1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in
public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep
Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your
pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder
to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food,
and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your
grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark,
17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to

keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU
think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part
of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue
your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the
listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything
they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers
and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises
when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to
avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard,
and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance
with prophesy." 27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll
be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your
hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink
cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in
a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 32. Holler random numbers
while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are
green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI
copyright warnings. 38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a
"croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every
show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic
parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat
their complimentary mints by the cash register.