A Word on Drugs
*NOTE: I wrote this while I was high. It's my response to the current attitude projected by many on the state of drug use these days. It also touches on the truth of highs, and not the mass propaganda you're bombarded with.
I sit here and ponder silently all the woes surrounding me. Well, woe is an apt choice of word. What I experience is mainly nothing more than casual nuisances. To me, at this current state of time, I’ll believe what I want to believe and no amount of coercing is going to change that. Fuck truth. Fuck logic. You only know what your mind is telling you to know and that’s right now. Right now, my mind is pushing me to ponder over woes I thought I had forgotten. The state of marijuana use, perhaps, at this current time could be considered the most important woe. You have to understand though; there usually is only one woe. One woe is enough to trigger all of the evils in your life. Things you buried, things you have forgotten. The memories will remain dormant, hidden for as long as you need them to be, but the feelings you can never forget. The feelings will arise. Horrors forgotten. Don’t get me wrong though, I love it. Perhaps you don’t follow my pattern of thought. Perhaps to you, I just sound like some sort of burn-out junkie. People nowadays perceive it to be all about hiding. Hiding from problems. Hiding from truth. No. That’s not it at all. The truth is right in your face. You have the choice to see it. To achieve a complete trip is not the object of this game. You just want peace. You just want quiet. You just want to be dumb again. The exciting, glamorous world of drugs and narcotics looms in front of your face with every television show, every newspaper, and every piece of shit media source bombarding you with their propaganda. They beg for you to be a casual onlooker. Shake your head in disappointment, not understanding. Fuck that. I say don’t listen. It’s not about misery. It’s not about happiness. It’s the feeling in between. I have a choice. I can choose to spend my money differently. But why would I? Why would I bother? To fill my life with the emptiness of gloss? To distract myself from everything? No. My money is better kept spent. Spent on something that creates nothingness. There’s no such thing as addiction. Addiction fuels numbness. I feel. I feel everything. I know everything. I just choose to sleep through it.
-Astrid.
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