involved in some aspect of bullying before they enter high
school. And the chances are, your child will be one of the
statistics. Long gone is the idea that bullying is a natural
process of youth, a coming of age. It is unacceptable behavior
and the long lasting ramifications are far too great to ignore.
Before you can prepare your child for the bully, it is important
to understand what constitutes this type of behavior. Bullying
is defined as aggressive behavior repeatedly targeted at a child
of lesser physical or emotional strength. However, although a
child might not be the target of a bully, bystanders are also
victims
.
Bullying behavior is typically classified in three categories:
· Physical bullying is physical intimidation, hitting, kicking,
pushing, choking, and/or spitting.
· Verbal bullying is name-calling, threats, taunting, teasing,
rumor spreading, and slander.
· Social bullying is intentional exclusion and isolation from
social and peer group activities by manipulation and rumor
spreading.
The characteristics of a bully include impulsive, dominating
behavior, a low frustration level, a lack of empathy, a need
to be the center of attention, and unhealthy attitudes towards
violence and its consequences.
Although many believe insecurity and self-loathing are at the
root of a bully's problem, usually the opposite is true. Bullies
tend to be over confidence. They portray a fearless nature and
physical strength, qualities often admired by their peers.
Many factors within a child's environment can contribute to their
aggressive behavior, including family, peers group, neighborhood,
society, and school. Children who bully are more likely to
experience violence or neglect in the home and have less
supervision and involvement from their parents. Children picked
on by older siblings tend to become bullies themselves. Others
see bullying as a means to gain acceptance, friendship, and
popularity.
The victim of a bully is typically a child who appears insecure
or cautious, a child that rarely defends or retaliates when
confronted, and/or a child lacking in social skills or physical
strength. Unfortunately, since bullies lack compassion,
children with physical disabilities are also prey, and so are
overweight children, and those that wear glasses or have a
speech impediment. However, any child can be the victim of a
bully. Bullies will also challenge popular children in attempt
to gain more popularity. Sometimes it is just a matter of being
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The bully needs an audience. Therefore, bulling primarily
occurs on school grounds and is played out in front of a group.
Lunchrooms, playgrounds, hallways, locker rooms, and bathrooms
are prime areas for confrontation.
The elements of confrontation include the leader (bully), the
followers, the victim, and the bystanders. Research shows that
over 75% of school children will be involved in some aspect of
bullying before they reach high school, playing at least one,
if not more of these roles.
The consequences of bullying are many. Children will go to
great lengths to avoid being the victim of a bully. If they are
not prepared in a positive way, they will naturally resort to
negative ways of coping such as cutting class, feigning illness,
poor grades, and social withdrawal.
For a child repeatedly victimized by a bully, humiliation, fear,
anxiety, and depression are constant companions that can lead to
harmful, shocking, and unexpected behavior from an otherwise shy
and timid child.
Victims may feel ashamed and tend to view themselves as
failures. They are more prone to stress related illnesses such
as headaches and stomachaches. In extreme cases, the victim of
a bully can experience sever depression and entertain thoughts
of suicide.
Lack of safety is a top concern to young people, and bullying is
a real and constant threat. When a child's sense of security is
compromised, the child usually responds by taking the role of
bystander, even if the victim is a friend. This burdens a child
and may cause him or her to harbor feelings of guilt because
they did nothing to stop or prevent the bullying. Reasons for
not reporting bullying or helping a friend in trouble include
fear of retribution and exclusion as well as other personal
consequences.
A lack of security deeply damages the learning environment and
process. It may result in the disruption of the classroom, and
preoccupy students. It can also inhibit a child's creativity
and self-expression. Subsequently, this leads to poor attention
spans and academic achievements suffer.
Prepare Your Child For The Bully
· Teach your child to walk tall and proud and to maintain eye
contact. Body language is important in all aspects of your
child's life. Portraying a positive, self-confident stature
will help your child cope in many areas.
· Teach your child to accompany the confident posture with
positive, self-affirming thoughts that valid his or her rights
as a person. These affirmations will aid your child in
speaking up without provoking a bully, and very well serve
to defuse the situation.
· The element of surprise can make the bully take a step back.
Bullies like easy prey. A joke, a flip comment, or a question
is an unexpected response to harassment, and might be just
enough to make the bully think his actions aren't delivering
the desired outcome.
· Help your child to identify role models. Encourage your child
to read stories that inspire. Share this time with your child
and point out how strength of character and perseverance can
achieve positive outcomes without resorting to violence or
force.
· Writing is another avenue to help your child cope. Encourage
your child to keep a diary or journal, write poetry, or write
songs. Creativity and self-expression are important and
productive tools used to work through negative issues.
Writing provides a safe outlet for a child. Point out the
benefits of journaling positive experiences as well as
expressing their feelings about bullying.
· Friendships are very important. If you child has difficulties
making or maintaining friends, intervene and help. Friendships
are a protection against bullying. Observe and identify
children that might have things in common with your child and
arrange a visit. Encourage your child to join activities that
will build strength and confidence.
About The Authors
Patricia Gatto, together with her husband, John De Angelis are
the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, a 32-page children's book.
Richly illustrated by Kenneth Vincent, this is the tale of a
lonely boy and his struggles with the school bullies. With the
help of a mischievous gnome, young Milton embarks on a magical
journey to friendship and self-acceptance as he answers the
question, "Wouldn't it be great to get even?" with an emphatic
"no", not even in his dreams.
MILTON'S DILEMMA addresses the issues in an entertaining, yet
thorough and provoking manner. The authors present their story
at schools, libraries, and community events in an effort to help
children identify and cope with the negative and aggressive
behavior of bullying. Their goal is to foster awareness and
provide children with an understanding of their rights to a
safe and healthy learning environment.
Inspired by John's personal childhood experience, this husband
and wife writing team share their message with an animated and
entertaining reading from their book, original songs, and
practical advice. In addition, the program provides a platform
for educators to build and enforce anti-bullying policies
throughout the year as they encourage children to come forward
and report incidents of bullying.
Patti and Johnny recently relocated to Pennsylvania with their
son, Alexander. The beautiful serenity of Lake Wallenpaupack
provides a perfect creative backdrop to pursue their careers
as screenwriters, authors of children's books, and presenters.
Their personal goals include using film and printed media as a
means to present a positive, educational, non-violent format
for families and especially children.
MILTON'S DILEMMA is available for $15.95 through Joyful
Productions on the web at http://www.joyfulproductions.com,
Amazon.com, and by calling 570-857-0255. The authors /
screenwriters are available for interviews and presentations,
and are especially interested in participating in fundraisers
for the benefit of children.
Title: MILTON'S DILEMMA
Authors: Patricia Gatto & John De Angelis
Illustrator: Kenneth Vincent
Publisher: Providence Publishing Company (Houston)
ISBN: 0-9651661-9-8
Format: Hardcover
Dimensions: (in inches): 0.38 x 9 x 7
Pages: 32
Genre: Children's Picture Book
Target Audience: Ages 6-10
Cover Price: $15.95
Publication Date: July 2004
References
Bonds, Psy.D., Marla, and Stoker, M.S.W., Sally. 2000. Bully
Proofing Your School. Logmont, CO: Sopris West.
Olweus, Ph.D., Dan. 1999. Blueprints for Violence Prevention,
Book Nine: Bullying Prevention Program. Boulder, CO: Center
for the Study and Prevention of Violence.
Palomares, Susanna, and Schilling, Dianne. 2001. How to Handle
a Bully. Torrance, CA: Innerchoice Publishing.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Take a Stand.
Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now! [cited June 2004] Available
from http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.
See How You Can Help
Visit Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop the Bullying Now!
Patricia Gatto, together with her husband, John De Angelis are
the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, a 32-page children's book.
Richly illustrated by Kenneth Vincent, this is the tale of a
lonely boy and his struggles with the school bullies. MILTON'S
DILEMMA is available for $15.95 through Joyful Productions on
the web at
http://www.joyfulproductions.com, Amazon.com, and by
calling 570-857-0255. The authors/screenwriters are available
for interviews and presentations, and are especially interested
in participating in fundraisers for the benefit of children.
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