PG-13
Pairing: Elladan and Elrohir – implied Elladan/Glorfindel.
Disclaimer: The characters are the property of JRR Tolkien and whoever else can lay honest claim to them. The story is mine – no one else deserves the blame for it!
Summary: The time of Awakening finds Elrohir struggling with his feelings for Elladan.
Notes: 1) This is set probably somewhere around the beginning of the Third Age. The twins are around 16 in human years. Awakening for Elves is much the same as puberty in humans. 2) First in series: Days of Light and Darkness.

Into this night I wander,
It's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of,
The path I fear to tread.

Into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here,
I won't be denied.

I would be the one to hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away,
After I wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes…

(Sarah McLachlan – Possession)

The rays of the morning sun stretched over the horizon, bathing the streamers of cloud in a pinkish hue. Elladan watched the golden orb floating upwards over the edge of the valley, until the water reflecting the sunlight made him close his eyes against the glare. Around his feet the water now flowed quietly after its tumultuous fall from the truncated rocks of the valley sides. Beneath the clear water each tiny grain of the sandy bed visible, and green fronds of water weed waved gently in the current. The sharp snap of twigs some feet off splintered the tranquillity, and Elrohir bounded through the foliage to fling himself out flat onto the soft grass. Morning dew clung to his tunic like tiny jewels.

"Morning," Elladan said, taking in his brother's countenance from beneath a raised eyebrow.

"*Good* morning!" Elrohir countered, propping himself up on one elbow. His long dark hair was half loose from its knotted tail and flopped, tousled, across his flushed face. His grey eyes sparkled like crystals in rock.

"There is no need upon my to ask where you have been," Elladan observed dryly."You did not come home last night."

"You did not either!" Elrohir defended himself. "Our bed was not slept in."

"The difference is that you knew where to find me," Elladan pointed out. "I have been here most of the night."

Elrohir had the grace to blush. "I was just commenting! There is certainly no need for you to assume that I have been off…"

"Being a bed warmer?"

"Exactly."

"So, where were you?" Elladan asked sceptically.

"Being a bed warmer," Elrohir admitted sheepishly.

Elladan chuckled. "It will fall off if you carry on this way."

Elrohir shot him a look of mock terror and clutched at the front of his trousers. Elladan snorted. Elrohir's expression sobered.

"Although how you would know this, I cannot imagine," he said, eyeing his twin accusingly.

Beneath his tunic, Elladan's muscles contracted, a frown forming on his face. "You say that only because I am not preoccupied with promiscuity. Unlike you, I do not desire to sleep with every Elf in Imladris."

"Just one would be a good start!" Elrohir challenged him.

"Just what is your problem with my desire to keep my virtue?"

"I…oh – I don't know! It's just that…we have shared everything up until the present. And this…this is such a gift, I just want to show you somehow, share it with you." Elrohir rolled over onto his back, with a satisfied smile of recollection. "Moon and Stars, I know not how you can stand to keep so chaste – go out and find someone to take it!”

"Take it yourself if it means so much to you!" Elladan quipped.

A heartbeat.

"I assume you did not mean that literally," Elrohir said in a strange voice.

"Elrohir." Elladan leaned over, stretching across his brother's prone body with one arm to pin him into the dirt. He bent closer so that his breath stirred against Elrohir's lips, while Elrohir's caught in his throat.

"You know I love you," Elladan said seriously. "But. I really do not want to sleep with you."

So saying, he clapped his mouth to Elrohir's in a sloppy, brotherly kiss. Elrohir lay still for a moment, his eyes wide and his jaw open. Then he lunged to his feet with an incoherent splutter and ran after the bolting Elladan.

Elladan fled at full stretch along the riverbank. The cool morning breeze whipped his hair back from his face as he hurtled through the damp grass. Half a heartbeat later he was flat on his face in that same grass as Elrohir took advantage of the slippery dew to slide forwards and kick his feet out from underneath him. Elrohir's weight thumped down on top of him and the ants scattered to avoid being inhaled as Elladan found his face pinned into the dirt.

"El…Elro-gugh! Get off me!" Elladan squalled, kicking like a stuck hog.

Elrohir coiled his fingers beneath his brother's ribs and tickled mercilessly. Elladan abandoned speech in favour of breathing. Summoning all his remaining strength he bunched his muscles and threw himself sideways, bucking up from the grass. Elrohir lost his balance and – with a sound half way between a curse and a squawk – pitched into the river, hooking one hand around the back of Elladan's robes. They both hit the water with a splash.

***

"What, in the name of Elbereth, have you two been doing?" Glorfindel, sitting on the steps to the side entrance to the house arrested the twins' stealthy attempt to sneak indoors unnoticed. Their guilty progress halted, the twins stopped reluctantly before their mentor. Glorfindel put aside the knife he was using to whittle himself a new arrow and regarded them with lifted brows. They stood before him and dripped. Elladan's hair was loose from its plait and lay plastered across his left shoulder, liberally decorated with water weed. Elrohir had mud on his nose and, Glorfindel noted with suspicion, was still wearing yesterday's clothing. Then again, so was Elladan.

"Erestor has a quarrel with the two of you – were you not supposed to be studying with him this morning?" Glorfindel struggled to keep his tone severe faced with the growing puddle around the twins' feet, and the memory of Erestor huffing like a winded horse.

Elladan clapped a hand over his mouth in what appeared to be genuine horror. Elrohir's chastised look was twisted by the smirk he was trying to conceal. Glorfindel stared at them both, until the smile Elladan was really trying to hide grew too wide for his hand to mask, then he chuckled himself. Glancing around conspiritally, Glorfindel shook his head.

"Go on, run," he waved them into the house. "Luncheon will be served in a few moments. I would advise a change of clothing," he added pointedly.

***

Upstairs in their shared bedchamber, Elrohir began to loosen the ties on his tunic. He glanced around for a clean tunic as he pulled free the last lace on his soiled one, and paused. Elladan too had stripped to the waist and was bent over the hand basin trying to rinse the weed out of his hair. The muscles in his back rippled as he straightened, tossing his long curtain of hair over his shoulder. The ebony strands shimmered with lights of mahogany in the light touch of the sun, streaming through the window. Pearly droplets of water slipped down his back, tracing lines around the planes of his back and pooling to dampen the waistband of his trousers. The memory of his kiss, chaste, teasing and affectionate surfaced in Elrohir's mind. What would it be like, to feel that, for real?

Elladan unfastened his belt, then, sensing Elrohir's stillness, turned.

"What?" he folded his arms, evidently caught by something in Elrohir's expression.

The belt flopped open, tugging the front of Elladan's trousers apart, revealing the thin trail of dark hairs that etched a southward passage over his abdomen. Elrohir tore his eyes away, furious with himself. He looked up to meet Elladan's gaze nervously.

"Nothing."

Elladan stared at him for a moment, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. Elrohir dropped his gaze, his eyes shifting away to the floor. When Elladan did not move, he forced himself to look up again with his own accusation.

"What?"

Elladan blinked at him. "Nothing," he said and then grinned.

Elrohir felt the colour burn in his face, searing his veins. He clenched his fists. How could Elladan find this humorous? With a muttered excuse he slammed, unchanged, out of the room.

***

Glorfindel's tap on the door to the twins' bedroom some moments later, provoked a subdued 'Yes?' from within. Opening the door, he found Elladan sitting on the bed. He was wearing a set of clean robes and fingering a silver comb, which, given the tangles in his damp hair, was unused. His eyes were cloudy, troubled.

"Elladan? Is something wrong?" Glorfindel asked gently.

The older twin shook his head with a suppressed sigh. Glorfindel stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "Where is Elrohir?"

Elladan shrugged, and then, remembering his manners, apologised. "I don't know. He walked out."

Glorfindel quelled an irritated hiss. "Luncheon is ready."

Elladan nodded, but made no move to return with his tutor.

Glorfindel crossed to the bed and sat upon its edge. He gently prised the comb out of Elladan's fidgeting fingers. He was slightly surprised to read the name engraved upon the hilt: ELROHIR. Glorfindel shifted to sit behind Elladan and began to work the tangles out of the younger Elf's hair.

"Have you two fallen out again?" he asked.

Elladan shook his head, snagging the comb in his hair. Wincing he turned, but Glorfindel paused to guide it out, before continuing his ministrations.

"I do not think so," Elladan said slowly. "I am not sure. He is acting strangely, I fear I have done something wrong."

"Have you?" Glorfindel asked warily.

"Not that I can think of."

Glorfindel nodded, reassured.

"So in what ways do you consider him to be acting strangely – no, hold – let me guess. Sharing his bed with vast numbers of insignificant others, switching between insatiable enthusiasm and withdrawn moody silences?"

Elladan twisted around to stare at him. "Why, how did you-?"

"He is Awakening – Elbereth! Call out the healers!" Glorfindel feigned panic. "Elladan, relax. It is perfectly normal and there is no need to worry about him. It is simply the age that you are both at."

Elladan looked as though he were about to protest and then hesitated. He looked into Glorfindel's eyes worriedly and spoke hesitantly. "It is just…sometimes, the way he looks at me, Glory. It makes me uncomfortable."

Glorfindel chuckled. "And him too probably." Glorfindel put the comb aside and laid his hand on Elladan's shoulder. "If you are not tempted then it matters not. In time it will pass. And you will have to become accustomed to people looking at you in that way. It is not so strange that your face evokes emotions in others…you are very beautiful, Elladan."

***

Erestor scowled disapprovingly as Elladan and Glorfindel hurried into the hall, his lips thinning as Elrohir slithered into his seat a few moments later. Even Elrond's eyebrows lifted as he took in Elrohir's damp clothing. Elrohir ignored them both and concentrated on his plate. Elrond began to pour out the wine, making a slight face as he realised that the top had already been loosened. As he passed around the glasses, he addressed Elrohir.

"Do you care to explain the need to bring the contents of the river to the table, Elrohir? Are you so keen to miss your studies that you would drown yourself?"

Elrohir barely glanced up. For a moment he was silent, staring at his wine glass, an odd expression on his face. He fingered the stem, turning the glass this way and that. The deep crimson fluid shifted between blushing ruby and almost black as it caught the light, or fell into shadow.

"Sorry," he muttered eventually.

"If I had been seeking an apology, Elrohir, I would have asked for one," Elrond remonstrated gently. "I was enquiring."

Erestor made a small sound of protest and Elrond amended his statement.

"Although a request for an apology was to follow. You have pre-empted me, my son. Your apology is noted and accepted." Elrond paused to glance at Erestor for confirmation and took a long swallow of wine. "However, my question stands still. Elrohir?"

"It was my fault, Papa," Elladan felt compelled to answer. His unease at his brother's silence was growing and he felt responsible for his brother's state of dress. Under the table, Glorfindel's hand found his knee in a comforting squeeze. Elrohir was still staring at his wine, his face almost the same colour as it. Elladan faltered as his father's gaze turned to him.

"I…I insulted him and he…we…"

"Thought it would be a sensible course of action to drown one another?" Celebrían enquired.

"Well, um, yes," Elladan said, a little sheepishly. "I am truly sorry, Erestor. We did not mean to absent ourselves without your leave."

Erestor acknowledged the apology with a slight inclination of his head. Taking a sip of his wine and delicately wiping his lips, he spoke: "Then perhaps you will accompany me this afternoon?"

Elladan nodded fervently. Elrohir was fiddling with his napkin.

"Elrohir," Elrond's voice held the smallest note of warning in it.

At that moment, Celebrían reached across and snaffled the last root vegetable from her husband's plate, nearly upsetting her half empty glass as she did so. Distracted, Elrond turned to her, watching in some dismay as his vegetable vanished into her mouth.

"If you do that again," he threatened, pointing his fork at her. "I'll…I'll tie your hands behind your back!"

"Really, my dear, not at the table!" The lady of Imladris affected to be scandalised. "Such things are for the nightfall alone to see." Her sparkling eyes stole to the face of her eldest son and she added teasingly, "Elladan,– that goes for you too."

The table jerked as Glorfindel snatched his hand from Elladan's knee, overturning his wine as he did so. The contents of his glass spread across the table in a bloody stain on the white cloth.

Elrond chuckled. "Nothing like a clear conscience to make you feel guilty," he observed, fortunately oblivious to the high spots of colour on his son's cheeks.

Glorfindel glared at his lord, mopping at the stain. Elladan blocked the spreading pool with his napkin, wondering at the deceptiveness of glass that it could seem so small when full and yet hold so much when upturned.

"I don't recall you ever having one, so you speak by assumption, my lord," Glorfindel parried.

Elrond saluted the jibe with his glass.

Glorfindel eyed Elrond with bewilderment. He was slightly disconcerted by the nature of the conversation. Admittedly the twins were now of an age where such bawdiness was expected, but Arwen, sitting quietly, was a great deal too young to be listening – fortunately she seemed too confused to understand.

Elladan lifted his own glass, as yet untouched, to hide his own perplexity. Glorfindel's hand on his knee, such an innocent gesture, sent a flush up through him that was manifesting itself not just upon his reddened cheeks. Such an innocent touch. Yet at one time, changing clothes in the same room as his brother had seemed innocent. Now… He put the glass to his lips.

"No!" Elrohir was on his feet, sprung up like summer storm. He lashed out, struck the glass from Elladan's hand, and sent it spinning across the table to fetch up in Erestor's potatoes. Scarlet liquid arched across the table, daubing both twins in its bloody spray. Elrohir scraped back his chair and fled the room.

The silence in Elrohir's wake was deafening. Elrond's face contracted into a frown as he lifted his own glass to the light for a suspicious examination. Erestor plucked the bottle from the icer to sniff the neck. He ran a finger around the rim and licked it pensively, lifting his shoulders in bewilderment. Celebrían glanced at Elladan, who met her gaze with a shake of his head. Glorfindel touched his elbow, jerking his head in the direction Elrohir had taken. With a muttered 'excuse me', Elladan hurried in his brother's wake.

"What was that all about?" Elrond demanded of the silent room.

***

"Elrohir?"

The huddled shape curled up on the steps to the wine cellar twitched and crouched closer to the wall. Elladan descended the stone staircase carefully, stooping to touch his twin's shoulder. Elrohir shifted beneath his hand, trying to shrug him off. Elladan let his hand fall, but took a seat beside his brother.

"Elrohir?" he repeated, his voice echoing slightly in the cavernous depths was swallowed up by the darkness.

"What is going on? Why do you keep walking out on me? And what in Middle Earth was the matter with the wine?"

"You didn't drink any of it, did you?" Elrohir twisted to stare at him, his eyes rippling with anxiety.

Elladan's lips parted with surprise. Elrohir's face was streaked with tears.

"What-?"

"Did you drink it?" Elrohir interrupted fiercely.

"No! You threw it across the table, I didn't have a chance."

Elrohir sagged weakly back against the supporting wall. "Good," he whispered.

"Why?" Elladan demanded. "Elrohir, whatever is the matter?"

He shifted closer and wrapped an arm around his brother, smoothing the tangle of dark hair. Elrohir's body remained as rigid as forged steel. After a moment, Elrohir reached between their bodies to grope in his pocket. Elladan extricated himself from the embrace to take the bottle he was offered. He glanced at the label curiously.

"Elven aphro-" Elladan wrenched himself away from his twin and viciously hurled the bottle down the remaining half of the staircase. The aphrodisiac bottle shattered into a thousand tiny fragments of glass, glinting threateningly amidst the darkness. Pale, mocking shards upon the marble floor.

"You…!" Rage made him incoherent, and his voice came out like the hiss of a serpent. "What were you trying to *do* to me? Break my resovle? Sleep with me yourself?"

"No!" Elrohir twisted around to face him, his eyes widening.

Elladan leapt backwards up the stairs as Elrohir reached for him.

"Well, yes…oh, I don't know!" Elrohir cried desperately. "I did not, did I? I could not!"

"The thought was there." Elladan turned on his heel and flew up the steps, slamming the door closed as he left.

***

Night had fallen before Elrohir reappeared, slinking like a whipped beast in the shadows, to his chamber, unseen by the eyes of the elders who were no more enlightened to his unprecedented exit than they had been the moment the twins left the table. Except perhaps in what the table was being used for. Elrond's threat had apparently not been an empty one and Celebrian's advice had not been taken by either lord or lady of the valley. Elrohir was mercifully spared this by his route to the chamber.

Elladan had refused even Glorfindel's counsel and had retreated to his chamber without another word to anyone. He had taken his tutoring from Erestor and been reported to be in such fine spirits that Erestor blamed him for tempting down the rain which had put paid to their class, as if in sympathy for Elladan's feelings.

Elrohir opened the door to the chamber he shared with Elladan, dread knocking in his heart. The chamber was shrouded in darkness. Elladan was laid out beneath the sheets, cocooned in the snowy sheets, the dark coverlet arranged neatly atop him. He did not move or speak. Miserably Elrohir shucked off his robes and slid into his side of the bed. The cold shoulders beside him did not shift. Elrohir closed his eyes. Elladan's inconstant breathing proclaimed him to be awake. The silence stretched between them like an endless schism.

"Elladan?" Unable to bear it, Elrohir twisted around and laid hesitant fingers on his brother's shoulder. "Elladan…I am sorry…. Please do not be this way." Elladan did not react. After an interminable moment, Elrohir withdrew his hand, rubbing his fingers together as he realised that Elladan was still wrapped in his dressing robe, like a material barrier between them.

"I have a right to be." Elladan's voice startled him.

"I…I know. And I am so sorry," Elrohir whispered, feeling tears catch in his throat at the reproach in his brother's tone.

Elladan sighed. He rolled over to face Elrohir. His face was a mask of rage, fought down under the same iron control their father often exhibited. "Why?" he spat. "Why, Elrohir?"

"I don't know," Elrohir said weakly, swallowing any further words to quell his rising tears.

"The day you do know what you want there will probably be a parade!" Elladan snapped at him.

Elrohir shook his head, unable to speak and found his whole body beginning to tremble. He twisted away from Elladan and buried his face in the pillows.

Elladan sighed again. Cautiously he reached out and touched Elrohir's shoulder blade with the flat of his hand. Elrohir twitched, his body shuddering as he struggled against the tears.

"Elrohir…shhh," Elladan found himself murmuring. "It will be well."

His brother's distress was more than he could ignore. Inappropriate feelings were not unknown to Elladan. His coldness was hypocritical and he knew it. "Awakening," he gave a rueful laugh, suddenly needing to confide, whether to comfort, or be consoled himself, he didn't know. "It is a confusing time, is it not?"

Elrohir's bleak laugh bubbled up amidst his tears. He made a choked sound in his throat.

"Please, Elrohir," Elladan persisted. "I do not want this to come between us."

"How can it not?" Elrohir lifted his stained face. "I should not feel this way about you! It is not right! I know this. But I cannot help it! I do not even know if it is you I want, or your body. Everything is so mixed up! Everything I felt for you before has got so entangled with these new sensations – it is horrible and I hate it! And I do not know what to do!"

Elladan pulled him close, laying his cheek on his brother's hair. "I know," he whispered. "Oh Elbereth, I know."

"How can you know?" Elrohir snarled at him. "Do you feel this? You have not ever shared your body, how can you possibly…"

His voice tailed off as he registered Elladan's fixed expression.

"Actually…" Elladan said hesitantly.

"You…you have?" Elrohir's voice deserted him in a rasping sound. "When? Who? Why…why did you not tell me?"

"I couldn't," Elladan lowered his eyes. He reached up to stroke Elrohir's hair and then stilled his hand, letting it fall the gesture uncompleted. "I…I thought that you would hate me for it."

"More than you could hate me for wanting you?"

Elladan shrugged, not looking at him. "I did not know about that at the time." He glanced up at Elrohir, his eyes anxious.

"Who?" Elrohir persisted.

Elladan looked away. Elrohir cupped his brother's cheek, gently turning it back to face him. Elladan swallowed hard. "Glorfindel."

"Glorfindel?" Elrohir's shock flashed across his face, his hand falling away from his brother's cheek.

Elladan flinched. "I know. I know it is wrong…but I…I could not help it! It is what you said, everything gets mixed up and you cannot distinguish one feeling from another."

"You told him?"

Elladan nodded. "You slept with him?"

Elladan hesitated. Then he shook his head.

"Oh Elladan," Elrohir giggled suddenly.

Elladan forced a smile onto his own face. Elrohir doubled up, chuckling. "We…oh, we have made such utter fools of ourselves!" He snickered again. "And they call it 'Awakening' – that isn't the half of it."

He sighed, still laughing softly and then lay back down, settling his head on Elladan's chest contentedly. Elladan smiled despite himself, winding his arms around Elrohir's warm body. His last remaining concern was how he was going to explain that he had lied to Elrohir - with every shake of his head. But that could wait, at least until morning.

~ END ~