It is true, I am coming out of the closet. There is this chick, this ice skating chick. She triple lutzed her way into my little spud of a heart. True she has some issues. I know this and am willing to suffer for it. Yes, she is a bit of a whiner and is what some may call…unstable.

But all you doubters forget something…I am king of the mental cases. This hitting in the knees incident is nothing compared to the things I have to deal with in some of mates. Let us examine the situation.

….mental chicks I have dated….(the names have been changed to protect the innocent)

The first that comes to mind is Elmira, who ,ironically enough, if she strolled up to me today I would take her back. Because of the fact that despite her mental issues, she treated me real well. She had a good smokescreen with the rest of the brotherhood. At band practice she would show up with a backpack full of booze, she would bring us lunch, haul gear…plus...get this…this is the best fucking part of that relationship. She lived about 20 min from me and my house in turn was about 30 to 40 min to her school. So every morning she would come to my house, wake me up, bring me breakfast in bed from McDonald’s (with a small coffee- which at practice one day I mentioned to Dutch that I was bitter about the small coffee. I wanted a large, the small just would not pump me with enough caffeine. So when she showed up to Mikeys with beer or whatever we sent her for, Dutch yelled at her to bring me a large. The next day…she came with a large coffee and I got one till we finally broke up) , a sausage Mc Muffin, two hash browns, and would either have sex with me, or if she was having a visit from Aunt Flow would nibble on the spud. I was in heaven ..UNTIL….I would come home to find her in my bed waiting for me. Did she have a key? ..no, did someone let her in ..uh...nope ? Nope she broke in through the window. Then I came home to find her in her car in my driveway. I was shocked cause the day before I had dumped her for breaking into my house. I came to find out that she had been sitting there for 2 hours waiting for me. This was not normal behavior. She still came all the way over to my house to bring me my Breakfast, acting as if we had not broken up. Then I would yell at her that is was over , she would cry, get bitter and leave. Then the next day, same thing. (mind you I was now upgraded to big ass coffees from 7-11) . Till finally she never came back and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

So Yes, I think I am ready to claim my queen. Her beauteous thunder thigh, crooked smile, beady eyes. I am ready for her. She will be mine, oh yes I have waited for a long time for this. Mikey sent me pictures of her naked. I almost fell over so awe struck by beauty was I !!

And beyond all of that I have never been known as a man with good taste in women.  Thanks for listening.