Stupid things to say
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
Everybody repeat after me..."We are all individuals."
Death to all fanatics!
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
There's no future in time travel.
If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Clairvoyants meeting cancelled due to unforeseen events.
Clones are people two.
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